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Hi, welcome to the Scary Goals Club podcast. I am your host, Hazel Robertson, and I've got my little piece of rose quartz in my hand. If you're [00:01:00] watching this on video, which is so nice to use as a little like fidget piece, fidget toy. And anyway, so if you've seen me fidgeting with it, you might have seen it in the past few videos.
So today I wanted to dive into. Something that I have done a lot of work on and that has come up for so, so many of my clients. And so if you're listening to this podcast and you're loving this work, then it's probably going on for you in some form or some version of it. And it is the belief that in some way that you are behind.
Okay, so. Maybe you don't even realize that you have this as a belief. Or maybe you do realize and you're like, yeah, but I am behind. Like I didn't get these things done. Or I had my scary goal for this deadline and I didn't meet it. Or I had like working to towards my scary goal and I didn't do these things, [00:02:00] so therefore I am behind.
We have this idea of like where we're gonna be, what like timeframe that things are gonna happen, and then when it doesn't happen in that timeframe or we don't get the things done, or we haven't done the piece of work.
By the time someone has asked for it or that we thought we would, or that's been on our calendar, we, our brain like attaches this weight to it and turns it into a story that somehow we are behind. Okay? So maybe you don't even know that that's the story, and maybe it just comes up where you look at like a deadline.
You realize you either haven't met it or the deadline has pushed out or something has changed and you maybe feel a little bit of panic. Or a bit of like, and you maybe, or maybe you don't even notice the panic coming up. So it depends where you're at. Like some people, some of us can notice feelings and tune in with it.
Before I did any of this work and understanding my feelings, that was like 2019. I just knew I was a bit like blah or like just didn't feel [00:03:00] good or felt okay or felt like a bit like I wasn't tuned into how I was feeling. I a hundred percent was not tuned into how I was thinking and what I was thinking.
I didn't even realize like. What a thought was that it was optional, that my brain was just offering me these every single day, thousands of them, and that I could either believe them and get caught up in them, or I could drop back from them and decide instead what I wanted to believe. Like I didn't know any of this.
And so maybe this is you, maybe you're on your journey where you're just understanding like. Oh, my brain offers me thoughts. I don't have to choose them. I don't have to believe it. Like this is a story and I can change it and I can rewrite it. 'cause our brain has this amazing thing called neuroplasticity, like we can change and rewire our brain based on experience.
So just by changing the narrative, we feel differently and we take different actions and therefore we're creating new neural pathways. And we then think in different ways, act in different ways and create different outcomes in our life. So. Is amazing. Human brain is amazing, but so you might not even realize that you have this thought [00:04:00] I'm behind.
You might not even realize you are feeling like panic or anxiety or something that has come up when you're in this place. Maybe it's through how you're behaving. Maybe you notice like I. You look at your calendar and like something hasn't been done or you see there's a deadline coming up and you haven't done the amount of work you thought you would have by this point in time, and maybe you find yourself in this almost like rush scramble and it's like you can feel your energies like almost quite like erratic, a bit scatty.
We're in this like oftentimes when we're. When we're telling ourselves I'm behind, it normally makes us feel panic or anxiety or stress. And so our body, our whole nervous system, like our brain body connection, it's switched into fight or flight. So we have the amygdala, which is. In part of the limbic system like is calling the shots in terms of our survival brain.
And it is literally sending the, sounding the alarm [00:05:00] going, danger, danger. I'm behind something bad, like something bad is going to happen, I'm behind. Therefore, I guess it's kind of linked with like I failed, like something bad is gonna happen, panic. And so we go into this like the adrenaline is up, the cortisol is up, our palms are sweating, our mouth is dry, like our heart rate's racing.
And when we are in that place. All of our, like creativity, logical thinking, all of our, like long-term problem solving, rational thinking literally shuts off our, our body is focusing on surviving. It thinks there is a problem. The amygdala, the little is like a little fire alarm in our brain. It's very, very sensitive to any perceived threat.
