11 Becoming the person who's already created the goal
===
[00:00:00] And welcome to the scary goals club. I am your host, Hazel Robertson. And I believe that to make the impact that you know, you're called to make in the world, it requires setting bigger, scarier goals, and then becoming the person who creates them. That is what I am here to show you how to do. That's what we're diving into.
Mindset tools, tricks, really simple, practical, actionable steps. You can take and start applying straight away. Cause. Or whatever you believe, we have this one life that we definitely know about. Start making the impact you know you want to make in the world. Fear is not a reason to stop. We keep going. We work through the fear.
That is what we do in the Scary Goals Club. So come on in, come join, hit subscribe, and let's get started.
Hi and welcome to episode 11 of the Scary Goals Club podcast. I am your host Hazel Robertson and this is the episode after the last episode, [00:01:00] episode 10, where I spoke about my recent ADHD diagnosis. ~And I don't know, this one almost feels less scary. Like, ~and even I've been reflecting and well, first of all, just thank you all so much like for everyone who listened to that episode and for reaching out and all your like just really kind comments and your thoughts about it.
~And many of you also have ADHD that you know, it's like you would have no idea. You don't really know unless people tell you and just your thoughts~ and offers of help and offers of chats. Like, yeah, I just feel ~ ~I'm trying to like put it into words, almost like just very. and validated and most like it's safe to be me.
It feels like it's okay to be me. I'm like a work in progress. I've been figuring all this stuff out and yeah, just thank you so much just for all of your kindness and your offers of help as well. So yeah, I, I'm such a, I call like a vulnerability hangover. Like after sharing that, well it was one thing recording it.
And then editing it and then it was like, okay, scheduling it and going out, [00:02:00] it's like, oh my goodness. Whoa. Okay. And then, and then it was out in the world and then actually there were some really lovely comments back. So thank you so much for all of that. And even this one, this episode, I think feels. It's almost in some ways a little bit scarier and I'm not really sure why it's like, Oh wait.
I think even this morning I had it on my calendar, it's now 11, five past 11, I had it on my calendar at 10 to record this episode. I've literally put it off for like an hour. So, cause it's like, Oh wait, so wait, I have to do it again. I have to show up again. I'm going to keep going. I got just like this.
Episode with his diagnosis out of the world and then just like go and hide and not show up again. It's like, Oh no, wait, I'm doing these 30 episodes. This is episode 11. ~ ~It's time to show up and time to do it all again. So yeah, I was feeling in a little bit like that place this morning.
Even one thing that's, it's so interesting. So I'd recorded the episode and then I didn't even want to put in the title or the show notes, [00:03:00] So obviously for me, there's like different ways of becoming okay with being like, I guess public with this information. I mean, it's not that I know that many people, but still putting it out where anyone could like access it and listen to it.
So there's one thing like telling close friends and family. And even then there's not many people that actually know that I've actually told. And then it's recording podcast, which feels like if someone's actually going to take the time to listen to me. Chat away, like that feels quite safe. Like they're probably really kind people and they've got my own back and I've got my own back as well.
~Like I must say, like putting this out of the world, like even if there were some horrible comments back, I know that I would still have my own back and be kind to myself no matter what. So there is that ~there's still the fear of course of what others think, but there's also like, well, people are people and I have my own back as well.
They can think whatever they want. So. Anyways, there was the like recording it and then actually writing somewhere in the podcast or in the show notes or like in an email or in a social media post, like writing ADHD. Like I haven't got that far yet. It's just like my diagnosis. It's like if you really want to know what it is, you have to listen to that.
So, [00:04:00] so at some point there's obviously different layers of like. Yeah, becoming more public with this information and the next one that feels quite scary is like actually writing it down, like having it in text form where it's like you could see it or you could read it. I don't know why that feels more scary, but it does.
So maybe that's my next thing to lean into is. not just speaking about it, but actually having it written somewhere. So we'll see how we go. But yeah,~ and I even, I'd made this like,~ I could tell that I was putting off the episode this morning, like recording it because I had made like a thermos of tea, like thermos of tea.
I've got my mug and I was like, Oh, I'm going to make really nice coffee. And I haven't had just like a decaf coffee, don't have caffeine, but I haven't had that for ages. And I even got down, like got this milk foamer and like hit the milk in and like made the coffee and the like machine that again, haven't made it for like months and like had my nice coffee and I've now drunk it as well.
