[00:00:00] And welcome to the scary goals club. I am your host, Hazel Robertson. And I believe that to make the impact that you know, you're called to make in the world, it requires setting bigger, scarier goals, and then becoming the person who creates them. That is what I am here to show you how to do. That's what we're diving into.
Mindset tools, tricks, really simple, practical, actionable steps. You can take and start applying straight away. Cause. Or whatever you believe, we have this one life that we definitely know about. Start making the impact you know you want to make in the world. Fear is not a reason to stop. We keep going. We work through the fear.
That is what we do in the Scary Goals Club. So come on in, come join, hit subscribe, and let's get started.
Hi and welcome to episode 31 of the Scary Goals Club podcast. We're on the other side of my Scary Goal and I really thought I would be more in the cliff edge if you've listened [00:01:00] to the last episode or two episodes ago. I really thought that I'd be a bit more like oh I don't have this goal to go after and feeling like a bit of a dip and the dip in dopamine that comes after it.
I haven't really had that. I've maybe had it for a few days but I think just being aware of it and also just, just been enjoying. Making it happen. I've been so enjoying reaching the goal. Like Luke and I went out for like an afternoon kombucha on Sunday afternoon and just like celebrated and cheers and You know, when he was chasing Flynn around, it's this really cool, like, cafe bar bit near our, near us, and Flynn is running around.
I was just like sitting there outside in the sun, had my kombucha in my hand, and just like closed my eyes and was like, Oh, so good. I'm just celebrating just everything at the moment. Just really sinking into like, this is this amazing life. I've created, I've worked towards, there's a lot of challenges going on in the moment as well.
I'm sure I'll speak about them in [00:02:00] future episodes, but like, there's always going to be things that feel easier, things that don't, that is just life, but just really sinking into being like, this is amazing. And so yeah, I've been feeling really energized. It also helps that it's been so sunny. It's been so nice.
I've spent so much time outside. I think that all helps as well, but the cliff edge, how I have normally had it with other scary goals hasn't quite materialized in the way that I thought it might. But I have also given myself some space and I did have some cries last week. So it has been a bit mixed, but yeah, just feeling like an amazing place.
And I'm like, okay, here we go. We'll continue on to the next 30 episodes and beyond. Maybe I'm just into the rhythm of it. Now. I'm not like getting to this point. It's like, cool. This is just what I do every week. And also I'm feeling so proud of myself because I am like a week ahead of like. podcast scheduled in.
So I'm recording this on a Tuesday. This Friday's episode is already scheduled out to go out. And I'm like, yes, it's like, if I don't edit this one this week, like that's okay. And I can just [00:03:00] have it a little bit in advance, which had got into a little bit before and then I didn't. And it's just, it's just so much easier when Knowing that like, if I get ill or if my plans change or something else, like life comes in, I've taken care of it and I don't have to do anything last minute because I've worked so hard as someone who was always last minute, always rushing so hard to actually have like plans in place and think ahead a bit longer term and actually create a bit like create less rushing and last minuteness in my life because I find it really stressful and it's just not that much fun.
And because I've shifted so far the other way. When I have those bits of moments where I'm having to get something together at the last minute, like it just doesn't, I just don't enjoy it anymore. It feels really stressful to my system, to my nervous system. I don't like it. And then I'm exhausted after it.
So I'm like, yes, I'm back in feeling like, ah, like spaciousness. That's the feeling that I love. It's like, I know that. [00:04:00] This week can unfold and I have things in planned in my calendar that I'm going to do, and also it can unfold. And if something happens, I'm not like frantic at the last minute. So yeah, it feels really good.
And I feel like I've had so much more headspace even this morning and so much energy to really think ahead and think longer term. There's a few bigger pieces of uncertainty that we've been working on over the last few weeks and those have like eased a little bit. So. Feeling good. Also, if you can see, if you're watching this on video, I just hear it.