Like it's scanning for danger. It keeps us alive, like we have got this far as a human race and the amygdala has helped with that, but it doesn't understand the difference between something real where we actually need to run away or freeze or like fight it or imagining. Okay, if I have to then tell the [00:06:00] client or.
My boss or my team or someone that this thing hasn't happened or someone is waiting for this thing and I haven't delivered it and therefore I'm behind. Like that feels really scary to our brain and it doesn't know that we're not gonna actually die, but it feels the same and we have the same physiological response.
And so it switches us into fight flight freezer, fawn, and then. Like our rational, logical thinking is offline. All our creativity, all our like, ways that we could actually be like, okay, this is the time we have. Let's go for it. How could I maybe create the same outcome in less time or in a different way, or like, could I do it in a different way?
All of that is gone. We go into panic. So maybe you might notice, maybe you might notice your heart rate's up, your palms are sweating. Or if this is like a regular occurrence of being in this stress state. You might not even notice anything's different. This might just be a bit more of your default. For sure.
This used to be, for me, it was almost like everything [00:07:00] was a bit rushed, a bit last minute. There were these stories of like, I failed, I'm behind. I'm not organized. Like all of this was running as this script in my head, like this story, and I didn't even realize it. And so I had this like low lying level of stress and anxiety that was just like percolating into, and I was working consulting at the time.
Into every part of my day. Pretty much. It was this like, go have to just, and it's like we become, when you're in this place, like we're so reactive again, we're not thinking strategically. And so again, you might notice, huh, maybe something's going on here. If you are rushing, if you're like, we can often jump around from different things, so maybe you realize this thing hasn't been done yet, or like is approaching the deadline and instead of.
Focusing calmly and making a plan or rejigging the plan or like thinking about how you could get it done. It's like, ah, I can't even look at it. It's like in our inbox on [00:08:00] chat. Maybe it's on Messenger. Maybe we're looking at like booking a holiday somewhere to like escape on our phones, going to shops to go get chocolate.
I dunno, whatever the things are often we can then, like as humans, we are wired to avoid discomfort. The discomfort that we are wired to avoid is emotional discomfort, because again, think about it, our survival brain, when there is emotional discomfort like fear, anxiety, stress, it meant we were gonna die.
And so it's like we, we run away from that thing because it was like, this equals death. Move away from it Now. Like telling ourselves the story that we are behind, feeling the panic, having the sa like our, our brain doesn't know the difference between real and imagined. So even when we imagine that we are behind and we're thinking about it, we're telling that story, we feel like something has gone wrong, and therefore we feel the fear, we feel the anxiety, we feel the stress and our.
Our brain is wired to just move away from that. It's like [00:09:00] this means danger. Avoid as we go into hiding, procrastinating over anything, over scrolling, over podcast, listening over reading. Maybe we'll like hide at a TV show or if it's during the day at work, often we can hide in stuff that feels productive.
Like really easy, quick tasks. So there's this like thing that we think we're behind on that feels like, ah, I can't even like think about this right now. And so we go into almost like pretending to ourselves, we're avoiding doing anything about this bigger thing. And so we're kind of procrastinating, kind of avoiding, but we're still doing stuff that feels really rewarding to our brain.
Like lots of little tasks like doing our expenses, like sending some emails, chatting to teammates, or like doing the stuff that we really enjoy. That's actually. That we could maybe do it another time, or that's not actually doing the, like, making the progress not actually moving us where we want to go because we're [00:10:00] avoiding this bigger thing.
And, and the only reason we're avoiding it is because we have this story that somehow we are behind because whatever, idea of a timeline we had, or like plan that we had in our mind, we're telling ourselves because it's not that therefore I'm behind, therefore all the panic and the anxiety and the stress comes up and we just avoid it.
We busy ourselves, and this is why oftentimes if you find you are getting to the end of the week and you're like, I have been flat out so busy, what have I even done? I, I've, and you've felt like you've just been rushing around from different things to different things, and you get to the end of the week, you're like, I actually have nothing to show for it.