Cause I was like, Oh, I'll sit down and I'll like have my coffee and then I'll like [00:05:00] record the podcast. And it's like chug the coffee still, still didn't want to record the podcast. But what's really interesting is so today's episode, I'm going to talk all about. shifting what identity and also shifting your identity and why you might want to do that and also deciding your own identity and how that's going to help you create your scary goals and move towards like who is you want to become and actually deciding that consciously.
And I used a lot of this this morning, which was, okay, ~what is the Like someone who has recorded 30 podcasts, like my future self, and I'll talk a bit about future self as well, but using it this morning, like, okay, ~my future self, who's like on her 30th podcast, she's not putting it off for an hour and five minutes.
~She's like sitting down.~ She's just doing it. ~Like.~ She's showing up, whatever it is, she's doing it and putting it out into the world. And so I was able to tap into that and then, okay, an hour later, but here I am, I'm here showing up doing the podcast. So what I want to talk about today is ~ ~what identity is.
So our identity is essentially like how we think about ourselves. It is our [00:06:00] thoughts that we have about ourselves. And when we're little, when we are, you know, a kid like my son, like, He maybe is starting to get a bit of a sense of who he is, but a lot of the thoughts that we have about ourselves we have adopted from maybe what others think about us or events that have happened and we attach meaning to them and we can turn that into an identity and then we can carry that through our life and How we think about ourselves, the identity that we have about ourselves drives how we feel about ourselves and what we're doing, and it drives our behaviors and our actions and what we're doing, what we're not doing.
And then ultimately, like, The direction that our life can be taken. So identity is really important because often we just assume that we are a certain way. We never actually question it. And I'll give you a really specific example. So ~ ~again, an ADHD thing is [00:07:00] like my whole life I have struggled with time management and getting out the door.
In a certain time, I was always the last one at the door, like as a kid, or I would have forgotten something and have to go back for it or be rushing last minute and getting things organized, getting out at a certain time, I found really, really hard. And I just thought that's always what I was. Even at uni, I would back in, like some days I'd have like multiple, I'd say yes to like three different parties or seen three different like groups of people on the same day.
They would all overlap, but yeah, I can totally just do them all and not actually logically think. It's not possible to, and I would just rush around from different things and like be fleeting conversations here and rushing off. And I remember a friend said later, like, Oh, I thought you just loved being busy.
And it wasn't until years later that I was like, I actually don't like being busy because with that busy rushing last minuteness came a lot of stress and anxiety. Like, [00:08:00] when I've left something until the last minute and then there's a deadline, and then I suddenly realize, oh wait, there's way more to do than I actually have capacity for, or oh, I forgot this thing, or to ask someone for something.
~Um, eh. ~I'm thinking with uni deadlines, even with some of my consulting work, although I was a little bit more organized when you have a team or other people depending on you. It's like managed to kind of step it up a little bit, but my default used to be just rushing around, leaving things to the last minute, being like, Oh, it'll be fine.
And then in this mad panic and this mad stress to figure things out and like get things done and they would always get done, I would always figure it out. It would always be okay. And almost that was this like proving that, Oh, well, it's fine. I can leave things the last minute. Cause it's like, well, it always kind of works out.
It wasn't until~ like,~ I realized I had this almost like background level of stress and anxiety that came with that. And I was like, I am just done with that. I actually got burned out in 2019 diagnosed with burnout and anxiety and depression, which actually now looking [00:09:00] back, often those are symptoms of burnout.
undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. So it's almost like ADHD was the root cause as it were. And then the anxiety, the depression, the burnout was the symptom of not managing that ADHD and just trying to do everything and finding it really hard and getting completely overwhelmed at like trying to almost like keep up and feeling like my feet were just Going, going, going under the water and I was like barely staying afloat and then adding on top of it, like being really like having a lot of like self judgment and like why do you find this so hard?
Why are you always last minute? Like all of that kind of story on top was just exhausting. So yeah. It was around then I was like I, I'm done with this busyness stuff. I do not want to do this anymore. Like it's exhausting. It's stressful. I'm done with everything being ~like~ just in time or ~like~ last minute and rushing or like losing everything.
~Like,~ just being like, where is that thing? And ~like~ piles of stuff. I was like, I'm done. And so I had made that decision then and I [00:10:00] hadn't fully realized that it was like, and decision about an identity, but it was I was deciding to be someone who was done with being busy. Once I realized, actually, this is a choice that I have.
I remember just being like, I am so done with this. This is not who I want to be anymore. This is not how I want to be in the world. And Intentionally, from then, it was like I started thinking, okay, I am not someone who's busy. I am someone who is calm. I am someone who's organized. I am someone who leaves plenty of time, who has lots of space.
