[00:00:00] And welcome to the scary goals club. I am your host, Hazel Robertson. And I believe that to make the impact that you know, you're called to make in the world, it requires setting bigger, scarier goals, and then becoming the person who creates them. That is what I am here to show you how to do. That's what we're diving into.
Mindset tools, tricks, really simple, practical, actionable steps. You can take and start applying straight away. Cause. Or whatever you believe, we have this one life that we definitely know about. Start making the impact you know you want to make in the world. Fear is not a reason to stop. We keep going. We work through the fear.
That is what we do in the Scary Ghouls Club. So come on in, come join, hit subscribe, and let's get started.
Hi and welcome to episode 36 of the scary goals club podcast. Oh, I am not a hundred percent today. If you're watching this on [00:01:00] video, you'll see I'm sitting down. I've actually taken the webcam off and like put on, I should show you, but I've put on top of my, my thermos. So I can't really top up my tea, but.
And I was actually supposed to have a meeting down in Perth today and had my train all booked and was looking forward to like getting some work done on the train and I woke up this morning like, had actually been feeling okay, woke up this morning with like a sore throat, like snot and basically all of last winter for months I was ill, I kept getting colds, I had mastitis like.
five or six times was on antibiotics. I was like, no, this is not happening again this winter. So I canceled the train and did the call by video call instead, which actually worked out totally fine. Like it is amazing being in person, like having a coffee in person, but it was easy to do it in by video as well.
And so I'm so glad because we took Flynn up to nursery this morning [00:02:00] and. Like, I was carrying him. I've got this, this sling. I put him in like, put him on the back and uh, I put him in and I call it the baby koala because he's like this little koala on my back. And even then like walking up, I was like, oh, like my body felt physically tired.
Um, so yeah, so I basically am on like super, my comfy cosy fleecy trousers. I have two pairs of socks, including some really thick smart wool socks. And I have my slippers on. And also I've actually finished it. And if you can see it, but this is my third cacao and oat milk and honey. It's so nice. I've got this like milk frother, which is very luxurious, but it's great.
And like. froth the milk, put in a bit of cacao, well cacao first if you want to know, add a bit of water, mix it up, put in those like the steamed milk, oat milk, and then add in some honey, and then on top put like cinnamon and mixed spice, and it's so [00:03:00] nice, it's like comforting, it's damp and grey and like drizzly outside, and it's just like a good day to be.
inside. And so yeah, just a little bit lower on energy levels, but here I am. I hope you're keeping well in this November weather, and I hope you're dodging any colds or anything that's coming your way. I'm going to have an early night tonight. I've had like hot ginger and lemon and honey as well. So just ready to like knock on its head and rest and not get ill, properly ill.
So Here I am. Slightly different setup. Slightly different energy that I'm in today. But today I wanted to talk about rushing. Rushing and impatience. And especially, like, rushing and impatience around our goals. Why we do it. What it actually means and how to kind of move through it so that you don't feel the need to feel such a rush as well.
So [00:04:00] you might notice, like if you have set your goal, you've got your scary goal you're working towards and there's moments, maybe if there's been setbacks or things haven't gone to plan or whatever has happened that there can, you can get this feeling of almost like frustration. It's like frustration, impatience, like I'm not there yet.
I wish I was there. I should be there. Why is it taking so long? Like all of that stuff can come up and it's totally normal and I'll talk through why that we actually get it and then how to move through it. And so if you are feeling like you just want your goal to be here right now and it's like why is it not here yet?
I'm feeling really frustrated at like where you are in your situation right now because it's like you have in your mind the goal. You know what you're working towards. Like that is clear in your mind, but like your reality around you isn't reflecting that yet. It can be very easy to feel like frustrated and impatient because of that.
Like frustration [00:05:00] comes up when we have some expectation and what we have isn't meeting our expectations. It's easy to get frustrated. And impatience is obviously if we are, we're feeling that when we're wanting something now. Now, the reason that we want something now that we want like our goal to happen right now is always the same.
