[00:00:00] And welcome to the scary goals club. I am your host, Hazel Robertson. And I believe that to make the impact that you know, you're called to make in the world, it requires setting bigger, scarier goals, and then becoming the person who creates them. That is what I am here to show you how to do. That's what we're diving into.
Mindset tools, tricks, really simple, practical, actionable steps. You can take and start applying straight away. Cause. Or whatever you believe, we have this one life that we definitely know about. Start making the impact you know you want to make in the world. Fear is not a reason to stop. We keep going. We work through the fear.
That is what we do in the Scary Ghouls Club. So come on in, come join, hit subscribe, and let's get started.
Hi and welcome to the Scary Goals Club podcast. I am Hazel Robertson, your host, and hello from the garden. If you're watching this on video, you will see I have, [00:01:00] if you're not watching this, I will describe what's behind is some massive ferns just behind me and I'm sitting on the grass. I'm actually using Flynn's like, it's not high chair, but it's like a seat that sits at the I'm using that.
I've got my laptop on it. Just over here, I'll show you, we did No Mo May and it's still, what is it now, August. So we've still got like massive dandelions and loads of like plants around. It's so nice. Do you ever get that bit where you're just like, you have this idea, you're like, Oh, I really have to do that right now.
And then it's like, I'm going to go and do it. So even yesterday I was like, Oh, I'd love to record a podcast from the garden. And then when it was sunny today, it was like. afternoon, sunny today. I was like, I'm just going to do it. I'm going to go do it. So here I am in the garden and I've got my cup of tea and it's really nice and I'm enjoying it.
I'm going to have a slurp.
And what I wanted to talk about today is something that I've been working on a lot and that's come up a [00:02:00] lot with my clients as well. And so I thought I'm going to just share some of. The tools that I've been using with them and on myself, if you are going through this as well, and it's essentially around dealing with uncertainty.
So, when you're going after your scary goal, you're going to be doing things that you've never done before. Like, that is just the nature of it. If you'd always done them before, it's not going to be scary. Like, it's going to be very familiar, it's going to feel very comforting. And so, by the nature of it being a scary goal, being something that's taking you out of your comfort zone, where you're doing something you've not done before, there's going to be uncertainty of how are you actually going to get there?
What's it going to be like? What kind of things are you going to have to figure out? I talked about in A couple weeks ago, about like the unknown unknowns. There's going to be things that you don't really know how it's going to work out. There's going to be lots of uncertainty. And for humans, uncertainty can feel really uncomfortable because our brain, like anything that is unknown, And therefore uncertain, we don't know, feels unsafe.
It feels scary, it feels unfamiliar, [00:03:00] because there could be a risk of danger. So when our brain's like scanning, looking for danger, looking for like the unknown, the unknown would always equal uncertainty would equal danger, because we don't know what might be there, there might be a risk, there might be a threat.
So oftentimes, and you might find this if you're in a period where there are a lot of things that maybe feel uncertain. You maybe will find that your brain's going to the worst case a lot, and it can be exhausting sometimes, like, I remember last year, I was around this time last year actually, there was, there was a few things that were just felt really uncertain, that it was almost like we were waiting for news on something, there were some decisions on things.
Some of them, for example, was we were wanting to move to Banchory. We didn't know, like, where we were going to live. That felt quite, like, open ended and uncertain, so we were, like, kind of looking for somewhere to live. And then even about, like, my ADHD diagnosis, it was like, okay, what will come out of that?
Like, what are the next steps on that? There was some other health stuff going on, some other family stuff going on, so there were a few. Things that came like [00:04:00] literally all at the same time and you can't always choose it. And it wasn't necessarily towards a scary goal. It was just life lifing itself and like all of these things came at once and there was just this period of uncertainty.
And again, like some of my clients are going through this as well, where they, they know where they're going. Like they have this big vision and they're working towards that. And then life is throwing some curve balls that they're like. Oh, I literally could never have expected it. It's almost like, the way I imagine it, or I was explaining it, it's like, You're going along your little path of what you're thinking, like you have your plan, you have your idea, and then someone, somewhere, is making a decision that's going to completely change the trajectory of your life and you have no idea what it is until you know.
And then maybe there's some uncertainty around it as well.