And when I started shifting and thinking about that identity. I started making decisions like I was already that person. So it'd be like, okay, what would someone who has plenty of time, who has ~ ~energy to do things, spaciousness, who isn't busy, what would they be doing? How would they be thinking? It's like, well, they wouldn't be saying yes to all these things they'd be checking.
Do they actually have capacity to take on this thing [00:11:00] and then saying no, if not. And I started saying no a lot more.
Someone who, so, so also thinking, okay, someone who has plenty of space, who is organized, they will plan, like they're going to break down and think ahead, like, okay, what are all the things that I want to get done, putting them in an order, prioritizing, letting things go. ~Reaching out to people, giving people enough, like, heads up of that things are coming that they might, you know, when I worked in a team, like~ giving people as much notice that I needed something from them so that they could plan that in as well.
Giving them reminders, making sure everything was like coming together, like having lots of check ins, writing everything down, like all the notes from the meetings. I know you can do it with AI now and it'll But I used to write down literally everything, like all the actions, all the decisions, everything just so I knew it was in one place and I could go back to it.
It wasn't relying on like notes and notebooks notes somewhere else. It was like there was one place it always was like the team could see it. Everything was there. Everyone knew like what was happening. All of those things helped me create more space, be less busy. Be more effective actually with the time that I was spending,~ I would always then leave like, like~ at [00:12:00] uni and after, even ~like~ if I was traveling anywhere, like getting a train somewhere, I'd be like, Oh, I'll be fine.
~Like~ literally leaving it to the last minute. It's like, why would I want to get there earlier and then hang about? Whereas now I'm like, why would I want to get there just on time and be rushing? If I get there early, I can always read a book or I can have a nice coffee or do something else. I've completely shifted the way that I've thought about.
Yeah. It's like, where do I want my extra time to be? I would much rather have it at the place I'm wanting to get to that has a deadline, ~like at a certain time~ and be able to relax there than having that time in the house, I don't know, on my phone or tidying something and then having this mad rush and not sure if I was actually going to make the train or not.
So I've just shifted the way that I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking more about someone who has plenty of time and. It's focused and effective and even I was building in time within my day that I would be focused. I would like turn off my email notifications. It's like I was behaving like someone who wasn't busy, who was someone who was focused, someone [00:13:00] who was calm, who was present, who was really grounded.
~And. ~It completely shifted everything. And I just lost that identity of someone that was always ~like~ late, always last minute, always rushing. And now if I am rushing at all, it feels really weird and I'm like, Whoa, I need to ~like~ pause, slow my brain down and then go back to it. And the other place. Thanks.
But this was really interesting that we did was during my coach certification. ~So at the, like before we'd even on our first call, even before our first training call, we had like a call every week for six months. ~Even before that very first call, we were advised to show up to the calls as if we were already already a certified coach already with paying clients.
So we weren't just like coming to the calls and mine were in the evening. So I did the training with a U. S. training program and ~it wasn't like. ~You don't show up to the call ~like~ on your phone, ~like the video on your phone ~or like in your pajamas or ~like~ drive it or doing something else. It's like, no, you show up to the call with ~like~ good lighting, good sound, good internet quality.
Like you have prepared for the [00:14:00] call as if you have a paying client that is there in front of you. Like you are present, you are fully engaged, you are already being a coach. Even though at that point, like we hadn't even. Been told the first thing about coaching, right? Even before that, we were all stepping into that identity.
And I remember really owning that and going out and getting like good lighting, making sure my background was nice and calm. I didn't have like random stuff in the background, making sure I was in a separate room. It was really quiet. I invested in a really good microphone stepping into being that person.
So then, you know, by the time I actually was certified as a coach, it wasn't like, Oh no, I have to suddenly change my identity overnight, which. It doesn't really happen. It's a gradual thing of becoming it. Once I actually was a coach, it's like, Oh, well, I already feel like that because I've been practicing being that for the last six months.
It wasn't anything different. I'd already been changing my identity about myself, changing how I [00:15:00] viewed myself, changing how I felt about myself and therefore changing my behavior. showing up in a different way, ~which almost like proves~ we're like giving ourselves, giving our brain more evidence that we are already that coach.
It's like, we are deciding who we want to be and then we keep proving that to ourselves. So oftentimes when we do this work, it's like, I don't know this with like coaching, coaching all my clients, but it's like, okay, when I reach this goal or when I have this many clients or when I, Have this thing done, then I will feel confident.