Like, I've not created anything. I've not really moved anything forward. You've done lots of like flitting, busy work. This is one of the reasons why is like you are avoiding these uncomfortable feelings and you're not understanding the story that's going on in your brain. And then shifting that narrative, shifting those beliefs, rewriting that story, and this is essentially the work that we do in coaching is [00:11:00] like really understanding what are those stories, those beliefs that are causing those feelings.
Like how we are thinking the, the stories that we tell ourselves, the thoughts we think, and so many of them we have from like before, we are eight years old. Like we just internalize how we see the world and we pick it up from our caregivers or like teachers or things will happen to us and we add this to like, oh, this equals this.
So we have these beliefs and each time we think of belief, it creates a feeling within us. And then we take action. So we either move towards something. Or we avoid it all because of these beliefs. And oftentimes we don't even know, they're not even conscious. We're not even aware of what we are actually thinking.
They're unconscious. They're like, subconscious is just, they're, they're driving our behavior, and yet we feel like we're sometimes on this hamster wheel. Things are happening. Why am I just like busy all the time and not actually doing anything? And in this panic and in this rush. And not making the impact, not actually living the life I want, or actually doing these big scary goals [00:12:00] that I wanna do.
Doing the bigger things, putting myself out there like, why am I hiding? Why am I not doing this? It's because of some unconscious belief that you're not even aware of. And when you think that there's some feeling that, then you're feeling that you're avoiding and off. Like we don't get taught how to feel our feelings.
We don't get like. So many of us don't. Some people do. If you have parents or teachers or anyone that, like when you grew up, they taught you how to really just like be with your feelings, process them all the way through, not to shame you for having them not to avoid them, and, and actually, here's the thing, then, then you will understand how to feel your feelings that so many of us are not taught this and yet.
Here's the crazy thing is like when we are present with how we feel, they pass so quickly. They ease in a matter of like moments when we can like feel the feeling coming up. If we can really just breathe through it and sometimes we cry, sometimes we yawn, sometimes we need to like stretch. [00:13:00] That's the emotion coming out and when we can just be present with that, we come back into this like rest or digest, like relaxed state.
That's when we access our creativity. That's when we are like in flow and the ideas come and we're like, oh, cool. Okay, I've got this time left. I can just rejig this, delegate that. I'm like, cool, we're gonna get the thing done. We can't access that when we're in fire or flight. And because our default, if we've not been taught how is to avoid uncomfortable emotions, we actually make them worse because we move away.
From the feeling, it's like, oh, I can't deal with this now. I'll go and like scroll. I'll go and eat something. I'll go and drink something. I'll go and like do something over here like clean, tidy out, something busy, busy ourselves and like taking action or doing the the quick wins. Taking action will never ever solve a feeling like you can't make a feeling go away by taking action.
The only way to make a feeling kind of subside is to sit with it, because the way I think about it is like we have these beliefs. [00:14:00] We have thought, one, we've believed that we've got caught up in the program, caught up in the story, and that has caused a, an emotion, a feeling in our body. And then we've become aware of it.
And it's almost like the feeling. I think of feelings as like signals. They are trying to tell us something. So like the feeling is like, Hey, I want you to know, like with this specific example, uh, you're behind, like you might get into trouble. Someone might tell you that you've not done a good job, like you might be separated from, again, we have this fear of being separated from the tribe, especially when we're working in teams with other people or like the clients.
It's like it is a genuine fear that if we don't. Like deliver something when someone's asked for it, or we have to tell someone that it's not happening in the timeframe we originally thought. It's like that fear of being then somehow separated because they might say something about us or have judgments about us.
Like that feels, that is like a survival fear to us. And so your brain is like, oh, we don't wanna have that. We don't have [00:15:00] this happen. And so it's letting you know like, oh, I'm behind. I'm behind. Like better pay attention here. And we feel that survival. Like we go into fight or flight, we go into survival mode again, where a rational thinking's offline.
And when we ignore like our, it's like the feeling our brain's trying to tell us, pay attention. There's something really important here. I want you to know that there might be danger. I want you to know that danger might be coming. And when we ignore it, it doesn't go away. It's like. She's not listening better keep telling her.
