[00:00:00] Hi, and welcome to the Scary Goals Club. I am your host, Hazel Robertson, and I believe that to make the impact that you know you are called to make in the world, it requires setting bigger, scarier goals and then becoming the person who creates them. That is what I am here to show you how to do. That's what we are diving into with mindset tools.
Tricks. Really simple, practical, actionable steps you can take and start applying straight away. 'cause whatever you believe, we have this one life that we definitely know about. Start making the impact, you know you wanna make in the world. Fear is not a reason to stop. We keep going. We work through the fear.
That is what we do in the Scary Goals Club. So come on in, come join, hit subscribe, and let's get started.
Hi, and welcome to the Scary Girls Club podcast. I'm your host, Hazel Robertson, and this episode's a little bit different because I'm sitting down, so if you're watching on video, normally I'm standing up, but [00:01:00] I just fancy sitting down today and I. We'll see if it works. I definitely feel like normally, one of the things I love about standing up is like I think it gives me a bit more energy, or I feel a bit more energized.
I feel a bit more like, ah. So it might be like a slightly different podcast vibe than maybe normally comes through, but I'm kinda like, and this and this and this. It feels a bit more chilled, but maybe that's just the mood that I'm in. And yeah, I have literally pressed. Record and then stopped about four or five times already maybe got like a couple minutes in and it's almost like what I've been like, okay, I'll talk about this.
And it's like, oh no, maybe I'll talk about this. It's like those things are not, it's not that they're not resonating, but they're maybe not like feeling true for what I wanna actually talk about. And so I think what I wanna talk about instead is. A little bit about like my [00:02:00] day yesterday and then basically why it's so important and so powerful to be and meet ourselves like however we are and just, I.
It is okay to have off days. Yesterday was an off day, like I've not had an off day in a while. And you know, even if it's like I'm feeling a bit tired or a bit whatever, there's like some like heavy feelings. Usually I can process through them, move through them, and then like get back on with whatever I was doing yesterday.
It just wouldn't shift. And I think also I was like a little bit tired anyway, which doesn't help like emotionally wise. And then. I think maybe had like a little bit of a cold, or there was something like Flynn had been a bit like sniffly and it was like maybe it was like oh, and my nose a bit more blocked up.
So I think there was maybe other elements at play as well. And like in the past, like years and years ago, I would've just pushed [00:03:00] through. I would've been so hard on myself, I would've beat myself up for being like. This is terrible. Like you can't feel ill, like you have to and like would push on, push on, push through rather than actually like listening to my body and being like, wait, what is it I need in this moment?
How can I take care of myself in this moment? And being willing to be like, I know I said I would get this thing done today. I know I wanted to do this thing, but what my body needs right now is actually rest. And what I need right now is to take care of myself and to give myself space and. Process through feelings.
Like there were so many like heavy, heavy feelings coming up yesterday and again, this has been the first time in a while that like, like things will come up and I'll process them through. And this one, it was like a lot of processing, a lot of just like being present, like feeling. And, and I think like part of it has been, there's a lot of, and, and I will talk about 'em at some point, but like there's a lot of.[00:04:00]
Fairly major like changes going on, like life changes happening for me, like behind the scenes. And I think part of it is just, it can feel and like all good changes, like all amazing things that it's like I've been working towards and like all of this like amazing, amazing stuff's happening and yet there can be this element of like, it's almost like.
I'm trying to think how to explain it. It's almost like, actually I was gonna do an episode of this. Maybe I will do this episode around this with this example. But like, it is almost like a sadness and like a grief and like grief for me and sadness. Like it feels so heavy. Like I really feel it, like in my heart and it's like, whoa.
And to be with it, like it feels like I'm just like, I'm falling into it and it's just like, feels really heavy and. It's almost this like grief and [00:05:00] sadness for how things have been that they're no longer that way. So like, and this is one of the things we can often get when it's like we don't like no one, I guess no one really talks about it.
It's like when we are. When we're like setting these big goals and like having these big dreams for our life and being like this, I know this is what I want to create in my life. I know this is what's next. Oftentimes we associate, we're like, when I have the thing, I will feel differently. I will be differently.