It's always because we think we're going to feel differently. when we reach the goal. So that would be the only reason why you would want your goal right now. Because, like, think about what your goal is. And if you can imagine, like, how would you feel when you made your goal happen? If that was, like, just your reality?
All of those feelings, like, that is what you're wanting to feel now. And if you're not feeling that right now, it could be like, okay, well, I just want my goal to happen so I can feel this way. I'll give you a specific example that actually came up recently for me was, I think I talked about in a previous podcast, we were selling our house in Edinburgh [00:06:00] and I'll talk more in detail, but basically figuring out like a house up here and the, so the other like 10 days a week or so ago, like our tap and kitchens were renting here at the moment and the tap in the kitchen has started leaking and.
It took like 10 days for the landlady to get it sorted and fixed. It's fixed now. And like a few days ago I was just, I was like trying to fiddle with this tap and like use it but it was like not working that well and it was just I could, I was like Oh, I just want, just want to like not be renting, want to just like be in my own space where I can make the decisions, I can call a plumber out when I want and just like have my own house, have my own space.
Like I just, it's like, oh, just feeling really frustrated at the situation and feeling really like impatient at wanting that. And I could feel myself getting into that place of like annoyance and just [00:07:00] like, I want it to happen now. And then I caught myself because it was like, Oh, wait, what is that feeling that I am actually wanting?
Because the reason that we want anything so that we do or don't do anything or want anything is because, because of how we think it's going to make us feel. So anything that you want in your life, including a goal, it's always because we think that when we have that thing, we're going to feel a certain way.
It's going to make us feel a certain way. And so for me, this, like having our own space, having our own house, having something that we're not dependent on, like someone else deciding when the plumber comes out or not, like it was feeling more like in control, feeling like. at peace or just like calm till like all of those feelings were the feelings that I was craving and wanting and that I was associating with us having like our own house in our own space.
[00:08:00] And of course I was able to catch it like I can't always catch it in the moment. Something like I can see in clients obviously that's the amazing thing about coaching is like someone else can reflect that back to you but I can often catch it in the moment as well. And I was like, Oh, interesting. I feeling frustrated because I'm wishing the tap was fixed and it's not yet.
And therefore I'm like, Oh, and then this has, and it was like, I could notice my brain then finding like all the other things that like, well, this is annoying and this is annoying and like, the Magnolia wallpaper is this is this. And like all of the stuff was just like this and this and this, I could see my brain doing it.
I was able to catch it. And it was like, ah, okay, because. Again, why we want anything, like our goal, the reason that you want to create your goal is because of how you think it's going to make you feel when you create it. It's the same with all of us, but how the way that it works, like in reality is actually different.
So we think, okay, we have the thing and suddenly we're going to feel [00:09:00] differently. And it just doesn't work like that because how we are feeling is driven by how we're thinking. And so just because something changes doesn't mean we're necessarily going to think differently. We might, but if we still have the same like thought patterns or whatever's going on, like that's not going to change just because the situation has changed.
Sometimes it can, but not always. And also it means we can have the same situation that we have been in and knowing that what we're thinking is driving how we're feeling, we can have the same situation without changing anything. We can change something if we want for sure, but we don't have to change anything and we can still change how we're feeling just by changing how we're thinking.
So we can change like just by thinking like what we are focusing our attention on, what we are thinking about the most, like where we put our energy, where we put our attention, we create more of and we feel a different way. I'm so. Like, if you're ever feeling like you're rushing and you want your goal to happen right now, it's because of the feeling you think will happen when you [00:10:00] get there.
If you ever, like another thing that you might be doing that like comes up a lot in sessions is like, if it's like, okay, I will get these things done. I will get this thing out of the way. I will get this project out of the way. I will get this. whatever it is, like work thing, stressful situation, like whatever, just get this out of the way, then I can relax.
And it's like, okay, when this is done, then I get to relax and like feel relaxed, feel calm, feel at ease. And actually that doesn't always happen because often when that thing is like, if say it's some big project, big deadline, big proposal, whatever it is, If we are in the mindset of like, okay, I need to get this done.