And it's like the analogy is, you know, you can like push a beach ball under the water and when you push it away, just like your, your emotion, you're resisting it. You're like, I can't adopt time for this. Can't think about it. Do something else. Do something else. We distract ourselves with overworking, with like doing random things or just like not doing what we actually know that deep down we wanna do, pushing the beach ball down.
And it keeps coming back. It's like, wait, I need to tell her. I need to tell her. It's like, and the thought loops will [00:16:00] come and the feeling will come back and it will just, it's like the phrase is like, what we resist persists when we are not willing to just be present with our feelings. Like they come back louder and stronger, which is crazy 'cause it's like, even when we know this sometimes it's like, I don't wanna sit with my feelings because it feels really uncomfortable, especially if we've not been taught how to do this.
Again, this is a practice, so like. You know, with myself and like with my clients, it's like I take them through it in the session the first time of like, this is how you actually sit with and process a feeling. This is how you understand why it's here and what it's trying to tell you, and like, be okay with it and this is how you like.
Talk to yourself in that moment and give yourself compassion. And they're like, huh, wow. It eases. And it's like sometimes they can feel it like lifting out of their body or like sinking out or just like melting away It, it's amazing like how you can feel your body just transform when you're just like, okay, I don't need to be hanging onto this anymore.
And then it's like when we take [00:17:00] it away and we practice it, and again, it's just putting the reps in. Then it's like we can. Lean into the feeling so like I, and actually be present with it. And even this happened, this mor, like just before recording this podcast, I could feel, and I sometimes it takes me a bit to really understand exactly what I'm feeling.
Like I'm not always, even though I've done this work for a long time, it's still, I like, it takes me a bit to be like, huh, what is it? I'm actually feeling what's actually going on? But for me, it's my actions. I can tell if I am avoiding something, like I was avoiding standing up and recording this podcast.
I was like having, it's like I could watch my brain being like, Ooh, do this thing, or just check this. And normally I can catch and write those things down. But I was like, oh, great, I'll go do these like little distract. And they were all useful things that I wanted to do like by the end of this week, but it was like I didn't need to do them right now.
And yet I was finding, it was like, oh, another 20 minutes has passed. I've still not recorded this podcast. When I said I [00:18:00] would sure I've done things I was gonna do at the end of the day, but there were admin things and I could have done them when I had less energy. Whereas I wanted to do the podcast when I had a bit more energy, a bit more like flow, and I was resisting it and, and then so it was like, huh.
I'm avoiding a feeling and that for me was my sign in to be like, okay, it's time to just sit with it and time to just be present with it. And yeah, it was so interesting. I like had a big cry and I hadn't realized that I was holding onto this and it was just, again, I guess maybe it's like getting back into the podcasting after taking a bit of a pause and with the shift in the business to focus on like more neurodivergent coaching and bringing in tools and talking more about being neuro divergent like.
I think there's just a fear of, I get, it was like, shame that came up for me. And shame can just, it just feels so heavy. It's only been in the last few years I've been really able to actually sit with it. I could always sit with like fear or frustration. It was like, cool, I can do those feelings. There's fear.
It means I'm like at the edge of my [00:19:00] comfort zone, let's do it. But shame, it's like, oh, it means there's something wrong with me. And it's just like, oh, I don't wanna look at it. I don't wanna like sit with it. I was able to sit with it and it was just this, I guess. I guess a fear in there and shame of like, it's almost that like who am I to be standing up and talking about this?
Or like, who am I to talk about these things and pretend like I know the answers? And I know that I'm not pretending to know all the answers, like a hundred percent. I'm not. I am figuring all of this out as I go. And I guess just what I love doing is. Finding out stuff that really works for me that like, I'm like, wow, that has been so amazing, so transformational.
And then I teach it to my clients and I share some of it on this podcast too. So I know that I like, I know that you guys don't know that I like think I have all the answers 'cause I absolutely do not. I am like just figuring this out. I'm willing, I guess, to just notice where I'm avoiding, notice where I'm not showing up as I want to and getting curious as to what's going on.[00:20:00]
That's the piece, that's the skill I guess, that I teach my clients as well is like, yes, all the tools, but it's like being able to understand themselves without me. I just help them understand themselves. So then at the end of the coaching, it's like they can go and do anything and any goal and any project, any work like promotion, like anything they want to do, and they have the tools to like make that decision.
