[00:00:00]
Hi, and welcome to the Scary Goals Club podcast. I'm back. I'm back, and back, and back. Honestly. Feels so good. I [00:01:00] feel like I'm having the best time. It was so fun pressing like record, like getting on here, like pressing record and hearing the, like the Zoom lady telling me that it was recording and. I have missed being here.
I have missed hanging out with you guys and I honestly feel like over the last few weeks I can't even think when my last one was. I'm like, thinking back to that one, I was just like solo on energy. Just basically needed a bit of a break and. There's been so many times that I've just been like, oh, I really wanna get up and like share that on the podcast.
But I felt like actually I wanna have enough space that I have a bit of a plan going forward and I know what the next steps are. So I'm not just like doing a sporadic episode here and there. Like if I am doing episodes, I wanna do like a chunk of episodes. So I'm back here I am, we're into the second year of podcasting and yeah, I guess I just wanna give you guys a bit of an update.
Also, I want this episode to [00:02:00] be like one that you can listen to, listen back to or share with any friends or anyone who thinks they have ADHD maybe has like self-diagnosed themself with ADHD or has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. Or you're maybe a partner of someone with ADHD or you have a friend that's got ADHD and you're trying to like figure out ways to help this.
I'm gonna do this more, this episode's more for like. If you yourself, either if you have ADHD and you've either been diagnosed or you're still undiagnosed, doesn't really matter either way, but I've had so many people, okay, so the update, basically that's what we're getting into today, but the update is I have made the decision to refocus the business on neurodivergent coaching, so.
And I guess it's been an ev like if you've been listen to the podcast. I've, I've started talking about it a little bit more in some of the later episodes. Like I opened up a bit about it last year, but that felt really scary. And, and at that point, like I wasn't really owning it. It was still like, oh, I've been diagnosed with the h adhd, it's this, like, it For me it was this shame.
It felt like [00:03:00] this shameful thing. It was like, there's something wrong with me. And I've gone on this journey over the last years since getting burned out of like. Completely rewriting that story, being like actually ADHD. Okay. There's some bits I need to figure out and manage, like everyone for sure. And I'm not taking away from the hard parts, but like what a gift and I'll get onto that and how.
Like, I just love my creative buzzy million miles an hour brain because I know also how to like turn it down, how to focus it on what I want to do and how to feel good and just enjoy the process and not be hard and beat myself up. So I have been on this journey and I just like, I think I've been having these whispers.
You get the, like the intuition, the nudges of like me focus the on like a DH, adhd, neurodivergent coaching. And I was really resistant to it. And I think for so many reasons it felt, it was like, okay, it's gonna be scary. Maybe opening up a bit more about my A DH, ADHD and my struggles. And it was like, I am still [00:04:00] very much on this journey.
Like I don't have all the answers. I haven't like read all the books and the papers and have all these like, like I'm still figuring this out as I go. But what I do know is that over the last, well, I guess it's been like a year and a half since I was diagnosed, I have completely. Shifted how my life is, how I feel in my life, how I understand myself, how I understand how my mind works, how I know how to like get the most out of myself, even in situations that maybe feel hard or that like would be hard.
So I guess it's like I now have the tools to set myself up for success with my A DH brain, ADHD brain. And I'm like, I can totally share that and help others with that. And it's like so much of the coaching. I've been doing it already, and it's funny, like even looking back, it's like one of the, the first kind of, I guess, key thing I was coaching on was like time management because I had struggled my whole life [00:05:00] with being the last one outta the house.
Like making up one way or like getting into trouble for being late or like forgetting stuff or being like, where's the this, where's the, this? Where's my phone? Where's my, this, where's my keys? Like anything like that. Forgetting to pay bills, forgetting to, like forgetting people's birthdays for like, all of these things with like time and deadlines, like handing in consulting bids that I was leading for like millions and millions of pounds one minute before the midday deadline at 11:59 AM like, had nightmares for weeks like it.
I understand now that a lot of these. Things like with struggling with time, it's like, oh, that's because I had ADHD. Like, that's why I found it so, so hard when like other things I find really easy, but like that piece was really hard. Even though I was like very organized. It's almost like I maybe had to be like, I like being organized.
I like having plaid and knowing where things are. And so that's a lot of the work I had done with the coaching [00:06:00] and even like with the goal setting as well of like not just having all these ideas of goals and then not doing any of them, but actually focusing on a goal, working it through, like actually creating it and like creating the impact that I want to in the world.
And like doing that, it's like, oh, that's why these things were so interesting to me as like things to coach on because I'd done so much work on them and now I'm like, huh, that's because I had ADHD. That's why these things maybe felt harder. And so like that's where my growth area was. And so like with the co, it is almost like the coaching s I'm like, and now it's like neuro divergent coaching and like focusing on like a DH, adhd.
It's like actually in some ways nothing has changed. I guess the main thing that's changed is for me, it's like the decision that I'm gonna talk about it more. And also it's a decision that. It's like of who I wanna help. 'cause I know me, even when I was first diagnosed or thought I had ADHD or me who didn't even know I had it, but was like, something's different.
Like other people seem to be finding this, okay, well why am I finding [00:07:00] this so hard? Like if I had had these tools, if I had had this awareness and this understanding back then, like I know how much it would've helped me. And so it's like that's who I'm now focusing on is like. Me like all those years ago.
And you know, it's like maybe you're, I know you're not me, but like you're maybe on that journey as well and like, we're on this journey together and I just like, the piece I love about all of this is like. Figuring out, going through hardship myself, like figuring it out, processing it, drawing out the lessons, and then being able to teach that and share that to others like that is what lights me up.