I need to get this done. What else do I need to get done? I need to get done? If we're in a state, an emotional state where we are not relaxed, we're anxious, we're on a high alert, we're like looking at like what needs done, like the busy, busy, busy, but that just doesn't magically stop when the thing we've been focusing on goes away.
Our brain is like, okay, now I need to find something else to do. And it will be automatically on to [00:11:00] whatever the next thing is. It's like if you're ever, like, I don't know, brushing your teeth in the morning, thinking about the things you have to do and then you're doing the things and you're, you're like in a meeting thinking about the emails or thinking about the next meeting and you're doing the thing and you're thinking about the next thing it's like if you're always If your brain is like in a pattern, like a habit where it's always thinking about what else there's to do, the next thing, this like future focus, always living there and not like in the present, then it's always going to find more things to do, even when you've done that thing.
Cause it's like, okay, when I do this thing, then I get to relax. But if you haven't practiced feeling relaxed, if you haven't practiced feeling calm, if you haven't practiced being present, that just doesn't magically happen when the thing you've been focusing on goes away. Because it's just replaced with another thing.
Your brain locks on like something else and we'll start working on that. So it's the same with like, like even for example, with the house example, say like I could get in the [00:12:00] house, like whenever that's going to be, it's probably going to be about a year, but like I could be in that house and still not feel calm or settled because it would be like, Oh, but this, Oh, but this, Oh, but we need blinds, but we need that.
Like there's always going to be something else that my brain would be focusing on before I could relax or before I could enjoy it. So it's noticing that like, huh, okay, there's some feeling I'm craving, I'm not getting right now. And for me, that was like calm, peace, like feeling relaxed. And it was as soon as I could catch it, it was like, okay, that's what I'm craving.
I don't need to like be in a new house for that to happen, which again might not happen for like a year. So of course I'm like, I just want it right now. Like, okay, well, how can I create that sense of calm, that sense of peace, that sense of feeling relaxed exactly where I am right now. That is like, that is like the biggest secret and the biggest, most amazing thing ever is like, once you realize that you can do [00:13:00] that, you don't need to change the situation.
You can change the situation, but you don't have to like. Like, nothing can change and you can still, like, feel better, feel how you want to feel just by doing it internally in your own mind. And it's like, that's why I often say it's like you could have, you know, 2000 unread emails in your inbox and you could have all these meetings and you could have a deadline, you could have all this stuff.
And you could still create a sense of calm and peace because that comes from within. Nothing external can ever create that for us. Of course, our environment can influence us. Like if you're walking barefoot in nature and like, like lying beside a babbling brook, like of course that's going to help you feel calm and help you feel restored.
If you're doing yoga, if you're doing mindfulness, like all of these things will help for sure. But equally, you could still have the same. Factors in your life and you can change your internal state. And of course, taking a [00:14:00] walk and meditating and breathing and yoga and mindset, like all of that piece is how you actually cultivate that and how you tap into feeling calm and grounded and whatever the feeling is that you were craving.
It's how you do that now without having to have that hang on creating a goal or not.
And so with all of this, it's just noticing for you, like what areas of your life right now. Are you feeling really impatient about, are you maybe feeling a bit frustrated? Are you maybe rushing? And the rushing often comes from wanting to like, get the thing done, change the situation in some way. Just have it like done so that you can feel better.
Because again, that's the thing that our brain like tricks us into is like, are you When this thing is done, when this is, when this situation is different, when the project deadline is done, when this bit of my goal, when my goal is done, when this has happened, then I will feel differently. So thinking now and even like, pause this, write it down, like, just think like [00:15:00] what areas of your life are you rushing or even notice as you're going about your day?
Are there any points when you're kind of like trying to make something happen more quickly? You're like rushing about like, ah, I just have to get this done now. I'm just noticing, okay, why? Often there is, like, the reason that we rush is there's some feeling that we're feeling right now that we are trying to escape from.