Be like, huh, why is my brain avoiding this? What's going on? Why do I feel this way? Okay. And like being present with themselves. It's like such a, it is such a gift to have this suite of tools. Like, I guess that's it. It's so fun. It is almost like a toolbox and it's like, okay, this thing, which one are we gonna use today?
Okay, here we go.
But yeah, the shame was coming up of like, who am I to do this? And like, I'm not, I guess underneath it all is like, I'm not good enough to do this. I am not like. An expert on this, but I do know, you know, it's like breathing through it.
And I guess it's just that fear [00:21:00] of, in some ways, like being seen, being seen for who I am. Like standing up here talking about stuff like is still scary. Still scary is still like, yeah. And so, but being able to, I know I've gone a little bit away from the behind. We will get back to that, but just with the whole feelings piece is like.
But being able to catch that I was distracting myself and not doing what I ultimately knew that I wanted to do, like I knew I wanted to stand up and show this podcast. I knew I wanted to do that and I wasn't doing it. And so when I could just process and breathe through it all and like really process through the feeling, then it's like, okay, now I'm here.
Now I'm calm. And now I'm able to actually show up. It's like. My, I I guess another way of explaining that might resonate with you is like, in that moment, and it can be the same with the behind, like, I'm behind in the moment. For me it was like, [00:22:00] I, like I am not gonna be safe. So it was like, if I stand up and share this podcast, I'm like, I'm me.
Somehow that's not safe. Like it felt like danger to my body, to my brain, and it by processing it through, it's almost like I'm telling myself. It's okay. Like you are safe in this moment. It is safe to stand up here to share these tools, to speak about these things. It's safe. Even if someone disagrees, even if someone has negative comment, like you're still gonna be okay.
And it's like I was saying to myself like, I'm gonna take care of you. Like whatever happens, you're gonna be okay. And it's like oftentimes we're speaking to like our little inner, inner self, our inner kid. And so it's the same with the behind. It's like. If your brain is attaching this story when you haven't done something or the timeframe has shifted, or your calendar, like you're not doing the things on your calendar as you had thought, your brain is like attaching this story of like.
It is not safe. It's almost like our brains [00:23:00] create these rules that can be like maybe growing up it's like if I do all these things and get all these things done, then I will be okay. Then I will be safe. And maybe it's because we get praised for doing well or, and maybe it's like we don't, if we don't do well, and so we learn to attach, okay, if I do all these things and like keep everyone happy and get everything done at the exact time that I said I would, and.
You know, do all these things in this way, then I will be okay, then I will be safe, then I will be accepted by the tribe. Then I know that I'm gonna like be okay. In terms of a survival thing, like thinking about back again in, in the like cave person days, like being part of the tribe was so important for survival because if you're trying to fend on your own for like hunting and gathering and like wild animals.
You're so like, at so much more risk of death. Whereas when you're part of a tribe, it's like there's safety and there's numbers. And so it's like that wiring is still there today where we wanna be accepted, we wanna be part of it. And this happens so, so young, like when we were kids. And [00:24:00] so that same wiring is like happening today.
Like we don't even realize It is like, okay, if I, if I get everything done when I said it would, and. On the timeframe that I said I would, then I will be okay, then I will be safe. And so when that looks like it is not happening, your brain kicks into this old story, which is like I am behind. The panic comes, it's like you're not safe.
There's danger. I. Do something about this. But of course when we're in that place it's like, ah. It's like we wanna avoid run away from the whole thing or like, again, busy yourself with like, this feels better. At least I'm being productive and it feels really good. And like no judgment on any of this, I literally had done this for years until I understood coaching and understood my own brain and realized, whoa, this is what's going on.