That is what I love doing. And so now it's able to like be sharing these tools. And I think also realizing like one of the things I'm so passionate about is telling a positive story about Neurodivergence and about ADHD because. When I was first figuring out if I had it or not. Like, and especially when you do the assessments, it's all about like the problems, the things you struggle with and, and it's not [00:08:00] taking away from that.
Like there's a lot of stuff I have struggled with because I have had had ADHD and it's not taking away from that, but it's, it took me. A good year to be like, oh wait, what if this could actually be a positive thing? Like what if this is just who I am? And there's so many amazing things about my brain and how it works that I can do stuff that comes really easily to me that other people may find hard and like it's just like we all have strengths.
What if I just focus more on my strengths and play to those? Yes, there's are weaknesses. Yes, I can support myself and take care of myself and be kind to myself, but like what if I just focus on what I'm amazing at and what I'm good at? And like part of that's because I have this ADHD brain, and so I'm really like.
So passionate about telling a positive narrative about it. Because if you're anything like me and you're like, okay, I've got ADHD, probably all you'll be focusing on, I did this too. And her brain often looks for like the worst is like all the hard bits and how it's terrible and how like. [00:09:00] The reason you, like, I got into this bit of blaming and I was like, oh, the reason I can't do this is because of my A ADHD.
Or like, oh, I'd be here if it wasn't for my A ADHD. And like that may be true and maybe we could objectively look at it and like be like, yeah, that is true. But it felt rubbish. It was so disempowering and I was just like. It was like, oh, well that's it. Now I have this a, d, h, D. Like, it's not like it can just be fixed.
It's like, I'm stuck with this. And now there we go. Like, what's the point? Almost? And it's taken me, it's taken me a minute to like, get over that and get through that and tell a different story. And I'm just like, that's what I also wanna do is like, yes, give the tools that work with your brain and help you work in a way that works for you, but also be like, how ama, like how amazing that there are things that you can do.
I'm gonna do a whole episode of this, of like the positives of having an A ADHD brain or like the amazing things about it, like how amazing that you can come up with these creative ideas or like have all this energy to be able to go after things or inspire others or like, you know, stand up and [00:10:00] talk about stuff really passionately that you're into and like, move people and connect with people on an emotional level.
Like how amazing to have that as a gift. Like your brain helps you do that. And yes, the time management stuff like. That can all be figured out. There's tools for that. There's tools to do all of that, but it's like focusing on like what the amazing strengths are. And so that's why that is the focus that I'm taking for the business.
And so it's, it's almost like everything's changed and, and yet nothing has changed. But having that as a focus, I'm like, oh, everything now makes sense. Like everything makes sense. I was wondering, it was like. I know this is where I'm going. I just couldn't figure out, there's like all these threads and it was like how do they all pull together and what is it?
And it's like, oh, neurodivergence is the bit that pulls them all together. And like the nature connection and like why I feel so ease in nature and why it's like helps me so much. It's like, oh, because our neurodivergent brains, like evolutionary wise. [00:11:00] We were designed as like there's a theory of like we were hunters and gatherers and so it's like we feel at ease outside because it's like that distractibility picks up on like animal movements and like small things and it's like noises and subtle like shifts and changes in things.
Amazing. When you're outside and you can pick up on loads of different things. That's what our brains were designed for and like have evolved to do. And then it's like we're inside with things pinging and notifications and everything and there's like different sounds and different things around. It's like no wonder that's why we get distracted because our brains are designed to be distractible.
Because as the theory goes, like we were the hunters of the tribe and helped actually pick up with like subtle animal movements and be able to like track animals as well or like. Find where the good berries were and forage for those, or pick up on just like subtle shifts and subtle things. So it's like even just that knowing that like what our brains were designed for, they're still [00:12:00] amazing at, which is why, I dunno about you, but I feel so at ease and just like, oh, when I'm outside in nature.
And the modern world as we have it like isn't designed for our brains. I know everyone gets distracted and can get distracted unless we set the boundaries and we're really, you know, ruthless with turning off notifications and our time, but especially us with our distractibility brains. So even there's a part by that.
I'm totally off a tangent, I'm gonna bring it back. But I just wanted to say, and then I had the pause in the podcast and there's been a few times I'm like, oh, I just wanna talk about this thing. And then last night I was doing like a meditation before. Before bed and just like checking in with my intuition.
It was like, oh, it is time to redo the podcast. There was like a few things that had been like, okay, it's like it's time to restart it. And I've been thinking, I was like, am I renaming it? I was coming up with these things. It's like, is it like an ADHD podcast? And I was like, right now I don't think it is because.
Like, again, what I am passionate about, it's not just like speaking [00:13:00] about ADHD and like, here's how to manage your A ADHD. Like, that's not, that's not my jam. That's not what I'm about. It's like stepping into the most authentic, vibrant, like most amazing version of yourself and setting these big, scary goals of like how you wanna impact the world and how you wanna change things, and like who you wanna be, who you're being in the world.
Making an impact. Creating change, like influencing people, helping people, working on climate, working on sustainability, like all of that, and building a life that lights you up that you're like, yes, I know that I am just like working with my magic, with my genius and just in a place that feels like. This is, I know that this is where I, I need, I need to be and where I want to be.
And that is what lights me up is like creating this big, amazing, vibrant life and these big scary goals or part of that, of like stretching our brain to be like, what if it is actually possible? What if I could actually do this? What if I could change this? What if I could focus on this? [00:14:00] And. So the Scary Goals Club, it's like, I don't need to change the podcast.