Like life will be different in some way. And yes, that is true, but we often think like having the goal or doing the goal. Suddenly we will feel differently and like suddenly everything will be different. And that is the lie, is the lie that our brain tells us. And so one of the things like in terms of the process I teach my clients is like, you start feeling that way now.
Like you bring in that feeling. That's how you create the goal. And that's how, yes, you make sure there is that feeling still when you have the [00:06:00] goal, but also the, like the goal, like things don't magically change when you get the goal or like things are moving towards it. It's like you are still. Gonna have off days.
You're still a human, you're still gonna make mistakes. You're still gonna like have feelings that feel really hard. It's not like suddenly, I think we can sometimes put almost this like future thing of like we have the goal and everything will be like different and magical as if like we can't access those feelings now.
And it's like, that's not true. Like we can a hundred percent. Access those feelings right now, generate them on purpose. And even though we're doing that and we can like elevate our emotions and feel like in flow and connected and creative, we are still gonna have days where we feel like shit and we're still gonna have, there's still gonna be other problems and other things have to think about.
And like, it's like life doesn't magically get better when you are, when you, some of your goals are starting to happen and like move forward. [00:07:00] And I think sometimes that can be. There's that like realization of that can be quite hard. And I think there's also another element of it, which is what I was experiencing, is there's almost this like grief, this sadness, almost like a nostalgia for how things have been.
Even if you know, things have been amazing. And even if it's like ultimately you are wanting this new thing, you're want like this new goal, this new like version of your life. There's still. This loss, I guess, of like your past life and how things have been and how you've been, because I guess ev, anytime you're creating a goal and like moving towards it, it requires to create these goals, it requires a shift in your identity.
Because if you don't change your id, your identity basically is like. How you're thinking and feeling and, and being like how you're thinking, feeling, and doing in the world. It's like how you are being, how [00:08:00] you're holding yourself, how you're thinking about yourself, how you see yourself. Like if you don't change your identity, you just have the same, you keep creating the same outcomes.
You have the same outcomes in your life if you change your identity. You start thinking differently, you start feeling differently. You start showing up differently. You start being a different person. That's when you then create different outcomes. So it's like the being a different person. That doesn't happen when you magically create the goal.
Like you start doing that now and that's how you create whatever the goal is you're working towards. So it's like the opposite of how we think, we think. Oh, when I like. Publish the podcast or write the book or start the new job, then I'll feel or like get a promotion. Then I'll feel confident. Then I'll feel like I know what I'm doing.
Then I'll feel like a podcaster and it's like that never happens. It's not like suddenly you do it and your identity changes. It's like you become that first. So you become the person who is showing up as if you already have a pro promotion. You become the person who's already showing up as if you're like a [00:09:00] podcaster or an author and you do that first.
Then the goal happens, then you, well then the goal doesn't just happen. You start taking action and you start moving towards the goal and things both start happening and unfolding, and then that's how you create the goal. But the identity shift, the like being a different person is first. And so whenever there's like, yes, I guess the, like the grief and the sadness is this like kind of when it's like you're shedding an old identity, it's like this old identity of how you have been.
How you saw the world, how you saw yourself, how maybe others saw you. Like that's kind of going and it's like you're stepping into this new identity that ultimately you want and you've created. And you've decided is like that's the identity you want. And there's yet, and yet there is still, like both things can be true.
You can be creating goals that you have dreamed about for years, and like you're so excited and it feels like everything on your vision board is like locking into place [00:10:00] and like you have this momentum and oftentimes what can happen is like when we are, which is why like coaching and like, oh, this work is so powerful.
'cause we have the same brain. So it's like as we're going about all parts of our life, when we shift our identity, our thoughts, like how we're showing up in one area, it starts positively affecting other areas of our life. So like often what can happen is. We will be suddenly, like stuff will start unfolding and like flowing in one area and then like it'll happen in other areas as well.
And so suddenly, like our vision board and our goals that we're working towards will move. They can move very quickly and suddenly it can be like, whoa. Okay. And it's almost, it's like, I think the other piece with it is. Because our brain, like we are evolutionary, evolutionary wise, wired to be fearful of change and uncertainty because change, it uses like a lot of cognitive energy.
It's [00:11:00] like. Like things are different. We're having to like process it and like interpret it based on that. Our brain is very, very good at building habits and like making behaviors habitual. And when things stay the same, they feel safe because they're known. So again, like thinking back to like cave person days where you knew your tribe, you knew like your surroundings, like that felt very safe changing or like new people around or new environments, it's like your brain becomes more on high alert because it's like.