So this can often come up with me. I notice if I'm, like, rushing tidying something or rushing about trying to get something done quickly or, like, blim, normally it's some kind of, like, anxiety. There's something there. There's maybe some, like, shame. Something, like, sitting there. And everything like speeds up and it's almost I'm like, I'm gonna ignore it and push it away and like, just get the thing done to try and get rid of the feeling thing is it just doesn't work that way.
Like we can't get rid of a feeling by doing more. We can't get rid of a feeling just by taking action and getting something [00:16:00] done. The feeling is still there because the feeling is driven by how we're thinking. And so the only way to shift how we are actually feeling is to be with the feeling or to shift how we're thinking.
And so knowing that, that it's like, and part of that is even just like being present with how we're feeling right now. So I notice, and again, I can't always catch this, but often I can, if I'm really rushing with something, because also when we're rushing, we're signaling back to our brain and our body that like, there's a stress, there's a panic.
And so we feel more stressed, we feel more panic, feel more, feel more anxious. It kind of goes in it. And then it's like, must go faster, must go faster. If we can catch that and like slow ourselves down, it's like almost when I'm rushing, I consciously go really slow. If I notice I'm talking really quickly, sometimes I'll slow it really down, right down.
If I notice I'm, yeah, rushing around, rushing around, or like, I'll just get this, get this done, get this done. I'll like purposefully take a few [00:17:00] breaths and just go more slowly. And the thing is, it takes the same amount of time. If I'm rushing and stressing, jumping about from different things, it doesn't mean it goes more quickly.
It means I probably make a mistake or miss something or do something twice or just don't Cause everyone else to be in a stress. And so I, I purposefully slow everything down just a bit more mindful about like methodical, and then I feel more calm and then I actually feel more at ease and more at peace, like exactly where I am.
The other thing that I did when I noticed the other day, like I was wanting to. escape the situation I was in now. And I was like, oh, I just want this, like, want the house thing to be sorted. And like, it's like, want it to happen now. What might, this is another scary goal I'm working towards. It's like, I want the house to be sorted now.
Was like, okay, how can I just be Like, so grateful for where I am right now. So it was like, I was getting so annoyed with the tap and so, and then it was like, all the other things I was seeing was like this and [00:18:00] this and this. And it was like, okay. And I like just stopped and I paused and I like redirected my brain to focus on all the amazing things about the house.
Like it's really simple, It's easy to clean. It's easy to tidy. It's easy. Like. We have so many, like, amazing memories here. It's in a really good location. Like, there's awesome trails just behind. There's, like, it's got, like, nice light comes in. Everything's easy.
And I was like, you know, okay, the tap broke. But, like, we don't have to pay for it. Great. So we're like, okay, we're paying rent. But, like, someone else, maybe they're not fixing it in the time that we would want. But someone else is fixing it for us. Like, we don't have to sort that out. And it was, like, Once I could catch that, I then felt like could pull and feel gratitude for where I was right now.
And so that's something again that you can do if you find yourself rushing, not only as just like slowing things down, but like really feeling grateful for where you are right now. [00:19:00] The other, um, sorry, so just my knees, this is like not the comfiest chair I'm sitting on. Maybe I need to get a little like, I'm going to sit back.
It's just that kind of date, um, I'm actually just going to check on the video that you can still see me and that my head doesn't link disappear. Hang on. Oh, I'm still there. It's pretty much just my head. Maybe I should move it a little bit. Anyways. Um, yeah. The other thing that was like, Oh, not that way.
The other thing that was so funny, I remember another time, like really wishing something was here right now was so I was like pregnant with Flynn. I can't remember if I actually said this or not in a previous podcast. I probably did. It's got to the point now that I'm like, what did I just do in the past?
What's all my rambling? Anyway, if you've read it already, you'll hear it again. Um, and I remember how many, I think I'd worked up until like, 39 weeks, something like that, of [00:20:00] pregnancy. He ended up coming at like, well, I got induced at like 42 weeks, but yeah, by like 39 weeks, I was tired. I was so, so tired.