So I just needed a pause to realize, no, this is the direction that I wanna be going for now things can change and I hope, like, actually, with all of this, I hope you can take away one lesson of seeing me do this. It's like, it's okay to pause, it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to make decisions. It's okay to take space to figure out the next step.
If you're not sure what it is, to just pause and let the, like the signs come and. It's okay to change your mind and go after something, and if it stops working or you wanna change it, it's okay to also change it. So. Basically go try things. Go have fun as long as you're having fun and it feels playful, like you're on the right track.
So the podcast feels playful. It's the scary golf club. We're back. I'm back. It's gonna have more of an ADHD neurodivergent slant to it. I'm just gonna be talking more about the tools and the things I'm talking about. I'm gonna be linking it back to creative, buzzy, high energy brains, and [00:15:00] that's what we're gonna dive into.
So. If you're not that and it, the tools still resonate with you, like listen to it. And if you are that, then stick around because that's what we're diving into. So any questions on any of this? Obviously just fire over, but today I, yeah, so I wanted to almost do like a, like a podcast of like, and maybe if you're listening to this a few times, you can skip the intro, but like.
Almost like if you, yeah. If you have just found out or you think you have a ADHD and you're like figuring out the next steps. Like, I've had so many people that are like, what has helped you? That's what they've kind of asked is like, how do you seem to be doing okay? Or how are you thriving? What has helped you?
Like, where do I go? Where do I even start with this? And so I, I, I guess I wanted this episode to be like a little bit of that. Um, I would've the window open, but I. It's the time of year. It's like spring and everyone seems to be streaming [00:16:00] like mowing lawns, even though it's like a Thursday. Um, maybe I'm gonna open it again.
Hang on. Oh no. Can you hear it? You can't see me. I dunno if you can hear it. The mic's pretty good at like canceling background noise. I'm gonna shut it. I dunno what it is. Anyway, maybe I'll open the door. Yeah, a bit. Okay. I can still hear either be a window open anyway, right back to the podcast. So I guess, so firstly, if you are thinking you have ADHD, or you're getting diagnosed, or you've been recently diagnosed, the first, I guess the first thing is like giving yourself space and being really kind to yourself because.
Going through the process of like Googling, finding articles online, doing assessments, filling out forums. A lot of it again, is [00:17:00] focusing on like all the struggles. And I think I remember for me, like filling out the forms and like then Luke had to fill out forums and my mom had to fill out forums and it was like, because of going back to like different things in childhood, and I think it was realizing for me at that point, like just how much I was struggling and just how much if Luke wasn't helping out with like.
Some of the basic stuff around the house. I, I don't know even where I would be like he'd, when I first thought I had it like a couple years ago. He actually ended up then restarting working at home so he could like just help with the basic stuff of like hanging up the washing or like putting on a load of washing, like tidying up like stuff after lunch, helping me get out of the house with like Flynn in the morning so that we could go and do something or see people or like actually get outside.
He'd like take the dog out for a walk like a dog, Mapple, she says her name and I think, I don't think I really gave myself enough space to. Just be with it and just to process it and [00:18:00] like being kind to myself and even if you need to like sleep more, even if you need to like take a few more walks, journal, like all of that stuff to just help you like make sense.
'cause I think sometimes it's like we know that we're struggling with something and then when you're filling it out on a form or you're like having it written down, it's like, oh. I think it's almost like, and especially having other people giving assessments, it was almost like the scale of. How hard, like how much I was actually struggling and how much, I think I'd been pretending that, oh, it's fine.
And actually it wasn't. I think that that was like a bit of a realization. So just knowing that like when there is the bit of the awareness, there's yes, there's the relief of like, I'm not a bad, well, for me it was like I'm not a bad person, I'm not broken, there's not something wrong with me. Like this is something that my brain just works differently.
Okay. It like all of these different things like make sense. But then the flip side is like, oh, okay. Huh. And just knowing that like however [00:19:00] hard things are right now, because like I'd had a HME my whole life, and yet there were only like a few key moments when I'd thought about doing something about it.
And if, you know, it's like if you're going to get an assessment and you're pushing for it and you're willing to like. Or like reading about it, it's probably because you're struggling with stuff and so I just wanna send you like a massive hug because if you weren't struggling or you were like, ah, it's fine, you'd probably just, I dunno.
Maybe be like ignoring it or be like, okay, I'll manage it. Like it would be okay here. And then it's when it goes down that you're kind of like, oh, actually I need to do something about it. And so it's just, yeah, giving yourself space and just knowing that like however hard and however, like much you feel like you're struggling right now.
I promise it's going to get better. Okay. Just like the awareness, the like realization, but like the doing something about it, like whether you're listening to this podcast or you're speaking to someone, or you've started figuring out about a diagnosis or you're [00:20:00] Googling it, like you are, you are figuring something out.
Like that takes courage, that takes bravery and that is the first step in actually changing it and like. That awareness can then help you be like, okay, these are the elements that I wanna change. Like this is how I wanna change things. So while you're going through all of that, I just wanna send you a big hug and just know that it is finite in terms of how you're feeling right now and in terms of this may be this low period that you feel and just know that it's gonna get better.
Like I promise. Once you get an understanding of your brain, and I just wanna also flag like I'm not on medication. I really pushed for diagnosis 'cause I wanted medication. I couldn't take it because I was still breastfeeding and. I, I'm still not on medication. I think at some point I will be like, I want to try it, but like for now I'm not.