I don't know this some, there could be some dangers, some threats, some wild animal, whatever. It's so like change anything that is new and and unfamiliar. Anything that is different can feel very scary to our brain. Even if, and again, like again, this is one of the practices I do as my clients is like really big on the visualization piece.
So it's like you are a ma, like what you end up creating, like your goal, you've already played it over in your mind. And this is part of the reason is like. You're training your brain that it's safe, that it's [00:12:00] familiar, that like what it is that you ultimately want, like is okay. And it's not this like something that feels big and distant and scary and separate.
It's like you've, by the time it's happening, you've rehearsed it so much in your mind that it does feel very familiar and yet it's still is a change in your day to day. It still is a change in maybe your like. Living environment, your working environment, your friendship groups, your people, you know, like there's changes happening, which can also feel very exciting to like neurodivergent.
And a DH ADHD brains, like I definitely find that I like, like novelty and like newness and new things, like really light me up, really interests me, really excite me. And there's still also this element that's like a bit like, ah, things are cha, things are changing. And it's almost like. I guess it's, yeah, it's that like that grief, that sadness, that the like change in identity letting go of that old identity letting go of like how things have [00:13:00] been in the past.
And I guess it's like the other piece of it is just like holding that space and having that, what we would call it, capacity, like emotional capacity for a lot of different things. Changing at once and again. Emotional capacity is like, I'm trying to think how to describe it. It's like we, I mean, when I, when I first did, when I was first in therapy, like 2019, and it's like I didn't even know like what my emotions were.
Like I just felt, you know, a knot in my stomach. It was like, oh, that's guilt, or like this like heaviness, like feeling like I was just like everything was going internal. It's like, oh wow, that's shame. Like I didn't have the language for it. I didn't understand it. Whereas now I'm so aware of like. All the different sensations in my body and what feelings they correspond to.
And also I'm able to be present with it and like hold myself through it and process it through. And again, this is what I teach my clients is like [00:14:00] being able to feel these big feelings and not like shut down, hide, run away, but actually be present with them. And the more that we can do that, the more we can tolerate like these bigger, bigger feelings.
And a lot of this, so for example, with like change, it's like. It feels like there's lots of different things changing right now, and yet I know in the past different things changing, like this might have. Sometimes I guess I would thrive on it and other times it might just overwhelm me and like shut me down a little bit.
Whereas now what I'm noticing is it's like, yes, there's a lot more like processing involved, but I'm able to be like, oh, interesting. I'm like grieving things for how they were, and I'm able to just like hold. These big feelings of like fear and uncertainties coming up as well, and like just be present with it all.
And as there's lots of things that are uncertain and there's lots of things that are also changing. [00:15:00] Again, all towards these ama like it sounds like terrible things are happening. They're not amazing things are happening. And again, like once things are a bit further forward, like I'll be able to chat through some of these things.
But um, so there's like lots of different elements like. Shifting and evolving at the moment. And sometimes when there are like lots of feelings coming up and there's lots of change or lots of like newness and lots of things are happening, we're gonna have off days. And like this is what happened yesterday was like, I.
Which is maybe why I was a bit hesitant to record this podcast. 'cause like normally I've been like, yes, they've been going out like weeks and I've been doing them weeks in advance, and then they go out like seven in the morning on a Friday. It is literally a Friday. I'm recording it. So I'm gonna be editing after this and putting it up.
And. I, because I tried, or I didn't even try. I was going to record it [00:16:00] yesterday and it did not happen. And it was just one of those days where it was just like so much processing. I had a nap, went for like a walk. I. It just, I was like, it's not, it's not a day that I'm able to stand up or sit down. Today was a day for sitting down podcasting, but like, it was not a day for standing up podcasting.
And in the past I, yeah, I would've been so hard on myself, like beating myself up and like. You, you're, you failed. You haven't done this, right? Like you can't even this, if I had a plan or like an idea of what I wanted to get done in a day and I didn't do it, or I didn't do one thing, let alone like, be like, that's not happening.
