Hi and welcome to episode four of the podcast. And today we're going to dive into the fear of failure. If your brain's like, but what do I do if I fail? What happens if I fail? I've got [00:01:00] you and we're going to be jumping into all of that, including some things that I find really helpful and ways of thinking about it that I've used in my own life that hopefully will be helpful for you to move through that fear.
So you can. Set your goal if you haven't already or continue to take action and show up and move towards your goal and just keep going.
But first I just want to share a story that completely links to today's topic. Yesterday it was Monday morning and I had just the most amazing morning. Mondays or my days where I hang out with Flynn. The weather was nice. It was like cold and crisp, but the sun was out and I was feeling better.
I'd been feeling ill , you can probably hear I'm not as nasal this week. And I was like, I'm gonna go up a hill. So I got the Carl packed up, we headed out and put him in the backpack and it was just, just so amazing and even we stopped parked the way up. I like had him out. I was feeding, he was falling asleep on me, we were just sitting in nature, in the birch forest, maple was running [00:02:00] around, she was sniffing about, I was like, this is amazing that this is a Monday morning, like not that many years ago, I used to like dread Monday, they were like, Oh, they were this like heavy thing.
I wasn't doing ultimately what I knew I wanted to do with my life. And it just felt such a heavy place and just felt in that moment so grateful. To my past self, all of the decisions that I have made and that decision in, I can't even remember what year it was, that decision. And I think it was 2020 I was going to start a coaching business and it was the middle of COVID.
Okay. Onto the story. I'm sure another point, but like our plans, looking at his plans of like, Completely changed with COVID and it was almost a reset of like, okay, what is it I actually want to do now? And when I reflect back, I knew that I wanted to be a coach, even from my early twenties, , after I graduated my first ever job, we had a team coach, which, you know, for how [00:03:00] many years ago that was, it's like school forward thinking of the organization, like such an amazing organization. They had a team coach. Who's amazing. And I was like, that is what I want to do.
It just took me like, I don't know, 13 or 14, however many years later to actually do anything about it. But it was one of those, what I call like soul whispers. It was like, this would be cool. This would be fun. And it just took me COVID and a bit of a reset to actually make that decision. But I remember even at the time.
When I was deciding, okay, yeah, I want to train as a coach. I want to focus on this and start my own business and help people in this way.
So much fear of failure came up. And so if this is you, if you have your scary goal, like, you know what you want to go after, you know what it really is. Maybe you've not like expressed it yet, or maybe you're like not taking action towards it because you're like, oh, but what if I fail? But what if I fail?
I totally get you. Okay. This was me. I had all of that same self doubt and the fear of failure as well, okay? Because it's completely normal. Our [00:04:00] brain, like, if we're thinking into the future, our brain loves to be like, oh, I know exactly what's going to happen. It can be very confident, very loud that it can predict the future.
And oftentimes it's looking for, Danger, what could go wrong? Like it's going to focus on all the things that could go wrong. It's why we're wired to do that. It's completely normal. And so when you know that, you know that whatever your brain is predicting might happen, that you're going to fail and it's going to be terrible and all this stuff's going to happen.
It's just normal that it's going to be having that as a lens that it's looking through completely normal. And it doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong. It also doesn't mean you have to get caught up in that. So once you know that, and hopefully by me sharing this now, if you notice that your brain is going to like, well, what if I fail?
And like all of the worst case, that's amazing because you can catch it and you can give it another perspective as well. And this is something in coaching that we call equal airtime. So how much time do we actually [00:05:00] spend thinking about the best case? Right? Probably done. Like, think about that for you.
Cool. I know I was just like, but I'm going to fail and then I'm going to look stupid and I'm going to have this coaching business and I'm going to have to close it down and like no one I want to coach it. Like all of this, like all of the worst case stuff was coming up and I didn't spend. Any time thinking about how amazing it would actually be, or very, very little time.
And so what I was able to do, like catching it and because I had a coach, it was being coached, was bringing it back and spending more time thinking about, okay, well what is the best case? Like what could that be like? And really spending some time there. So if this is you, I really want to encourage you to spend time dreaming about how amazing it could be.
Like, when you create your goal, like, what would that actually be like? What if it all works out better than you could ever, ever have imagined? Rather than like this fear of failure and everything going to the worst case. And I was just thinking, so yesterday when I was up the hill and I was like, This is just everything that I had [00:06:00] wanted, like not only when I am coaching, I have the most amazing clients and I love helping them and I get lit up by helping them make more impact in the world and then create their own goals and realize like how amazing they are and take courageous action and keep moving forward and show up in a bigger, bolder way.