So I can't remember why I just had that tangent. But I just wanted to say like, if you are, I'm sorry, I'm getting so distracted with this. Whatever is stream, I'll shut the door as [00:21:00] well. Um, yeah, I just wanna say that like. Whether there's tools, whether it's medication that you get. I'm not on it so I can't comment on that, but like whether it's medication, whether there's other tools like mindset tools, emotional regulation tools.
I'm gonna talk through like a bunch of stuff here. I mean with everything you could go into like so much, I could go into so much detail. I'm doing a whole pod, like this podcast is all about all of these different things. But I'm gonna just give a bit of a summary of things that have like just off the top of my head, have like really, really helped me that that.
If you're looking for places to start could help you as well. So giving yourself lot of space, I think is the key one around about getting the diagnosis and when you're figuring it out. I think the other piece is certainly for me. Okay, well two things. So the fir, like with all of this, one of the most important things that you could do, this is my personal opinion that I have found really helpful is.
Bringing in [00:22:00] tools to regulate your emotions. Okay, so regulate your emotions basically means like oftentimes we can get dysregulated having ADHD being neuro divergent, meaning we can go from feeling like calm and like rest and digest, and that's good to quite quickly. Getting really frustrated, really angry, really, whatever, like quite an extreme.
And that's what I never really understood. I was like, okay, my mood went up and down. I could get some lows, but generally I was pretty optimistic and I would have be having these like intense spikes of anger or intense spikes of like frustration. I was like, this is so, like, it just felt so out of character with like the rest of my, like how I was, um, which was one of the things that's like with ADHD and.
So one of the key things that I have found really helpful is like breathing techniques. So, I mean, there's so many bits, but like there's things you can do to boost your, like wellbeing and your nervous system, which your brain body connection and your like emotional state, like having good sleep, [00:23:00] um, getting out for walks and exercise, like doing yoga or stretching, like any of those things can really help, like boost your mood in general.
Dancing, like all of that stuff. So it's like, how can you like lift your emotional state and then when there are, it's like, I can give you some examples now, but you can Google them as well. Different breathing exercises. You can do like what's called a physiological size. You can take like.
So you take like two breath, yeah, breath in, top it up, and then breathe it all out. Or you can do box breathing where you imagine you're like tracing around a box. So it's like you inhale for like four or five, hold for four or five, exhale for four or five, hold for four or five, and you go round. Imagine tracing around like a window or a box, or you can breathe in for four hold and then out for seven.
All of these things. You can take in like if you feel that your emotional state is like ramping up a bit, like you feel you're getting dysregulated, you feel a really intense feeling is taking a pause and actually [00:24:00] going through and doing those breathing exercises and it will just calm your brain down, calm your nervous system down, help you think more clearly and help you get back into more regulated state.
Because what can happen is like when we are. Frustrated or angry and we're in that strict, in that state, we then can act and react from that place, which isn't how we wanna actually behave. It's not how we wanna be showing up. And then we will like rush something or do something or say something in a certain way and we're like, this isn't, this isn't how I want to be.
And then it's like con, continue on into our day. And also the more stressed and like the more time we spend in a stressed state, we're not tapping into our creativity. We're not in flow. Everything just feels hard and heavy. And that's when it can just like, it can feel like it's really heavy and hard, so just practicing.
And the key thing with breathing exercises is practicing them before you actually need them. So practice building in breathing exercises. Do it like when you're in the shower, when you're brushing your teeth, or like at different times during the day. I quite like the physiological side, the like inhale, top it up, and then long exhale.[00:25:00]
And do it three times, for example. And so I will practice that and I can feel if my heart rate's like going up a bit or I can feel I'm getting frustrated or angry about something, I will do that and I will bring my body back down. And the other piece that can help as well as the, like the longer term piece is, as well as the sleep and the exercise and the like.
Eating well, drinking water is meditation as well. So practicing. Like envi, like being calm and still in your mind, noticing your thoughts. Just letting them be there, noticing any emotions, just letting them be there. So that's like, you'll notice with meditation you'll notice changes like straight away, but the more that you do it, it just, it just seeps into like your everyday life.
You're just, things will happen and you won't react as much. So meditation huge as more like a. A preventative ongoing thing. And then in the moment, like the breathing, again, practicing it like any of these tools you wanna practice before you actually need them. But like [00:26:00] practicing before and then anytime you feel like a big feeling coming up that feels really intense, then you can do the breathing and like bring yourself back down and you can kinda shake yourself out or you can like hang over it, like anything's like that to bring your, your nervous system back down and your emotional state back down.
That would be like. Some of the key things that I think early on that I started doing and that really, really helped. Um, I'm trying to think. And again, like when you can bring in a little bit more like ease and clarity into your mind, it's so much easier to think more clearly. It's so much easier to be focused.
It's so much easier to like. Like, you're not rushing or like forgetting things or knocking things over. This is me. Or like leaving cupboard doors open. Like when I'm really present, I'm like closing cupboard doors. I'm putting stuff away when I'm feeling really calm. If I, I, I notice as soon as I'm starting to leave cupboard doors open and I'm leaving a trail of stuff around the house, I'm like, ha, I am, I'm not present.
Like I'm scattered and distracted and [00:27:00] that's a chance for me to like, slow it down, do some breathing. Recenter myself and then like be a bit more present and my, basically, it's like mindful, it's like being present in the present moment, not letting your brain like jump and jump and jump. And just because your brain jumps around doesn't mean you cannot train it to actually be still.