I've got this headset mic still and the cable around it's like split a little bit. So I taped it before with some masking tape and I taped it with sellotape this time. I don't know if you can hear that. Maybe not because the mic's at the other side. It's so crinkly and it's like making noise Anyway, I'll tuck that away.
So What I wanted to talk through today is a topic that is so close to my heart because it is something I've [00:05:00] worked on and done so much work around and even recently it's been coming up again. I've done work around it to a whole nother level, which is always the way with this. It's like, it's not like there's this point that we arrive and suddenly we're like, oh, and everything's just easy and it's great.
Like things can shift, but often our old patterns and our old beliefs can sneak back in when we're. Putting ourselves in different situations or going after bigger goals or challenging ourself in a different way. These things can come up and test us and it's been coming up again recently. I've been learning more about it in a whole new way.
Also it's like literally one of the core things I coach my clients on and help them shift their relationship with and change their mindset around. And that is, how do you know if you're doing enough? And more specifically, I guess what normally is like sitting below that is. I'm not doing enough, like that's the kind of belief at the core.
Well, it's not at the core of it, but that's like the belief that sits under it. [00:06:00] And it can, if this is something maybe, you know, that you struggle with. And oftentimes it can come up where it's like, you can be getting things done, going about your day. And if you haven't done like one thing that you set out today to do, whether it was on your to do list, or if you use your calendar or something that you had said you were going to get done and you haven't.
And then literally it's like you. beating yourself up and so just like hard on yourself and tell yourself you're a failure and you're not good at it anyway and this this used to be for me like it could be something as as easy as like not as easy as simple as if I hadn't done the dishes. Like, not even in a work sense, could be something at work, but it could be like, Oh, I was going to clean the kitchen like before bed or whatever.
And I hadn't done it and it would just spin me out. And I would just beat myself up. I would like, like you're a failure, you're this, like all of the negative self talk. And I would just like curl up in a ball sometimes and be like under the duvet. It would just [00:07:00] spiral, spiral and spiral from like literally one.
thing that I hadn't got done that I had told myself I want to get done. If this is you, like no judgment, it's also not your fault. And I'm going to explain why. So we are, well, first of all, what is at the core of it is it's not like I haven't done enough. It's like, well, why is that such a big deal? Like that's often what we can like when we're coaching, it's like asking, okay, what, like, why does that even matter?
Why does that feel like such bad things? You didn't get something done. Why is that such a bad thing? And oftentimes it's because we're attaching getting that thing done, getting that thing completed to our sense of self worth. So it's like, okay. Okay. And the way that I used to have it was very binary in my brain.
And maybe this is with you often it's with my clients as well is like, okay, if I get all of these things done and I'm on top of everything, then I can be okay. Then I can like [00:08:00] relax. Then I can tell myself like, I'm doing a good job. If I am not, if I like have 10 things I wanted to get done, I get nine of them done.
That one thing suddenly it's like, I'm a failure. I'm not good at this. I'm terrible. Like, why did I even do it? So it's like very black and white. It's like, Everything done on top of it all. Cool. Now I can believe in myself and believe that I'm worthy and that I'm a good person and that like all of this.
And if I don't, even if there's like this tiny thing away from like this perfect ideal we have in our brain, suddenly it's like I'm just this terrible person. I'm a failure. So if this is you and you find that this is something that you struggle with. Like, first of all, our, like, you're not alone. And first of all, our brain is wired to look for the thing that we didn't get done.
Like that is just how, you know, scanning for danger is looking for like the unknowns uncertainty, especially if you have a belief that's in there that if you get those things done, then you'll be worthy. Then you'll be good enough. Your brain's like, Oh, but this thing suddenly that's going to like.
[00:09:00] shatter your self belief. It's like this one thing means I'm not good enough. So your brain is going to find it and be like, see, there's evidence that you're not good enough. And all of this can come from like such an early age. So many of the core beliefs that we have that we don't even realize that we're not even conscious of.