Oftentimes when we are in this period of uncertainty, because there's almost these like open ended
decisions that some of them we get to make, some of them other people. are making and we don't know exactly how it's going to pan out or there's information we're still waiting like we know that [00:05:00] something's happening but we're waiting information or something with our scary goal.
We're waiting for like an outcome and then we can be like okay now we know it's this then we can like take the next step but until we have that what our brain will often do is like go to the worst case it will often go like so many steps ahead and it will also like flip back and forth because it's like you're Like, in a period of uncertainty where there are several different options, what our brains will often do is like, Oh, well, it could be this, or it could be this.
And if it's this, then I'll do this. Then I'll do this. Or if it's this, then I'll do this. then I'll do this. And if it's this, then I'll do this. It's like, there's literally so many possibilities that our brain is imagining. Most of them are probably quite negative. This again, wired to look for like the worst case.
So there's all these different possibilities. It will flip flop between them. You'll have like. If you're in a period of uncertainty where you can think back to a time when you have been, there'll be just like this so much mental load of like around and around and around and like overanalyzing, overthinking, worrying.
Maybe you're having [00:06:00] trouble sleeping. Maybe it's just, it's like almost trying to keep all these options open and think about, okay, like what can I, what decisions can I make? The other thing is like when. Like as humans, we often because uncertainty, feels uncomfortable because again, it feels unsafe to our brain.
We can often get into a place where when there is uncertainty, we want to almost like over control everything. So that's when we can get into like over planning, like trying to control any outcome that we can like kind of control someone's behavior, trying to like micromanage things in our life or like with other people that's often in a way for us to try and feel in control.
The uncertainty almost feels like this, like things are outside of our control. And what I want to talk through today is why that's not 100 percent true. Also why it is true and it's amazing. And then how to just like move through uncertainty and some tools and just ways of thinking about it that are going to really help you, that have really helped me and that really helped my [00:07:00] clients as well.
So first of all, what is uncertainty? So I just want to offer that when you're feeling uncertain, it That's a feeling. Okay, so a feeling is a pattern of energy that we notice somewhere in our body caused by something that we're thinking.
So there's like a chemical reaction taking place in our body, in our cells. We feel that somewhere. Our body's preparing to do something based on what we are thinking. So it's not necessarily that The situation is uncertain. We are describing it as uncertain. Like, the situation is what it is. You can even be really specific, like, three open ended decisions to be made, or two pieces of information outstanding.
Or, you know, you could be really specific, like, what actually is the situation? Like, what are the facts? What is the information that you're waiting on? When is that coming? What decisions need to be made? Like you could get really specific, because often our brain can be like dramatic, like everything's uncertain and I have no idea what's going to happen.
And it can go to all these like big grand ways of describing things. And the more factual you can be, [00:08:00] the more helpful it's going to be to be like, okay, like what specifically are those decisions I haven't made? So funny. There's also the posties arrived and my neighbor was here again.
Anyway, here we go. so the first thing is being really specific on, okay, what actually is happening in the situation, really, really factual and then knowing like, okay, what is it that your brain is telling you about the situation that is causing the feeling of uncertainty?
I don't know how this is going to work out. There's so much uncertainty. Things feel really uncertain. Like whatever that is, that's probably going to be causing a feeling of uncertainty in you. So just knowing that there's like the situation. There's the story your brain's attaching, like this is really uncertain.
I don't know how things are going to work out. I don't know. Everything feels out of control. There's so much, like whatever that is, that's going to be causing that feeling of uncertainty in you. So even like the first thing with that, as soon as you're kind of clear and like, okay, these are the different elements, these are the decisions and the [00:09:00] information that I'm going to be getting that's outstanding.
And then when you feel. That feeling of uncertainty coming up, even just sitting and being like, like, sometimes I will close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, I'll put like my hand on my chest and like one on my stomach and I'll just be like, okay, this is uncertainty and I will feel it and I'll notice it.
I'll be like, this is uncertainty and I will just be present with it. Like, okay, this is what it feels like. Oh my gosh, it's starting to rain. That is, I didn't foresee that. Okay, I'm going to keep going and hopefully if, if it looks like my laptop, um, it's actually pouring with rain now. Okay. I'm going to go inside and I'm going to finish this one inside.
I'll see you inside in a sec.