Like I love. love helping others do that. But also, I get to work three days a week. I get to have two full days with my son, who's the most fun, like the funnest human I've ever met. And I get to play with him. I get to hang outside in nature. I get to just have days where I'm like meandering
I get to work from anywhere I want. Like that's been something that has been really important to Luke and I. And again with COVID, that was one of our. So, um, one of the key things we were focusing on was, okay, we want to create a life where we can work from wherever, where we have that flexibility. We were able to move from Edinburgh up to Aviemore in the Highlands, we're now in Banchory in North East Scotland, like we're able to get [00:07:00] closer to our parents, we were able to go to Chamonix last year for almost two months being in France and work remotely and just have like so much time at home, time with Luke, time with Flynn, time with my parents and his parents and, do the most amazing work that I just absolutely love that I know I'm here to do. I just never really, really spent the time imagining. All I was thinking about is how it was terrible and it would never work out and I'd never be able to help anyone and then I'd have to close the business down before I'd even started it.
Right.
So the other thing that I find really helpful, and I do this when I'm coaching my clients, is Um, actually going to what that worst case is, like sometimes our brain can go round in loops. It's like, Oh, what is this? What is this? What is this? And it just spins and we just spin like imagining this kind of this worst case, but we don't really go there and we don't really go there from a calm place thinking about.
Okay. And then what would we actually do? So this is another really helpful exercise is thinking, okay, what is that worst case? I'm not in a place where you're, you're [00:08:00] like, Oh, what if, what if, what if I'm spinning out? But when you can get yourself into a kind of a calm and rational place and access your strategic part of your brain, which is your prefrontal cortex, then you can really think logically like, okay, what if these things did happen?
And so for me with the coaching business, I was able to do this. Okay. What if. No one wants to work with me and I don't make any money and I end up closing the business down. It's like, okay, I was able to think rationally. Well, then I would go back to consulting.
And at this point, like one of the things that was really driving that fear of failure was where I was. I was very familiar with, I had been doing consulting project development for like over a decade in the low carbon energy sector. I was very experienced. I had a master's in it. I was good at my job.
I was bringing in like multi million pound funding bids, leading international teams, delivering projects. , I knew what to [00:09:00] do. I knew how to do it. I had an amazing team that I worked with. It was familiar. Yeah, I knew, and I loved it. Yeah, I knew it wasn't what I ultimately wanted to do.
And oftentimes this can feel really hard when we know that where we are now, it feels comfortable. It feels familiar. Our brains are wired to be. resistant to change. There's fear of the unknown, fear of change, like it's part of survival. We are wired to stay safe, to stay in the familiar and what is known, even if there is discomfort in that because it's not ultimately what we want.
And so part of it was like, Oh, but I'm good at what I do. What if this doesn't work? It's going to be so embarrassing if I like try this thing and then it doesn't work out and then like what happens. And once I was able to make peace with that. It's like, okay, if I go for this coach business and it doesn't work out, I can always come back to consulting.
And I'll have learned a few things along the way, right? That was how I sold it to [00:10:00] myself.
When I was able to frame it in that way, it's like, well, actually, right now, in that moment, I was almost like living my worst case. , I was doing something that, yeah, I was good at, but I knew ultimately wasn't where I wanted to go. That if I tried the coaching business and it didn't work out, I could always go back to that.
So thinking about that for you, like what if right now Like, however amazing your life is, like, what if this is your worst case of whether you go after that goal or not?
Because even if you go after it, you're going to learn so much. You're going to be showing up in a different way. You're going to back yourself. You're going to trust yourself. You're going to feel that fear and you're going to keep going and you're going to move through the fear. And then worst case, you're going to be back where you are right now.
And. What if it actually could work out in a way that you could never, ever have imagined right now? And that was like me on the hill yesterday, I was like, I never really truly imagined it [00:11:00] could be this amazing. Like, okay, it's hard sometimes for sure. I'm not discounting that nothing is always amazing all the time.
In that moment, I was like, this is why I'm so proud of myself for not just being like, ah, well. I'll just keep doing what I know because what if it doesn't work out? It's like, no, what if it actually could be even more amazing? Like in that moment, I could never have imagined the most inspiring people that I would get to work with the clients who I always feel like I literally have the best job in the world because yes, I'm coaching them and helping them understand themselves and see their brain.
I learn so much from them. I get so inspired from my clients. It literally feels like I should be paying them to coach them because I get so much from it. It lights me up so much. And I could never have imagined that when I was sitting there like in the house going, Oh, I don't know if I should do this or not.