And then was able to actually change that and able to actually like feel the feelings, recalibrate my nervous system to be like, if you don't do something by a certain time. You are still safe. Like that is the work, and that's the work again that I do with clients and that I've done on myself is like, just [00:25:00] because you haven't done these things, you're still safe.
So it's, it's like taking. So yes, there's a rewiring and like shifting the thoughts as well and changing that narrative. But it's also in the moment when your body goes into panic to be like bringing your body back down and processing through the feelings and being like, right now you are safe. And then when we do that again and again, we just go less and less into the like, fight or flight.
It's like, okay, no, actually I'm safe. And so, so there's that process of like, like bringing your nervous system on board with like. Yes, it might go into a panic response when you haven't done something by timeframe, but it's like with practice and with processing through feelings like that, that response will happen less and less.
And then the other part is actually rewiring your brain. And so te like telling a different story about, I'm Behind. And so even just thinking about it, like one thing that can be really helpful with all of this is like, again, what are the facts? Like how it, well, it's almost like how do you know you are behind?
[00:26:00] What does behind even mean? 'cause oftentimes, like our brain offers us these like really vague thoughts of like, I'm behind and these like big sweeping statements that may feel terrible. And then we go into panic and then we're like bahhh. And then we, and, and actually, here's the thing. It's like when we're jumping from different things or we're avoiding, or we're procrastinating and just putting off doing the thing, we're not doing it.
And so there's like more, we are essentially creating more evidence that we are further behind because we haven't done anything to move it. We've not moved it forward. So then our brain's like, I still haven't done anything for these last two hours. I'm behind. And then we go into panic, we avoid, and then we don't do anything we like.
Go scroll, go eat something, go do other stuff. And then maybe a week's gone by and we're like, and I'm still behind. So it goes round and round and round in this circle. It's fun being a human, isn't it? And I think especially like being neurodivergent. We almost like, the reason that we have a lot of these stories is we almost have so much more evidence that we are behind because we have, if, if you've got ADHD, it's like time blindness.
Like our [00:27:00] sense of time is different. And so oftentimes we can be really optimistic, like, of course I can do all these things. Or maybe it's like we can get into people pleasing, like, yeah, I can totally get that for you tomorrow. And they, it's like, wait, I forgot about this other thing. And so things can happen.
Or if we are really struggling to actually focus and to do something, maybe because we need to regulate our nervous system and we haven't been taught how to do that. We can get as ADHDers and as neurodivergent folks as well. It's like we can get dysregulated so we can tip into fight or flight more quickly.
And so it's like bringing our like nervous system back to feeling calm. Like if we've not been taught how to do this, we're gonna be dysregulated, we're gonna be going into panic mode. Way more easily. And, and therefore it's like it's gonna take longer. And so we have more evidence that we're behind. And maybe things have happened again growing up where it's like we get taught, someone's like, why haven't you done this by now?
Or, I thought you would've done this by now. Why is it taking you so long? And so all of this, we're adding up all of this evidence of [00:28:00] like, it means I'm behind because I haven't done this thing at this certain timeframe. So I just wanna offer this is you like. Give yourself a big hug. No shame at all. It's just so good to have this awareness.
And yeah, so just coming back to questioning the thought, which is like, what does behind even mean? Again, brain has these really vague statements that feel terrible, and when we start, that's the amazing thing about like doing this work and coaching and questioning these beliefs is like, what does it even mean to be behind?
Like actually, what does it mean? How would you know that you're behind? How would you know you're not behind? How would you know you're ahead? Like, what is the like. What are the different tipping points? And oftentimes we maybe can't be specific and we're like, huh, there is no scale in my brain, just any slight deviation from what we thought.
It's like, and I'm behind. And of course we know that when we are thinking and focusing on I'm behind, it sends us into this panic, into this tailspin, into this avoidance, creating us like not making [00:29:00] progress, therefore adding to the story of being further behind. And actually when we start to question, it's like, where is that Like.
How do we even know? And so that could be really helpful as well.
