Letting people down

Do you say yes to avoid letting people down?

I totally get it.

I used to worry so much about letting people down, it caused me to be busy all the time.

I said yes to things that, if I'm honest, I knew I would struggle to do, or do well.

And afterwards I'd feel resentful and annoyed.

Not at anyone else, but at myself.

For saying yes when no was the best answer for me.

When no would've meant overdelivering on my existing commitments AND having balance in my life.

When no would've meant more space and energy.

More fun.

When no would've been the truth.

My truth.

Each time I said yes to avoid letting others down, I let myself down.

I'd reach the end of the week exhausted.

I'd rush around from one thing to the next, doing a mediocre job at everything.

And I'd use that as more evidence to fuel my worry about letting other people down.

Sounds like fun, right??

What shifted for me was when I started focusing less on what other people might think of me and more of what I thought of me.

That's when I started prioritising my own wellbeing and existing commitments before taking on anything else.

That's when I started pausing and asking:

Is this a "hell yeah"?

Do I have capacity to deliver?

If not, I let it go.

I told the truth.

I said no.

And in doing so, I actually helped others more.

Because everything I said yes to, I meant it.

Everything I said yes to, I overdelivered.

Because I wasn't burned out or jumping from thing to thing.

I was rested, energised and focused.

So if you find yourself automatically saying yes to something and regretting it later, ask yourself - why?

Why do you feel the need to say yes?

Why are you prioritising others' requests over your own?

People will always make requests.

YOU get to decide whether to say yes.

This is why mindset coaching is so powerful and transformative.

It helps us to understand why we're doing things.

It helps us see beliefs that might be holding us back. Beliefs that are keeping us exactly where we are.

Keeping us doing the same things - like saying yes on default.  

Once we know why we're doing this, then we can decide if we want to change it.

Here are three simple steps to saying no:

1. When the request comes in, pause. Don't reply immediately, especially if you're used to saying yes quickly. If possible, say you'll need some time to think and check your other commitments.

2. Ask yourself, is this a hell yeah? Can I deliver on this, with other things I have on? How will I feel doing this later? How will my future self feel if I say yes to this?

3. If it's a no, deliver the no. Be polite but firm. Here are some ways you can politely decline:

- I’m afraid I don’t have the capacity to deliver on this at the moment 

- Unfortunately, this is not a good time for me so I'll have to decline

- I’m sorry, but I’m not able to take that on

- It’s not going to be possible for me to do that just now, I’m afraid

- I’m not going to be able to do as good a job as I’d like to and still deliver on my existing commitments so I’ll have to say no

If you're used to saying yes, saying no might feel uncomfortable at first.

But with practice, it gets easier.

Embrace the discomfort.

Practice the skill.

Think of your future self.

And watch your life flourish with how much more time and energy you have.

You've totally got this!

P.S. Ready to stop being busy and overwhelmed and instead say no to all the things holding you back from creating the life you want?

Let's do this!

Book a free call with Hazel