Then I will feel good about myself. Then I will know that I'm good enough. Then I will be ~like~ a good enough business leader. Whatever the thing is, it's like we think about and think about what that is for you. Oftentimes we think, okay, this I'll change how I think about myself when this one thing happens that we're working towards.
Okay. So I'll give you the, like the podcast example. It could be, okay, I'll think of myself as a podcaster when I've recorded 30 episodes, then I'll be a real podcaster. It's like, no, it's the [00:16:00] other way around.~ Okay.~ Because nothing will magically change them at 30 episodes. It doesn't work that way. It's changing it as we go.
So it's like, okay, I right now I'm going to be showing up. As someone who's released 30 podcast episodes, like I'm already that person. And then I continue to show up and then by the time I get to 30 episodes it's like, okay, this is just who I am because I've been coming and being this person all the way along, all the way along.
And so think about this for your goal. So bring to mind the goal that you want to create your scary goal that you're working towards and imagine, like take yourself into the future where the goal is already doubling. You've already created it already happened and connect with that version of yourself.
Like imagine. There's you in the future like you've already, the goal is already done. How are they different than you are now? Like, what are some of the things that they are doing that's different? Like how are they showing up differently? How are they [00:17:00] behaving differently? How are they acting differently?
Are there things they are doing? Are there things they are not doing? Really thinking about that. And then how are they? Thinking and feeling that's different than you are now, how are they talking to themselves? How do they think about themselves? What do they believe about themselves? And just knowing that you get to start believing that now,~ it's the,~ it's like we think, okay, I get to believe.
So for example, for me with the podcast, okay, when I've done 30 episodes, then I'll believe I'm a podcaster. Like, no, I believe I believed from, like, even before the very first episode, I am a podcaster. Like, I believe that, like, in my bones, I was like, this is me. This is why I do. Even before I'd recorded podcast even, even on that first episode that I'm sure I'll look back and be like, wow, that was my first episode and it would be easy to be like, oh, I'm just a baby podcaster.
I'm a beginner podcaster. I don't know what I'm doing. It's like, no, that wasn't my identity. It's like, I am a podcaster. I'm a podcaster at one episode. I'm a [00:18:00] podcaster at 30 episodes and I've stepped into that identity and I am becoming it. And even it's been really fun. Like I've was uploading some of the videos to YouTube the other day and I'm going to Spotify upload videos to Spotify as well.
And even looking back at like, Just the video quality. I don't think I'd got the zoom quite right on the camera, like for the very first episode and the lighting was like a bit dark and a bit off in the back. Anyway, all of these things are just looking at even this is episode 11, like even the evolution of the video quality or maybe.
How relaxed I am about talking about whatever not feeling I have to like be a certain way I can just get on and chat like already that has shifted yes of course I'm becoming more of my 30 podcast episode self I still believe from the very beginning I was a podcaster. So thinking about you and thinking about this statement is like, I am, when we tell ourselves, I am something that is the identity that we have.
So thinking about for [00:19:00] you, like, what is that? What is that identity you want to create for yourself? And then start stepping into that and becoming that on your way to your goal. Okay. So that's how you create the goal. You don't get to believe that when the goal is already done. You have it. You change your identity.
You shift how you think about yourself. You shift how you're showing up. That is what creates the goal. I hope that was helpful. Any questions on any of this, just please fire them over. I love hearing from you guys. And again, thank you so much for, yeah, listening to me and reaching out and, and, and, uh, Chatting to me about your own scary goals, your own thoughts, your own neurodiversity.
It's just so amazing to, yeah, that was like one of the things that I just loved. The idea when I started this podcast is it wasn't just for me to be ~like shouting into this echo chamber,~ like shouting into the void of standing up here and just having like, it feels for me more like a [00:20:00] conversation, which is exactly what I wanted because I am just in my spare room with the camera and a microphone and a light, but actually having that in back and forth in that dialogue and hearing your thoughts and all of that, like having these conversations like that is what I wanted this to be.
And so the more that I can make. Content that's like useful for you and hear what it is that you want me to focus on or any of that kind of stuff. It just really means so much. So any thoughts, any questions, anything like that, please reach out. Like I love to chat to you guys and yeah, if I can help in any way, please let me know.
Okay. Have an amazing rest of the day and I'll catch you next week. Bye.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goals, making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you want to take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any [00:21:00] questions or if there's anything you're like, ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys. And I'll see you next time in the Scary Ghouls Club.