And the other piece is like, so what if you're behind, like even going there. Okay, so you are behind. So what. Sometimes like even that can give us a bit of perspective of like, well, I'm still alive, like I'm still here. Everything's actually okay. And it's like we, again, our brain can be like, I'm behind therefore, and goes to this like, worst case of like, we just go into this panic and actually if we can question like, okay, so what if you are, then what?
And, and it can just almost like remove a bit of the, like, it's just this like, oh, okay. Huh. Okay, maybe. Maybe I had an idea of where I wanted to go and I'm not there. Like, okay, so what, and it's like sometimes that can shift into perspective or even like the other one's, like going to the end of your life and [00:30:00] being like, will you be thinking about this?
When you're at the end of your life looking back, will you be thinking about it in a year, five years? Six months, a month. Like anything that can zoom out and give us perspective, because oftentimes when we're in it, it's like, uh, this is really big, like scary thing and it feels really panicky. And when we can zoom out, it's like, huh, okay.
And that can just help, like again, start to calm us down and that's when we can access the problem solving and the creativity for how we're gonna work through it. And I wanna also just offer, we can try on new beliefs as well. So these are some of the beliefs that I have shifted and done a lot of work around that I truly, truly believe.
And my brain will still like offer me sneaky thoughts of like, you're behind. I'm behind. But I can see it. And I'm like, that is old programming. That is old story. That is not Hazel now. That is not Hazel in the future. And I can just let it go. And again, with practice obs observing your thoughts and rewiring your brain and like calming your nervous system down and bringing it back to like a really [00:31:00] regulated place like that is what?
You will be able to do is just notice this narrative but not get caught up in it. Because here's the thing, like just because your brain offers you a thought, like you don't have to believe it. Like imagine it's like a stone. I'm holding the stone. For any of you just listening, I'm holding a stone in my hand.
It's like your brain can offer you that. And I think of it almost this like conveyor belt of thoughts. So it's like, here, here's a thought. Here's a thought based on how you were brought up, how your brain sees the world, things that have happened to you, your culture. You know, there's so many different things that like how you have lived your lived experience in the world society, like what news you consume, what social media you consume.
We have this filter that we see the world through. And our brain offers us thoughts based on that, and we can decide if we wanna believe them. And if we believe a thought and we get caught up in the story, that's when we feel differently.
That's when we act differently. That's when we create an outcome that maybe we don't actually want. That's not actually taking us where we want to go. But [00:32:00] if we can just drop back and notice. And be like, oh, interesting. There goes that old patterning, there's my brain offering me that thought again.
Like we don't have to get caught up in it and we can just put it down. And so we're not feeling the feelings that, like, I can notice that I'm behind and I don't feel the panic. I'm like, oh, there it goes. Oh, okay. It's doing its thing and it's all good. And instead, so these are some of the, the things that I believe.
I focus my brain instead on like I am exactly where I need to be. Just let that land for a minute. I am exactly where I need to be. And even try that on. And if you like it, if it feels good, like borrow it, use it. And for me, that just like calms me down and I'm just like, oh yeah. Because it's like,I may have had an idea of the timeframe or of, or of how much work I would do, but like that has literally not happened for whatever reason.
And now I know, and I have hindsight and I [00:33:00] can look back and I maybe could have done things differently, but at the time it's like I couldn't have done anything differently. I was doing the best I could in those moments. Learning, figuring out, doing what I did. Now I can learn some things. That's fine. So right now it's like I'm exactly where I need to be, and from this moment then I can decide now how do I wanna respond from here?
And the other thought I have that really helps me with this is like everything happens at the perfect time. And this is, and again, with all of these beliefs. You can always find evidence for it. That's the thing, because beliefs aren't facts. Like you can find evidence that you're behind and your brain probably has a lot of evidence because you're focusing on it because it's like you're putting on these glasses.
So it's like, well, this and this and this. But equally you can find evidence that like you're exactly where you need to be and that everything happens at the perfect time. And especially with the the last one. It's like I have so much evidence since I've started training my brain to to [00:34:00] focus on that of like.