Okay, we are back. All the stuff is inside. All of it's dry. Everything's all good. So here we [00:10:00] are back in my usual spot. And that was fun. I would definitely maybe do that again. Definitely maybe do that again. Listening to my language is so funny. Do you ever do that? It's like,
Obviously I'm a coach and sometimes I don't hear myself and sometimes I can catch it I'm like, yeah that means I'm pretty much not gonna do it. I'm definitely maybe gonna do outside again. It's like no I will, I will. I'm doing it outside again at some point.
But actually it reminded me when I was carrying the stuff like downstairs and then back in.
It's like, Oh, I remember years ago and actually before this podcast, I'd record like three years ago before launching this. I had this idea to launch a podcast and did some recordings and then like never published it. But even before that, Luke and I had this idea to do a podcast. We had this business called everyday exploring and we were going to get like outside microphone kit and basically go on hikes with people and then interview just like people doing cool things in the outdoors and do have the everyday exploring podcast, but we never did it.
I'm not sure if that was a fear based [00:11:00] thing or just probably some excuse around like time, which underlying it was like, I don't know where to start. I don't know how to do it. What if no one listens? So yeah, podcasting has been a dream for a while. Anyway, there was my foray into, into out podcasting in my garden with my neighbor making an appearance.
I'm the postie. I'm the rain. So good. Okay. So back to uncertainty. There you go. Uncertainty is the weather at the moment. I'm very unpredictable. I find I'm like looking at the weather app. I'm like, it's pretty much going to be have changed like within a few hours. Welcome to climate change in the UK, 2024.
Okay. So what have we covered so far? We'll do, we're doing a recap even just for me. So first of all, is like being really clear. What is factual? Like what is actually the situation. What decisions are still to be made? What pieces of information is outstanding? Like being really specific with that. And then leaning into the pattern of energy you feel in your body, which is the feeling that we are calling [00:12:00] uncertainty.
And just being present with it. Like, Oh, okay. This is uncertainty. I notice the pattern of energy that is uncertainty. And also knowing like you are not your feelings. And we know this, like you're so much bigger than them because you can observe and watch your feelings, which is why it's so powerful to say it loud, to label, to describe, to notice your feelings because it creates that separation between you, your being yourself, and this pattern of energy that you're noticing in your body.
So the more that you can just be present and be like, okay. This is what uncertainty feels like. It doesn't feel that comfortable. It feels a little bit like a little squirmy and like I want to go and do something or like control something or have some clarity and like take more action and find out more information.
Like that's often what we can be driven to do. But if we can just be present with it and breathe through it and just process it and let it be there, then we don't have to take action and like overdo we can actually just [00:13:00] almost like rest because oftentimes when we have the mental loops going around of like it could be this it could be this it could be this we're worrying about different possibilities worrying about what could happen and we're like trying to over action to do things to like try and be in control it's just really exhausting because we're taking action from like quite a high alert Almost like panicky place and it's just so tiring on our system.
We're not able to think creatively. We're not able to like be present or enjoy like our mind is just completely in the future. Imagining what all these terrible outcomes are like, what could possibly happen? So if you're doing this, it's just being like being aware of it and just being so kind to yourself, like being really clear with what the situation is.
Um, I'm just sitting in that feeling of uncertainty just being okay, this is what it is. And the next thing that can be really helpful is when we are feeling uncertainty, it's because it's like, oh, I'm not in control or like all these things are happening and it can feel off in like, [00:14:00] The world and decisions and things are happening that feel outside of our control.
And so what can be really helpful is reminding yourself, okay, what is it I can control? Maybe I can't control this outcome of this decision that someone else is making, but I can control how I'm taking care of me, how I'm talking to myself, how I'm being kind to myself, how I'm resting, how I'm playing and how I'm like having fun, how I'm connecting with friends, how I'm moving my body, like really thinking and even.
If you're in this now, like, pause this and make a list, like, what is everything you can actually control? Like, right now, like, just thinking about everything that you can control, and then also there's things that you can influence as well. So maybe you can't. change someone's decision, but you can influence in a way that's maybe going to be helpful.
So being clear what you want, being clear what your boundaries are, being clear like what's important to you. Like when you know that, if there's any interactions with someone else, whatever the uncertainty is, [00:15:00] like how, how you are showing up, you're in control of that. And so even just imagining like into the future, like this is, all solved?