They're just wired into our brain and they're practiced again and again and again. We interpret them when we're kids, like we're as kids, we are making sense of the world. And. We put like our brain super smart. It's like looking for patterns. It's like, cool. When I do this thing, then I get praised. Then like this person was kind to me.
Then this person said I'm good. And so we attach like, okay, if I do certain things, then I am good enough. And it's completely subconscious.
And the way that that can then play forward. And also in our society where it's like, Praising on results, praising on achievement, praising on like doing and completing and taking things off.
We also get dopamine hits whenever we're taking things off a list, whenever we're getting something done, it feels [00:10:00] very rewarding to our brain. And so we want to kind of do more of it so we can get into this like do, do, do, do, do. Because it feels satisfying and also it's like, oh, and that's going to make me a good person somehow.
Like, if I am being productive, if I am producing something, if I am doing something, creating some result, suddenly that's going to make me a better person. That's just the subconscious programming that so many of us have in our brain and we're not even aware of it. And the way that you can maybe start to be aware of it is if you struggle to rest when you're not doing anything, you're not producing anything.
If that can feel really unsettling, that's maybe a sign that there's some connection that you have completely subconsciously between. You, your worthiness as a person and a result or producing or doing something. And so why is this a problem you guys thinking about that?
Why is this even a problem at all? Because when we are attaching our worthiness, how we think about ourselves, our sense [00:11:00] of self worth to something outside of ourselves, first of all, we can't always control that. So sometimes we have in our minds, like we're quite. Generally humans are quite poor at predicting how much we can get done in the short term.
We completely overestimate how much we can actually get done. We think we can do way more in the short term than we can because we don't take into account breaks like having a cup of tea and just stepping away and eating something and thinking about something and All of the unknown unknowns that we don't have and travel time and response time and distractions like we don't incorporate this in when we're planning our day often or thinking about what we can get done.
So we're like, yes, I'm going to do these 10 things that actually, if we just spent two minutes breaking it down, we'd be like, Oh, there's no way I can do all that. And yet, so we set ourself up to fail from the beginning by being like, I'm going to do all these things. And again, not intentionally, it's just how we're wired.
And then when we don't, we are so mean ourselves because we don't do [00:12:00] them, even though it was never actually going to be possible in the first place. Like it was never going to be possible to do those 10 things to the standard that we wanted or with other people involved that took delayed in coming back to us, like whatever that is.
So we set ourselves up to fail. And we beat ourselves up. And often when we're attaching our self worth to something outside of ourselves, we can't always control that. Like, again, we're not necessarily always going to get those 10 things done. Then we get, then we're going to beat ourselves up. Also, it completely doesn't take into account that We are 100 percent worthy, exactly as we are, like we don't have to do anything.
And this is something I, like, have done a lot of work on a few years ago, have coached loads of clients around. And I truly believe is that like. Just as we are, it's like human beings, just by being here, just by being alive, like in this moment, the fact that we are here on [00:13:00] this planet at this time as ourselves, like the chances of that happening are so, so small, like if you actually think about it, it kind of breaks your brain a bit.
It's like, it is so unlikely that you are here at all, let alone here right now. With the amazing body you have, the mind you have, the life you have, the privileges you have, the opportunities you have, the friends, the family, like the everything you have right now. Like, what are the chances of that? It is so small.
And I think sometimes when we can tap into that, it's like, wow, okay. And so even just by being here on this planet right now, like you are a hundred percent worthy. You are enough exactly as you are. You don't have to do anything. And I got that like, Logically, I really got that a few years ago, but it has only been in the last few months that I have really got it on like a deeper level.
And it was hearing from my coach that if you imagine babies when they're born, [00:14:00] they are, they just bring such joy, such light in like they light up every room. Everyone's like, ah, like loves babies, looking at babies, dogs as well. Like just by being them, they're not doing anything. If anything, like. They can be tiring, and you're putting energy into them, and you're feeding them, and you're doing this.