And it is a practice. It's like all of these things and like we have this amazing thing with our brains, all brains called neuroplasticity, that we can rewire our brains. They used to think like neuroscientists used to think that brain, like, you know, we had a certain amount of like intelligence or knowledge or exper like our brains were as they were.
And then they've got fixed and then we were adults and that was just it. And actually more recent neuroscience is like, no, we can rewire it based on. Telling ourselves a new thought, feeling a different way, acting a different way. We can actually change our behaviors, change our thought patterns, change what is maybe default, like we can do that and we are our brain.
And that's where coaching is amazing and like mindset and emotional regulation. Coaching is [00:28:00] like understanding what these thought patterns are, understanding what some of these defaults are and actually changing that and rewiring and having different habits and doing different things and like being a different person showing up in a different way.
And so. With any of these, like coaching is so powerful as well. So there's the bits that you can do in terms of like regulating your emotions on the day to day, but anything that you can do around understanding on a deeper level, and again, this podcast is helpful for that. Or obviously if you wanna do one-on-one coaching, come join me.
And I'm thinking of doing at some point some kind of ADHD. Group something. I dunno what it is. I've got an in-person event coming up next Friday, which is really fun. And I'll be doing some of this coaching and some of this teaching around it. Um, but I'm thinking, I dunno, there's gonna be maybe some online version.
I dunno exactly what it is I'm still figuring out. But if you do, like, if you're listening to this and you're like, I wanna understand coaching, I wanna understand how my brain works, learn [00:29:00] tools to actually rewire my brain, learn tools to shift my nervous system so that I can understand my brain. Figure it out, work in a different way, like go after scary goals, step into who I wanna be.
Like that's what we do with coaching. So if you're like, Ooh, this sounds amazing, I wanna do this. Do you want me a message? And come and coach with me one-on-one over six months, it's gonna be amazing. Anyway, so coaching obviously is amazing. It is like completely changed my life and the life of so many of my clients.
And that is about like having someone, there's a certain amount of coaching we can do ourselves, but like I get coached. I have a therapist. It's like, we can do this work on ourselves for sure. But having someone to point out like blind spots or thought patterns that we're like, oh, I didn't realize that was a thought.
Or like, oh, I didn't realize I was doing that or why I was doing that. Like oftentimes we cannot see things in ourselves. Sometimes we can, and there's a certain amount we can do with like self coaching, but there's a certain amount that having someone like reflect [00:30:00] that back to us is so powerful. So if you feel called to do that, I highly suggest like.
Find a coach, any coach, get some coaching. It's amazing. Also therapy as well. That was something I just did through this winter and again, it was kind of like a preventative thing to prevent burnout, but like that really helped me kind of like really helped me retell the story of the ADHD as well and decide how I wanted to be and.
How I wanted to show up. So ther like coaching, therapy, any of that kinda stuff. So, so powerful and highly recommend any of that. Um, so I've got a list here. Let's see. With, yeah, I think with, with all of these things, like as you're going through, figuring out your diagnosis or maybe you've just got it, is being kind to yourself honestly, like that is one of the most.
Like fundamental things that you can do [00:31:00] because it's hard like it is. Here's my opinion. It's hard enough in the world. Like we make mistakes, we look at things we've done in the past. Certainly me, there's lots of things I'm not proud of. There's lots of like, I. Things that I can now attribute to ADHD.
I'm like, oh, interesting. That's likely why, because I was like seeking dopamine and like doing these crazy things and maybe I'll get into them at some point, but no, not for this episode. And it's like I can look back and be like, okay, I'm not proud of that. I can see, like, I can understand more why I like just went towards some of these things that were maybe dangerous or not, not that like, yeah, that I'm not maybe proud of.
But like it's hard enough being a human in the world and like we can be our biggest cheerleader. And it's hard if you've not done it. Oftentimes the narrative that we tell ourselves, like we pick up from when we're kids and we start like internalizing these beliefs about [00:32:00] ourselves, and then we say them to ourselves and we say them out loud to ourselves and we just reinforce this and like breaking that habit and actually being kind to yourself is such a gift because especially as you're navigating.
Figuring this out and like stuff that you're finding hard, like the kinder that you can be to yourself, the easier it's gonna be and the easier it's gonna be to keep showing up, the easier it's gonna be to like, put yourself out there to ask for help, to change, to do things differently, to like see yourself in a different light.
If you wanna change the story about how you think about ADHD and how you think about your brain, and I highly recommend you do because it feels way better and way easier if you actually like, enjoy being you and how your brain works and all of that. Like that has been a journey for sure. I've just been on like, and I'm still on for sure, but like, just it like being kind to yourself and if you catch like.
One of the easiest things you can do with that is like, if you catch yourself starting to say something out loud that's unkind, like, oh, that was stupid, or that was a, like, any of [00:33:00] that, just like stop. Just be like, no, we're not doing that anymore. Be like, no, thank you. We're not doing that anymore. And then you're starting to, to cut.
You sing out loud and then you'll notice the thoughts will come. And again, you can be like, no, thank you. Like we're not doing this right now. And you can just stop it. You can just, it's like it becomes habitual. It's this habit that we just get into and then you can just be like, actually no thank you.
We're not doing this. And like having, my son has been like, I thought I was, had like learned to be kind to myself, but like having my son. Realize, like has made me realize there are still some areas that I'm not, and sometimes I'll say things out out loud and he'll pick up on them and reflect them back to me.
I'm like, oh, like this is so bad. So, so I really, I can struggle if I don't plan in advance and I don't make a bit of a plan and pack bags and I, before I can struggle to get out the house and I obviously say like, oh my God, I just need to get out of the house, out of this house, or something like that.