I can look back, I'm like, whoa, I thought this was running like late and delayed. But actually if it hadn't been delayed, this other thing wouldn't have happened or this other person wouldn't have reached out or whatever. And so this whole thing never would be how it is right now. And it's like we can't imagine right now that there's so many other things like going on behind the scenes.
And like, again, if you think about like the universe, it's like everything happens at the perfect time. When we really sink into that, we'll realize it was al. It's almost like it was always meant to happen this way. That's another thought. I like love coming back to, it was always meant to happen this way.
It was always going to. Because of whatever, because of some lesson that I needed to learn because of some other, like synchronicity or something happening that then I'm like, ah, this thing never would've happened if like, I'd done that thing when I said I would, or on the, like, timing that I thought I would.
So I just wanna offer [00:35:00] like, what if you're not behind? What if you are exactly where you need to be in this moment? Just play around with that and then notice if your brain, if the thought comes back up and just bring your brain back down. Okay. I hope that was helpful. That is, yeah. That is very, very dear to my heart.
I thought, because it is a story that I have done a lot of work to release and let go of, and it just feels so much. When we can release these thoughts that are just not helpful and that put us into panic, put us into stress, put us into this like fight or flight place, every single day just becomes so much easier because it's like, again, you might feel the panic and you can bring your body back down and you just, like, the ideas will come and the flow and the creativity and like.
Interactions with other people, feel, feel easier. Actually like creating work and getting things like done that you wanna get done just feels so much easier because again, when we're in fight [00:36:00] or flight or panic, we avoid, and even if we are doing something, we're not accessing our best work. We're not accessing our like creative thinking.
And again, I did this for years where everything was in this like rush, panic. And then it's like being able to be like, ah, everything feels flowy and fun. And just being able to tap into that. It's, ah, it's just, it's the best feeling. So also, if you wanna do this work, like if you're like, oh my gosh, I want to know how to do that, come and learn these tools with coaching, honestly, like they are just so amazing.
Like. To say it's gonna change your life is like an understatement, but it's like changing in just like even one tiny area of your life in like one session or whatever changes other areas of your life as well. It's like once you have these tools of watching your brain, regulating your nervous system and like bringing it back down and really being present with your feelings like.
It's like life just flows. There's not this [00:37:00] forcing. There's not this like stress and rushing and busyness and hamster tread wheeled where we're like, I know that I want my life to be like this, but I'm just not doing it. Or I know that I wanna be going after these big goals, but I'm just not doing it because I'm so busy and I'm so just like.
Down in the, like the panic hustle, hamster wheel, and it's like that. I know that it might be hard if you're listening to this, you might think that's just how it has to be. I promise you it doesn't, I promise you it doesn't like, and if it feels scary, but you're still like, I know I wanna change this. It's okay.
It's like it's okay for it to be, to feel scary. Like that's how you know. This is the edge of like learning and growth and like yeah. If you're, if you're loving this podcast and you're just like, I want to take these tools and like really understand how to apply it to myself and be able to know, I think that's the be the best thing about it is like knowing that [00:38:00] whatever situation I'm in, and I know this like for my clients as well, like whatever situation they're in.
They always know how to come back to themselves, how to like bring their brain down, how to show up as their best self, how to create like whatever goal it is that they want, like go after it and make it happen. Like, oh, that's just the biggest gift that you can give yourself. So if this feels like something that you are called to do and you're like, I know I wanna do this, come like, there's more info in the show notes.
Like, come and do this work. Honestly, if you love this podcast, you're gonna ab like absolutely love it. It's so fun. It's flowy. And yeah, it's just like, life just feels so much more fun when we just like let go of the panic and the stress and can just enjoy even the hard bits, even the scary bits, even the like stepping out of our comfort zone and like going after bigger goals.
Like we can just enjoy all of it and. Oh, it is so good. [00:39:00] Anyway, and also if you're telling yourself your behind, release that and come back to you are exactly where you need to be. Okay, hope this was helpful. Have an amazing, amazing rest of the day and an amazing week ahead and I will see you next time.
Bye.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goal making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you wanna take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note, and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, Ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys, and I'll see you next time in the Scary Goals Club.