But of course you do, because they just bring so much light, so much joy, just literally by existing. Like, we don't, we're not like, oh, well, they're only worthy if they do this thing or don't do this thing. Like, we would never think that about, like, a baby or a small child. Same with, like, a dog. It doesn't have to, like, do anything to be good or not good.
It's like, it just, just by existing. It is, like, pure joy, pure, like, amazingness, pure light. And And yet over time, we like had in these beliefs that like link us being that way to doing something because we're getting praised for that. We're like, okay, cool. Well, that just means that I have to keep doing this to be good.
And [00:15:00] so that like having my son, like has just solidified that in like a whole nother level because I'm like, it doesn't almost matter what he does. It's just, it's like, Just by, like, him coming into a room, like, he lights up a room, and I just, like, want to hang out with him, want to be around him, want to learn from him, want to listen to him, just as he is existing, just as he is.
And I want to offer that that is actually the same for every single one of us. Like, who you are deep down inside, like, your true self, that is magic, that is just, like, Amazing. And nature, and light, and energy, and like, the essence of you is enough. And like, that is what you bring when you go out in the world and you interact with people.
And you don't have to be doing anything, getting ten out of ten things ticked off a list. isn't going to make you more of your essence. Like, you cannot add more of that. It is just [00:16:00] you. If anything, you can strip off some of these heavy layers that we take on that we have to do more to be worthy. It's like, if we can shed some of that and let some of that go, then we can tap into like, okay, actually just me being me in my like truest essence of me and that light that I bring into the world, like that is enough.
That is it. And so almost when we can, when we're having these beliefs that were taken on from society, and again, we're in a society where like, it's like growth is better and doing more and more, more, more. That isn't good for the planet, isn't good for people, isn't good for human beings, and isn't good for our mental health.
And it completely Like strips back and almost like simplifies the crazy complex just beauty and awe and amazingness of humans and of you. Like when we take ourselves down to like what we did or we [00:17:00] didn't do and we like narrow ourself down to that being our focus, it strips away all of these things that like we can't even put words into like I'm struggling to put words into.
Of something like the essence of us that's so much bigger than this, like you are so much more than you get done so much more like you're infinitely more infinitely more light, infinitely more powerful, and like that, that is what to focus on is just be, and I didn't really fully understand of like, what does it mean human being and like to be now I do it's like when we step away and we're not having inputs and we're not like in mental loops of thought in our head and we're not doing things and we're just like often I can find this when I'm connecting with nature or like playing with my son and just being so present and just like in the flow state being just who we are.
That's when it's like, Oh wait, it's so not about getting things [00:18:00] done and ticking things off. Like I am so much more than that and you are so much more than you get done. And so I just want to offer like if it's coming up like I'm not doing enough and how do I know if I'm doing enough. If you're believing that like however much you tick off or however much
you're doing that belief still going to be there. So it's, it's going to have you as this like hamster wheel treadmill, like onto the next thing. It's like, okay, I'm going to do enough, enough, enough, more, more, more, because unless we define what enough is, we will always think that we're not doing enough.
Like if we're believing we're not doing enough and that we're not enough, there's no amount of doing that can make us feel enough. Because it's a belief we have. So we can always do more, we can always tick more things off, our brain will always find more to do, because it's like, quick, do this thing, then you'll be enough.
Quick, do this, do this. Oh wait, contact that person, take on this project, do this thing, do this thing, then you'll be enough, then you'll be enough. And it just doesn't work that way, because unless we actually Like, underneath it all, believe that we [00:19:00] are just as we are without doing anything differently.