The other day was [00:34:00] like. Oh my God, I just need to get outta his house. It's like, oh goodness. And it's like, maybe I was aware at the time of me saying it, but it quickly like goes, and I'm just, you know, it's like I'm feeding that narrative that it's hard to get outta the house and like, oh, oh, like all of that.
And he's picking up on it and he, he's like saying it back to me. Kids are such mirrors. It is crazy. And so. That has shown shone a spotlight that like there's so many times I'm really kind to myself and there's so many times, like I obviously in bits that I'm still struggling, that I can still struggle with that I'm not kind to myself and I'm sh and I'm like shaming myself for not being able to get out of the house and like, ugh.
And it's just not that much fun. So I just wanna offer, the more kind you can be, the easier it is. And. If you have kids, maybe they, they will be reflecting it back to you. Right? What else? Um, so I've already said, yeah, morning walks, exercise, any kind of exercise, like strength [00:35:00] stuff, like moving your body anytime you feel a bit like is a sign to just get outside and move your body or like put on tunes and have a dance.
Anything like that, like moving your body, like literally. It just makes such a difference to everything else and to sleeping well as well. Like it, it impacts so many areas of her life. So highly recommend just like getting outside, going for walks, having like having a dance, lifting weights, like any of that.
Like get your body moving, like that really, really helps. Um, yeah, using another thing, like again, if you're just starting on this journey and figuring things out, like one thing I found really helpful is using my calendar for planning. So I have like. I don's in my phone that I will capture any like ideas or things and then I'll have a look at that and post stuff on the calendar.
And so it's almost like I know that if it's in the calendar, that's like my go-to and I'll like kind of roughly plan out some, some stuff. And planning, like any planning that you can do the [00:36:00] night before, any time that you can also just like reflect and refine. So like for example. For example, my days with Flynn.
'cause those sometimes can feel a bit harder. It's like with the work sense, I can actually be quite organized. Like I have a bit more of a handle on it. But sometimes like it's my days with Flynn where things will change and I'll have a plan and it'll all change. Or like, we'll suddenly be doing this and this and that.
I can find a bit harder is like when the plans change is like readjusting and being like, okay, now this is what we're doing and like gearing up for all that. And so I have found that like. Like at the end of the day, I will reflect back and be like, okay, what worked really well and what am I gonna change?
Like what was missing? And sometimes it'll be like, oh, I, you know, like recently I'd planned a morning thing and an afternoon thing. And actually at the end of the day I felt a little bit like disconnected from it. It was almost like I was seeing other people. So I was kind of chatting to them and with him and it was like this was my day with him and I felt a bit disconnected [00:37:00] and.
I was like, oh, maybe planning one thing with other people and then just time with me and him, like that's what I actually needed. And he was actually reflecting at the end of the day, like we talked through the hard bits and he was like, yeah, I wanted more mommy time. And it was like just having that just be, and again, if you can be kind to yourself, you're not gonna shame yourself for changing, like if something needs to change.
But like building in a reflection like process into your days is so helpful. So it's like, okay, I'm gonna try out this thing. And then reflecting, being like, okay, what worked or didn't. So for example, sometimes I'll like, we'll go off and we'll hang on, I'm just gonna check my mic. We'll go off and and do something.
And then I'll have been spending the morning packing bags and doing that and trying to make lunch. And my reflection would be like, if I just did that the night before, I can just chill in the morning, have a really chilled morning, and then we can like go out and do something fun. So that's just an example of like building in a bit of planning, like a bit of forward thinking of like, what is it I want from the day?
What would be like an amazing day? Then [00:38:00] also building in some reflection of like, okay, what am I gonna now do differently next time? You can do this with work stuff. You can do this with anything. So it's like the planning is like the thinking ahead. Like how can I set myself up for success? How can I make this really easy, really chilled, really fun?
What can I do now? And then afterwards being like, okay, what worked, what didn't? Oftentimes I used to do this, maybe I'd plan or I'd do the thing. I wouldn't reflect after, so then I'd be onto the next thing. Or I'd be like doing the same, not mistakes, but like I. Doing the same thing. Be like, oh yeah, that thing happened again.
And it's because I hadn't reflected and been like, huh, what am I gonna change? What's gonna, what am I gonna do differently? So if you can be kind to yourself, it's so much easier to reflect and be like, okay, what am I gonna adjust for next time? What am I gonna try? So I, I highly recommend like having stuff on your calendar so you know where things are.
It's in one place, doing like some kind of loose planning, whatever feels good for you ahead of time. Just thinking even to the next day, just thinking ahead, being like. Okay, how can I set myself up for success? Like what could be really helpful? And then at the end of the day, just being like, [00:39:00] what worked, what didn't?
What am I changing? That has been so, so helpful in like, and I, I did this a lot in business before, but like I wasn't doing it in my personal life and it's just helped me be so much more intentional and be like, okay, I just need to sometimes. Have things a bit organized before, 'cause mornings can feel a bit like, ah, if I'm not managing my brain, and like, I want our mornings to be really chilled, really easy.
And so it's like making my breakfast the night before, packing bags, the night before, like any of that stuff just to help make it easier. So it's, again, thinking about that for you, like planning, doing the thing and then reflecting on it has been so helpful.
yeah, I guess the other piece, just like if you're going through the, the key piece with all, well, one of the key pieces that I've been working on for sure over the last like year and a bit. It's like, what is the story you want to tell about it?