Like you're on the other side of this, like all the outcomes are there, like how is that version of you showing up? And you can start showing up like that today. It's really thinking about, okay, what is in your control? It's what you're thinking, what you are feeling, and what you are doing. What you're deciding, the actions you're doing, the habits you're forming or not forming, and just with all of this knowing, just like taking such good care of yourself.
Because as I said, it can be easy to get into, like, overworking, over planning, over consuming, overdoing, over worrying, which is just exhausting on our whole brain, body, nervous system. And that's when we can, like, get ill. That's when, like, everything just feels heavier and harder.
We're, like, not sleeping. Like, you know, it can have this knock on effect if we're not able to actually just catch it and just be [00:16:00] so kind to ourselves and be present.Okay, so you're getting really clear what the situation is, pulling out all the facts and being really neutral about it, and separating out what you're Brain is telling you about it.
You're sinking into the feeling of uncertainty, just being present with it. Like, okay, this is the pattern of energy of uncertainty. And then you were thinking, okay, what is it I can control? What is in my control? And like making a list, focusing your attention on that. And then the final piece is to lean into trust.
Okay. Now this can feel sometimes a bit uncomfortable because leaning into trust. when we want to control and we want to know all the answers and we want to know everything right now and like figure out how everything's going to go can feel really uncomfortable if it's something that you're not used to doing and it is a practice.
But here is how you can do that and like why you want to do that. So when you can lean into trust, meaning you can focus on what you can control and then the rest of it you [00:17:00] just let go. You almost like surrender. It's like You will get the information when you get the information. It will happen. It's going to happen.
It might actually happen better than you could imagine. It might be somewhere in between. Your worst case and your best case might be somewhere in between. And just like, focusing on what you can control and then just letting go of the rest. Because with uncertainty, it doesn't, and this is something that I have been really understanding more recently, is it doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Whereas I was always like, Oh, this is uncertainty. It feels uncomfortable. This is how I move through it. Whereas now I'm like, actually, with uncertainty comes the opportunity for something better than you could ever imagine. ever have imagined, that you can't actually imagine right now, that if you had all the information, if you could control everything and plan everything down to the micro detail and know exactly how everything would pan out, you would miss, like, the opportunities for, joy and [00:18:00] inspiration and things to happen.
That you're like, that is the craziest coincidence. Like how did that happen? I literally had no idea that that was even possible and I could not even have imagined that this thing would happen. And it's so amazing. And so just thinking about that, like with whatever uncertainty there is at the moment, that is a good thing because it's leaving open this possibility.
There's almost like so many possibilities of something like magic happening or something amazing happening that you can't quite imagine right now. And so when you can, again, it's like, you know where you're going towards your goal. You're focusing on what you can control and you're just being present with the uncertainty when you can let the rest of it go and know that you're going to find out the information you need when you need it.
Then you can make a decision on what's next, like you don't need to think like 23 steps ahead and try and figure everything out of like how it's actually going to work, which is what your brain wants to do. It's like, wait, I need to [00:19:00] figure all this out and like think about every possibility. It's like, you don't need to know that yet at some point you will, but you'll have the information then and then you'll make a decision about the next step and then there'll be some more uncertainty and then you'll get all the information you need, you'll make a decision about the next step.
That is how you will do it one step at a time. You don't need to know all these steps. So when you can almost like let that go. It just becomes so much lighter when you can lean into trust. if whatever situation you're in now feels maybe a little bit like, oh, I'm not sure I can trust this.
Think about something you can trust. Is there someone you're with that you feel trust with? Is there someone you trust telling stuff to? Do you trust yourself? Like is there a situation you can imagine where you have felt trust or a person where you felt trust and just imagining that.
And if you bring that to your mind right now, like for me, trust feels very like, it's almost like a hug. It's like, feels very grounding, very centering, very calming, and it's just so much more relaxing for our body and our mind. Like we're not in this like [00:20:00] worry, like worry loop place, like, okay, no, I can, it's almost like I can relax.
Everybody's like, okay, don't need to be on high alert. Don't need to be trying to control the universe and everything. And everyone, I can just like, relax that I've done what I can, I'm doing what I can. And like, I can just like go for the rest and it's like, it's like this big exhale. We can actually, when we can just trust, we can enjoy the present moment so much more.