And I had like, this particular evening, and I wasn't sleeping that well, which is kind of crazy. It's like, Your last month of pregnancy when you re so tired anyway it s like you have insomnia and you're just awake in the middle of the night or like waking up early, and um had like so many back to back coaching calls like the next day, and I was like I was so tired and I was like lying in bed in the evening wishing I would go into labor early so that I didn't have to do these coaching calls because I was so tired.
It wasn't that I didn't want to do the coaching calls, I was just like, I was so exhausted that I was like, the energy of like getting up, like showering, like trying to dry my hair and like concentrate, like I just was like, I was totally done. And it was almost that thing of like, I was wanting the goal of like.[00:21:00]
Giving birth and having my son. It's like, I wanted that to happen so much more quickly so that I could feel it was almost like relief and ease and like just people to be like, oh. And so it was like, I could then say in that moment, I was like, okay, that feeling that I'm wanting. Cause there's one thing that's like, you can shift your mindset for sure.
And you can create that feeling now. And especially when it's like, you can't necessarily get your goal to happen quicker or like. Like for us with the house, it's like we're not going to move. We can't like change that. I mean, we could change it in a shorter timeframe, but it's like, we have a plan. We know what we're doing, but like something, so it's like, okay, then it's shifting my mindset around that.
But with, so like focusing on what's in your control, basically, but with Flynn, I was like, I don't have to do these calls. I can just literally start my mat leave now and just start it earlier and just be like, do you know what? That's actually like I'm starting it now. I'm [00:22:00] too tired. I'm not going to do it.
And so yes, I could have one option is I could have coached myself and been like, okay, I'm just going to like, be grateful. And this is the final calls and do that. But it was to the point that I was like, I'm so done. I'm like literally wanting to go into labor early and maybe it wasn't 39 weeks. It must've been earlier.
Anyway, wanting to go to labor early. Just so I don't have to do this, I was like, that is a sign that I probably got too much on that, like, physically, mentally, emotionally, this is more than my body is able to do right now. Sure, I could have done it, like, I could have pushed through, but it was like, this is a sign that I actually need to rest.
And so I just cancelled those and just started my mat leave early. And it's the same thing, it's like, noticing, is there some time you're wanting something to just happen sooner? If it's like say you have a project you're working towards or again some goal and it's like you just it's like oh I just want this to be done so I can relax that's a sign that You're maybe not building in enough rest, [00:23:00] enough space that maybe you have too many things on and it's time to let some of those things go.
Like really tuning into like, why are you craving this thing and how can you then build that in now? So like, yes, there's the yoga, the meditation and like other things that can help you feel calm and feel relaxed. But like the other part of all of that is letting go of things. And saying no, and so it's being willing to be like, okay, what is that feeling that I'm craving?
No, knowing like you're wanting something to happen now or you're like, oh, I just can't wait until if you're just like, oh, I just need this holiday, like that's a sign, like what's the holiday signifying? Like rest, maybe fun relaxation. Like obviously it's awesome seeing new places and doing different things, but it's like, What is it you're craving and how can you actually.
Give that to yourself now without having to change anything drastically or like having to have the goal happen now, like how can you bring more of that into your day to day, knowing that like you can change how you feel right now without [00:24:00] having to like have this without having, okay, here's what I was trying to say without having to wait until like some point in the future to feel that way.
So it's like, you don't need to wait. to feel a certain way. That is the, like, the lie that we tell ourselves that we have, like, been conditioned to believe, is, like, when this thing happens, then I get to feel a certain way. I can only feel this way I want to feel at a point in future when, like, all these things are done, when, you know, I have this goal, when this thing's happened, when whatever.
That is not true. Like we are in control of our emotional state. Like sure, we may react to things immediately and like based on past programming, but ultimately we can then create a feeling within ourselves with practice and we can do things to generate more of that feeling within ourselves. We don't have to wait until some arbitrary point in time when like, Something's done, or a project's in, or whatever has happened, it's like, we can do that.