And that might be grabbing a journal and being like, okay, what is it I'm thinking about my ADHD now? Or what do I think about it? And like, what do I wanna think about it? And even if you can Google [00:40:00] positive traits of ADHD or like find people on social media to follow that are like talking about ADHD and it's all, and it's like the positive stuff and it's not.
This isn't about like gaslighting the harder stuff, like for sure it's about like supporting yourself, being kind to yourself and like getting support for all of that. And it's not, and I will still talk about those things a hundred percent, but it, and it's not diminishing that, but it's like, yes, there are those things and they can be figured out.
And what are these amazing gifts that you have because you have ADHD. Like what are some things that you're amazing at? Like what could that be?
And, and really just like if you're really struggling, find some inspiration from someone else and write 'em down. But just make a list and like have it somewhere that you can look at and keep coming back to it. And it's like the more that you can feed your brain with the positives and how it's amazing and like how like.
It's a gift and how it's for you and how you are changing things and you're stepping up and you're seeing things differently and like you're creative and you're coming up with ideas and like. All of that, like [00:41:00] focusing on that, like of course your brain's gonna go the hard stuff. Of course it's gonna be hard stuff, and like that can be figured out, but like redirecting your brain onto like, no, this is who I am and it's amazing and it's, I'm buzzy and creative and I can like, inspire people and come up with all these ideas.
I will do a whole episode on it. So that would be like, I wish I had really done that work sooner.It was almost like, I didn't think there was another way of thinking about ADHD. Everything I had read, all of the assessments, everything had been, it was like, it felt really negative.
It was actually my first, so I had a private assessment, but it was my first meeting appointment with them. NHS psychiatrist,
I remember like going in and again, filling out all these forms. I had to do it online for the private one, again, get my mom and Luke as well.
And then I had to do all the ones for NHS, the like paper version and like send them all back. And I had to get my mom and Luke to do them as well. So I had to do all of the forms or different forms twice. And then I, this was the meeting with the NHS psychiatrist and it was interesting she [00:42:00] said. What was it?
I was talking about medication and I can't remember her exact words.
I was, I can't remember what I was talking about, chatting and going off on tangents and da da da, having this and that or something that I was explaining.
And then she was like. Do you want to change that or it was like, do you wanna, I can't remember what it was. It was like, do you wanna change that about yourself? And I like, genuinely didn't think, I was like, well, well, initially I'd gone in being like, yes, because like a ADHD is this bad thing and like used to always get in trouble for like interrupting people and talking over and like talking lots and not, you know, got separated at school for chatting and like all of these things, it's like, of course I wanna be changing this.
Of course I don't wanna like. Be this like blah, blah blah, and it was like, wait, actually, what if that is like kind of who I am? And yes, there's ways I can manage it. Like be quiet when people are talking and give them a turn to finish, even though I'm desperate to jump in with something to add. [00:43:00] Like what if there's bits I can like tone it down a bit?
And it's not that I'm not saying to have medication like I do want once. Breastfeeding and babies and all that are out of the way. Like I a hundred percent know that I wanna be having medication and like having it in different, I dunno, figuring it out in a way that's gonna work for me, but also knowing that it's like, huh, what if these bits about myself that I was kind of like.
I don't know that I was like, oh, I guess it's like, oh, it's quote unquote too much. Or, you know, had Got into trouble for before, or was like, oh, this is what if It was like, no, this is actually who I am. And for some people they might not like that and that's okay. And some people I.
Love that. Like I remember even Luke, he was like, he was a bit scared of like me talking about the medication route. 'cause he was like, I don't want you to take the medication and like change yourself. I don't want you to just like be this focused robot. Like get all these things done. And it's like, I, I understand that fear as well.
[00:44:00] And, but sometimes I would quite like to be a focused robot and get some mixed on maybe. So we'll see. So anyway, the medication thing. I am gonna explore. But this psychiatrist saying, that was the first time I was like, huh, maybe actually, maybe I do love these things about myself. Or maybe I can learn to love them and be like, this is actually just who I am.
And maybe it's like learn to love them and owning them and being like, this is who I am. And I think it was like after that, or maybe I'd talked about the a ADHD on the podcast and it was like. I am just gonna go off in tangents and I am gonna gesture my hands widely, wildly. And I am probably gonna say like, I would like the first few podcasts.
I'd be editing all that out. Be like, okay, I need to like, I dunno, quote unquote, be professional. It's like, no, this is who I am. I flail my arms around gesture wildly. I go off on tangents and. If you don't like that, you can tune away now because it is your life. You don't have to listen to this. But I guess it was like the first time that I was like, huh, maybe.
Maybe this is just who I am and actually I wanna own that. And [00:45:00] that really started me on the journey of being like, okay, yeah, there's the bits that are hard and I struggle with, but everyone struggles with different things and everyone has some kinda struggle and it's like those I can figure out. And I can also own all the bits that like I love about myself that make me who I am.
And that's the journey I've been on. And so, again, for you, like if you're starting this or you're just getting diagnosed or going through like, you're probably feeling a bit like, ugh, if you're anything like me with like all the things you know, what's the scale of one to five of how often you do these things or like how much of a problem is, or whatever.
So it's like. If you're in that place, also just like grab your notebook and be like, okay, what do I love about myself? What are all my like quirks and like fun bits and silly bits and like what could I love? And again, get inspiration from online as well if that's helpful. But like, and from this podcast, 'cause I'm wanting to tell a positive narrative around it as well.