What if it doesn't work out? So I just want to offer that for you. What if this is your worst case? And what if like going after that goal? Whatever happens, [00:12:00] whatever time frame you create it on, whether you actually create it or not, you're going to get so much out of it, just the process of backing yourself.
And the final piece I just want to also offer is even if you do fail, and I'm going to get into this in a future episode, like, okay, what if you do fail? How do you move through that? But you are in full control of how you want to speak to yourself in that moment, okay? Just because you didn't, , get a result that you want in the future.
You are in full control of the story, of the narrative, of how you want to speak to yourself. So, , when I decided I was going to start the coaching business, I had decided there and then, Okay, I'm going to go after this, and if it doesn't work, I'm not going to be horrible to myself.
I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm not going to tell myself I was a failure. I'm going to tell myself I am courageous. Like I took that action. I tried something. I didn't know if it would actually work out. I was going to bet on myself. I was going to go all in on it. And you get to do that for you as well.
You can decide right now that even if [00:13:00] you go after this scary goal that you're not sure you're going to be able to create or in the time frame you want, and there's maybe a lot of uncertainty and fear, you get to decide that you're still going to be kind to yourself, even if it doesn't work out how you thought, even if You don't get the result that you want.
You still decide that you're going to have your own back, no matter what. And same with this podcast. I have zero expectations of it. I'm doing it purely because I want to. And I'm just so kind to myself. Like, I'm just going to keep showing up, whatever happens. I don't even know what a fail would be. Even if no one listened to it, like I'm in that place where if no one listened to it, I get so much out of it.
Like literally no one listened to it. That would be okay. I feel so compelled to want to do that. What if that's the same for you? What if you can get into that place where even if it doesn't work out, you are just going to love the process so much of figuring out what is possible for you of keeping showing up even when you don't want to like this morning.[00:14:00]
So because we've been night weaning Flynn. So he hasn't been waking up throughout the night, but he's been almost like consolidating his sleep. So he's been waking up earlier, which is something I hadn't quite appreciated. So he's not having milk overnight. He is waking up at five and this morning he woke up at five
and I was so tired. And in that moment I was like, Do you know what? I'm not going to record the podcast today. Do you know what? Actually this whole trying to do a podcast while I have a baby or a toddler, this is a stupid idea. And I had all this like negative thoughts that were coming like, oh, this was stupid to think you could even do it.
Like you're so tired. This is just going to be a terrible podcast. Like, why don't you just like stop doing the podcast? Like all of that was coming. But even in that moment, I was like, no. Even if I did put out a podcast that I was tired and I listened back and was like, you know what wasn't my best. I'm not going to be mean to myself.
I'm going to be so kind, so loving. I'm not going to call myself a failure. I'm just going to celebrate showing up, keep going [00:15:00] and doing it for me because I want to, because it lights me up and I feel compelled to do it. So I want to offer that for you as well. What if no matter, even if you want to quit, even if it's hard, even if.
you don't get the result you want, you're always going to be nice to yourself. And I will do a full podcast episode about how to do this, because this is something I've had to work so hard at over the last few years that did not come easy. I was always so mean to myself, so much negative self talk. And what I find is that as I've shifted it to be kinder to myself, it is so much easier to keep going when I don't want to, or to take bigger quote unquote risks.
I go after bigger goals because I know that I'm going to be kind to myself. If I do fail, if I don't get the result, like I'm not going to be horrible. And oftentimes that's one of the reasons that we're almost scared to go after something is how mean we will be to ourselves if it doesn't work out how we planned.
So you actually are in full control over that. You can decide right now that no matter what happens, you're going to be kind to yourself. Okay,
so just to [00:16:00] recap, spend time with the best case as well as the worst case, giving it the equal airtime and also go to the worst case and let yourself go there and think, okay, then what would you do? Like what would that be like? Like really make peace with that, like, okay, maybe that will happen. Like, okay.
And then what? And then really decide in advance and decide right now, how do you want to speak to yourself? Even if you do fail and then if you know that you're going to be kind to yourself, it makes it so much easier to just take that bold, scary action and continue to show up and go after and create like even bigger, scarier goals.
So that's what I have for you this week. I hope you have an amazing rest of the week. Keep sharing your goals with me. Oh my gosh, it's so good. It like lights me up. So much. I'm so excited. It's like from books, podcasts, babies, new businesses, new ventures. Like there's so many exciting things you guys are creating.
I'm so excited for you all. And yeah, if there's anything else you want me to cover in the podcast, please reach out. So have an [00:17:00] amazing rest of the day and an amazing next, next week, an amazing week. And I'll see you next time. Bye.