We can enjoy ourselves right now. We can feel calm [00:25:00] and like, relaxed right now. We can feel happy and joyous and grateful and just energized and just love right here right now. Like, it doesn't have to be some magical point in the future when something's done. So that's the key thing I want to like, instill you today.
I believe you with today is just really being aware, like, what bits of your life are you rushing or wanting something to be done so that you can relax, you can have fun, you can enjoy life again, or whatever it is. Just get this thing out of the way. And actually it's not waiting till this future moment.
It's like you get to feel that way right now. You want to, you can, you are in complete control of that by shifting how you think, by shifting your environment, by setting things up right now. So like you can feel happy right now. You can feel calm. Right now, even if you're in the middle of a deadline, a big project, even if you have however many emails, like [00:26:00] all of that, you can still access feeling calm, feeling present.
Like that is always available to you. No one else can change that. Like you get to decide that for you. And like, it's just such a powerful and empowering thing. to like have the skill and the tools to be able to do is like you're just not so much at the effect of like whatever is happening around it's like oh without changing anything i get to change my emotional state like i get to change how i'm feeling i get to change how i am being and Yeah.
I just want to leave you with that. So go and decide, like, how is it that you're wanting to feel when you create your scary goal or at some point in the future, when this project outlines out the way or whatever it is, and then practice feeling that now. Just like playing with that, getting into that feeling, trying on the feeling, feeling what it feels like, thinking a thought that's going to generate that feeling, or even just imagining like the goal is already there and you've already created it.
And like, the more you can practice that [00:27:00] and like closing your eyes and visualizing it, You will feel that feeling now, and you won't be in such a rush. It's like, there's almost an element of like, it's gonna happen. So like for us, like with the house stuff, it's like, okay, this is a goal that's like a year away.
It's gonna ha like, it's gonna happen. The more that I practice visualizing it, imagining that it's already happened, I get to feel those amazing feelings right now. Even in a place with a rental property where the tap took 10 days to fix when it was leaking, even if the walls are magnolia and there's still like random screw holes and like storage heaters that are really annoying and all of this stuff, like I could get like sucked into that or it's like I can imagine, no, this is happening, get to feel like amazing right now and just also enjoy being here.
And I think that's the other piece is like, when you truly believe that your goal is going to happen, it's easier to feel and imagine that now [00:28:00] it's when it's like, Oh, but it might not happen. And I'll be like stuck here and this will never happen. Like then we can get into the, like, it's feeling we're behind, like wishing we were somewhere else and not enjoying where we are right now.
Whereas if it's like, we can really imagine, and again, why visualization is so powerful, imagining the goal is done, really feeling it. And then. It almost, it's like this trust of like, oh, of course it's going to happen, like, of course that's going to happen. And I can just enjoy dreaming about it and enjoy the process to making it happen.
And so that's the other fun bit is like, again, with the tap and with being like, getting frustrated and wishing we were in that house now, it's like. The more that I spend time dreaming about the house, I'm like, Oh, it's so fun. And I can like feel energized now. So again, with your goal is just what does that feeling you want to feel anywhere you're rushing and you're wanting to feel other feeling and just practice feeling it now, imagining [00:29:00] your goal more, feeling grateful and just setting up your situation right now so that you can feel how you want to feel.
And maybe it's letting go of a few things. Maybe it's just being really present in whatever you're doing and just, just enjoying every single moment. And like knowing at one point you're going to look back on it and be like wow that was part of the journey of the like the journey of to enjoying the goal when you get it is enjoying the process as you go I've talked about this for like celebrating your wins it's like yeah We don't magically enjoy and love the thing when we get it, like nothing's different, we've got other problems, we're on to the next thing, unless we enjoy the journey as well.
So it's just about enjoying this time, there is no rush, like you're exactly where you need to be and just Yeah, slowing things down, being present, whoops, enjoying the moment, enjoying cups of cacao with oat milk and honey. That's what I'm doing. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing rest of the day, an amazing rest of the week, and I will see you next time.
[00:30:00] Okay. Bye. Mwah.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goals, making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you want to take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys. And I'll see you next time in the Scary Ghouls Club.