Like, you are you and there's like, you are a gift to this world. You are a gift to like those around you that you light [00:46:00] up and like the way that your brain works. Is unique. Like you are the only brain that you have that's like yours, that has your life experience, that has your understanding, that has your ability to like draw connections between things and like see things and figure out new ways.
And maybe in the past you've got into trouble or been told off or told that you should turn some things down or do some things, whatever. But it's like actually if you can lean into like this is who you are and focus on those strengths and just be like. How amazing that like you see the world a certain way.
No one else sees the world that way. That is a gift. That is a gift. And just focusing more on that. So again, it's not taking away from all the bits that are hard, but it's like what is amazing and lovable about your brain and about yourself for like exactly who you are right now? How can you like lean into those bits more, be a bit more of that, like be a bit more whatever I am, kind of just like.
I guess once I started owning it, I was like, [00:47:00] because when I first was diagnosed and like going through or going through the process, I was so aware of every time I like, you know, look and I'd be trying to have a conversation and I'd like get up and be through to the kitchen, getting a drink or through to something else, or I'd be up and about.
And like I'm mindful of it and I used to be like, oh God, this freaking a DH, D look, here I am. Like up and again, like distracted again. And I was like, almost like every time I'd notice something I would like be overthinking, shaming it. And now I'm just like, this is who I am and it's all good. And I can be mindful and I can manage it, and I can figure things out.
And I can also just like let myself be a bit silly and a bit buzzy and a bit me, and that's okay. And it's who I am. And it takes so much like less energy and less thought. To be this way. So anyway, that's what I have for you now. So that was a bit of a long one and hopefully it was actually helpful. It was maybe a bit less structured than I thought.
But I'm gonna do one on, so I'm also gonna do one on like what I think some of the benefits of ADHD are and I'm also gonna do a podcast [00:48:00] on, 'cause one of the key parts that I'm. Gonna focus the business on is like, yes, supporting individuals with ADHD and helping them like own their ADHD and like understand their brain and like get a handle on the time management and the goal setting, but like create these big epic scary goals and like create a life where they just feel like they're thriving and like working in a way that feels amazing and flowy and fun.
That's part of it. The other part of it is helping and supporting businesses who have a neurodiverse team and have neuro divergent individuals working there and help them. Create the conditions and the environment to help these people thrive. So that's a key part of what I'm doing because I know, like I started work at 16 and I.
I was diagnosed at 37, so that's 21 years of my life that I was working in. Startups, multinationals, in loads of different like part-time jobs, like all of these different things for different businesses, different organizations. I didn't know I was neurodivergent. I didn't know I had ADHD, and there were so many things.
Looking back now I'm like, that was amazing. So many [00:49:00] things that organizations did that was amazing. That supported me. They didn't know. I didn't know, but like it really worked. And there were other things that were really hard and I didn't understand why they were so hard. And now I do. And so a key part is like, because it's like once organizations can like set up a lot of these ways of working and ways of being, like getting the most out of all individuals in the organization, it's not just neuro divergent individuals that have like creative brains that maybe work in a different way, but it's like actually out of all individuals.
And I think like. That. Yeah, that's the other key piece that I'm gonna be focusing on. So I'm also gonna do some podcasts around like, okay, here are ways that businesses can support their employees as well. Anyway, we're gonna get on to all of that. So, and lots of scary goal stuff too. That will all be incoming anyway, I am going to end it there.
And oh, I also just wanna show you, I can't remember if I showed this on the podcast. I've done a bit of rearranging the background. If you're not watching on video, I will explain, but. [00:50:00] I have these like shelves behind and I'm one of them. This is like my favorite, one of my favorite quotes is so good and it's just such a reminder.
It's, it's an Einstein quote, and it's creativity is intelligence, having fun. It's so good and it's normally over here, but you can't really see it. And I was like, I'm gonna put it behind. And I've got some nice stones too. I just love it because it's like a reminder that when I am at my most creative, when everything feels like it's easiest, when everything feels like it's flowing, is when I'm having fun and it's a reminder for me to, like, it can be easy for me to like get into to-dos and getting things done and like da.
And it's like, no, the fun element of it like that is what makes everything easy. It's what makes life just like so much more enjoyable and just feel amazing. And I think also as a D ADHDers, it's like we are playful, we're fun, we're silly, we're like, or as like neurodivergent folks as well. Like we're playful and creative and fun and silly.
And it's like. Bringing in the play, bringing in the fun, [00:51:00] bringing in, like, you know, creativity is intelligence, having fun. It's like the more that we can play, the more that we can have fun, the more ideas and innovations we're gonna come up with. And like, that's how we're gonna be changing the world in a bigger level, rather than the like, oh, get this thing done.
Which is why I used to be in that place. And then it feels heavy and forced and then it's tiring and then I get burnt out and it's not much fun. So it's like that's a reminder for me to play and I just wanna pass it on. It's a reminder. Like how can you play today? And again, especially if you're going through the diagnosis process and like all of that, or you've just figured out, like bring in play, bring in novelty, bring in fun, bring in adventure, bring in all of these things that like light you up and like lift you and make you feel alive and energized.
Because not only is life more fun, but like that's when you're gonna be at your best. That's when you're gonna be like at your most like sparkliest self and just like. Leaning into that a little bit more. Anyway, I'm sending you so much love. Thank you for listening.
it's so good to be back on the mic. [00:52:00] And yeah, if you've got any questions or comments or anything, please, please, please send them over and if there's any specific episodes you want, I will do those. Okay. Sending so much love. Bye.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goal making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you wanna take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note, and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, Ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys, and I'll see you next time in the Scary Goals Club.