We're never going to believe we're enough. We're always going to be on that like more, more, more, more, more. And it's just going to lead to burnout. It's going to lead to exhaustion. It's going to lead to like over consumption. like sitting with feelings being present, like being present and okay with being alone with yourself and your own thoughts and not having to busy yourself.
save so much money because you're not. Um, stress and doing and then rushing and then not having any time and then buying takeaway and then ordering like clothes on your way home to like, feel better about yourself and like packing in this then it's like, Oh, actually, when you can realize like you are enough as you are and be present with you and yourself and your thoughts and be like, huh, that's I can just be like, that is enough.
Like you don't need extra things. You don't need to like the needing comes from thinking that that's going to make us feel better. And that's what advertising sells us is like, buy this thing, do this thing, book this and then you'll feel better. And like, yes, it might feel [00:20:00] like a moment because we get that dopamine rush from buying something, consuming something, going after something else.
But then we quickly come back to our baseline, and why it's often like, lot of people I coach, it's like they have been very successful and they've been like getting promotions and masters and this and this and this. And then they're like, wait, I feel so empty.
And yeah, I have all these things that I thought I wanted. And it's like, yes, but you were believing that those things were going to make you enough. And then when they didn't, you were still left with that feeling of like, I'm not enough. And so it actually works the other way around. It's like, Sitting with and believing truly, truly being okay with your being yourself and believing that you're enough.
That is how you get out of the hamster wheel of the like more, more, more, more, more. That is how you can like drop the judgment of, do you know what? I didn't get this thing done and that is actually okay. Just being kind that sometimes like life happens and it's like, okay, I can let go of that. And so how do [00:21:00] you know, like coming back to the question, how do you know if you're doing enough?
I am doing enough is a decision. It's not. Okay. If I do these five things, then that's enough because it will never be, there'll always be something more and your brain will always find it. If you believe you're not enough exactly as you are right now, there's no amount of the doing. There's no amount of the buying.
There's no amount of the consuming. There's no amount of the like go, go, going and goal achievement that will ever make you feel enough. Like that comes from you deciding right now that you are. And it is a practice. I'll tell you that. I think it's come up a bit the last few weeks for me when. Again, my brain's like, should be further here, should be further along, should be here, you're not doing enough, you're not doing enough, when, like for example, even just last Friday.
Again, I just needed to rest and I just went and again, celebrated reaching my scary goal. I was like, I am too tired to do anything. I know it's just not going to be a good focus, took my journal, went and had a coffee and a cup of tea and just like, be, was being. [00:22:00] Even as I was walking there, I could feel like a knot in my stomach and I was like, okay, what's going on?
I was breathing through it. And I was like, Oh, interesting. My brain is telling me that I should be doing these things that if I am not like, I'm not enough just being and taking the day to just actually like rest and step away and not be in front of a screen and not be doing and not be thinking and planning and creating but actually just be as like interesting.
So it comes up at every level. Like, again, You'll notice it in the quieter moments because sometimes we don't notice it when we're busy because we're on to the next thing on to the next thing and yet there's this like in those quieter moments they can feel really uncomfortable because there's this rumbling it's like inner belief like we feel a bit of discomfort and it's like when we can actually pause and check in and be like oh interesting that's what's going on.
And then question it and be like, how come that's, how can that not actually be true at all? And so I just want to offer that there is no like doing enough [00:23:00] scale. You will never do enough that will ever make you think you're doing enough. If you're even wondering how you're doing enough, it really just comes from you deciding right now that you are enough as you are.
And that you are doing enough and the more that you can just practice it, have it on a post it note, practice saying it to yourself again and again and again, I am doing enough that however, like close your laptop down at the end of the day and just be like, I've done enough. I am enough. I just leave it.
And the more you practice it, the more it'll just be part of your default thinking. So I hope that was helpful. Let me know if that resonates at all. And if you have any questions on that at all, I love hearing from you guys have an amazing rest of the day and amazing week ahead. I'll see you next time.
Mwah. Bye.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goals, making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you want to take this work deeper [00:24:00] and work with me directly, head to the show note and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys. And I'll see you next time in the Scary Goals Club.