We can be present with our life right now, because if you think about it, literally all of the future is uncertain. Even though our brain's like, yeah, but I will wake up and I will do these things and I will do this. And it's like, we think we will know how the day will unfold every day. Especially if you're in a place where like, maybe you're have routines or you're like going to the same place every day.
Like if that's how your life feels, then uncertainty can feel even a bit more like, because you're quite used to like, things have like quite a regular feel to them. But even then, you don't really know if that's [00:21:00] how it's actually going to happen. Because again, someone could be making a decision or having a conversation or something could happen, like a series of events could happen that completely changes the course of your day, and you literally have no idea right now.
And you will only find out in the moment. And then you will respond to it. And so it's just knowing that actually every single day is uncertain. Even, like, however much you think it's planned and you know how it's going to go, like, there's going to be some uncertainty there that you just could never have accounted for.
And like, that's okay. And yet you still trust that whatever happens, You're going to be okay, you're going to respond, you're going to figure out, you're going to make that decision in that moment when you have the information to make the decision. You have done that literally your whole past up until this moment.
You're here at like every moment in the past when something unexpected has happened that you could never have predicted. You have responded to it, you've figured it out, and you've moved through it, and here you are. So that is going to happen in the future. Whatever like uncertainty there is, whatever the outcome ends up being, you will figure it out.[00:22:00]
And you will keep going. Here's the final piece I want to leave you with is humans. We have this thing called hedonic adaptation, meaning we have this like baseline level of happiness. And when an event happens. Maybe something that like boosts, we're like, you know, we get a little spike of like, feeling happy or excited or proud, and then it comes back down to this baseline.
If something quote unquote negative or that we didn't want happens, we get a bit of a dip and then it comes back up to this baseline generally. as humans, we are horrible at predicting. First of all, how happy something will make us feel in the future. We always think it's going to make us more happy than it actually does because we come back down to this baseline.
And we always think a future event is going to be worse, like the worst case is going to be worse than it actually ends up being. We always come back up to this baseline. And so knowing this, that however, quote unquote bad you think something will be or like the uncertainty or like the worst case it will never actually be as bad as [00:23:00] you think when you're in it because you'll be like okay this is what it is now like you will adjust to it and you'll figure out and you'll still probably like even if it's something that you didn't want and you didn't choose you'll still probably find moments to like laugh about it to connect to be outside in nature to like Laugh with like sheer joy with other people.
Like you'll still have these moments, even if the general situation is like, okay, this isn't what I chose, and then you will just respond. So just knowing that like if nothing else, you can trust you, that whatever happens you have Got you. And again, this is why you wanna be kind to yourself. So going back to the, the episode of like, why.
Being hard on yourself doesn't make you try harder and like we listen to that if you haven't like this is why you want to be kind to yourself because then you can trust yourself and then you know that whatever uncertain things are whenever you're trying something new like if you know that you've got you, you know you're going to be okay.
And that's how you can kind of trust and let go that you don't have to like control everything. It's like [00:24:00] things may happen and then you will respond. You will figure out you always, always do. So go lean, like lean into the uncertainty, sit with it, be present with it and then lean into the trust as well.
There's so much that you can trust and then just finding all the evidence that like when you do trust things actually work out okay, but when you allow yourself to trust yourself, the process. That things will actually be okay, that actually they usually are. And so just being like, Oh yeah, that was really uncertain, but I trusted and actually things were totally fine.
Or it was like really not as bad as I thought. The more that you can prove that to your brain and be like, you're worried about this thing and it didn't unfold like that, the more you can be like, Oh, it's actually safe to let go of like the worry and the control and just let go and just lean into the trust.
And also, have you signed up yet to the Scary Goals Club party? The first one is on Thursday, the 5th of September, one till half one, half hour, like intensive, high energy, lots of stuff [00:25:00] around scary goals. You can ask any questions. Going to come on live, it's going to be amazing. So sign up, the link is in the show notes and I'll see you next time.
Have an amazing rest of the day and amazing rest of the week. Mwah.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goals, making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you want to take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys. And I'll see you next time in the Scary Goals Club.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goals, making an [00:26:00] even bigger impact in the world. And if you want to take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys. And I'll see you next time in the Scary Ghouls Club.