That's literally not happening. I did a few bits, but like, so much like wasn't happening. And yeah, yesterday I was able to just be like, I guess it was kind of a surrender of like, this is what it is like. I can push through and I'll maybe get a few like admin bits done or I surrender. I listen to my body and what it needs, [00:17:00] and I'll probably, if I'm feeling better in the morning, get them done like way quicker rather than like forcing myself to do something where it's just not happening.
And I just had this, like all of these like waves of the feelings and just being so present and being like, I know there's change and there's like lots of things happening and it's just like being so kind to myself as well. And I had an early night and just woke up this morning and was like, huh, okay.
It's shifted. It was like. Whatever was like stuck and sticky and there like, which is why I'm now able to talk about it. Like yesterday I was figuring out like, what's going on? Like what is this about? Like what's really going on for me? And that's one of the powerful things, like when you can tune into feelings is like they're giving you signals.
It's like. Telling you something that's happening, your body's and your brain's trying to protect you from something that fears is gonna happen or something that has happened or something you thinks might happen. And it's like when we can actually not [00:18:00] push it down, not push it away, not be like, I shouldn't be feeling this way.
I should be able to do these things, but actually just be present with how we are in that moment or that day, or whatever it is. And just be with ourselves and be so kind to ourselves. Drink lots of water, have a nap, like go for a walk, process it through. It literally eases. And whereas if I'd pushed through yesterday and done like a few bits, like I would've probably been knackered today and I wouldn't have processed it through.
So like it probably would've still been like trying to get my attention today. 'cause if we don't process through and like. Tune inwards with emotions. They keep coming back. They're like, hello, there's something I need to tell you, and you're not listening. Like they keep coming back stronger. So it's like when we can actually just pause and just rest and just be with ourselves, even though it feels hard, even though it's like had a big cry, I just like need to have a big cry.
Needed to have a nap. Needed to just like drink lots of water and just be like, this is what my body needs right now. [00:19:00] And then today's been so different and I just wanna, yeah. So I just wanna offer like if this is you and you maybe have a tendency to. Be really unkind to yourself if you don't get something done or if you're more tired than you thought, or maybe like also as women, it's like, it depends on the time of your cycle.
It depends on like, like hormones are different or like what food you've eaten or like, there's so many different things that can and, and as well as like our emotional state. It's like there's so many things that can influence how we are in a particular day, how we're feeling as well as like. If we're managing our stress levels and like taking care of ourselves in that way, like how much water we've drunk, how much sleep we've had.
There's so many things and it's like we are not machines. There's not this like. Straight output we have all the time. Like nature doesn't do that. Nature is very cyclical nature, like ebbs and flows and it's not like summer go, go, go all the time. It's like we have [00:20:00] these periods of like rest as well and it's like we are the same.
And when we can lean into that, when we can allow ourselves grace, because like if we're trying to rest and we're like, you shouldn't be resting, you're lazy. You're like, again, this is the narrative I used to have of like beating ourselves up. It's not actually resting. We're still, we've got the cognitive load, we've got the like maybe stress hormones and like feelings going through us.
It's like we're not actually resting
So it's like, again, if I have been lying in bed, I'm not like, oh, I'll just have a look at this.
It's like, no, I'm actually eyes closed. Meditating, resting processing, not like distracting myself. And that's the other thing that I used to do is like I'd ignore my feelings. I'd drink, like go out and drink through them. I'd like eat to like ignore them, scroll, like all that kinda stuff. Whereas now. I'm so much better.
Not all the time. Sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I just need chocolate. And sometimes that's all good and that's okay and that's what's needed. And other times it's like I'm able to be like, is it [00:21:00] chocolate I need or do I just like need to put my hands in my heart and like give myself a little cuddle and be like, you're feeling sad and it's okay because things are changing and it feels like there's a lot of uncertainty and like that's okay as well, which is what I was able to do yesterday.
So yeah, I just wanna offer the. It's okay to rest. Like your body needs rest to recharge and like resting isn't lazy. You don't also need to rest to be more productive like you can rest just because that's what your body needs and that's what it's telling you and like giving yourself that space. But what I do find is like when I listen to that and surrender and I'm just like, okay, this is what my body needs.
This might not have been what I planned that I would do, but like this is what my body needs. I moved through it so much more quickly and that's what happened like yesterday, like, okay, it took a full day, but like today I'm like, oh, cool, boom, boom, boom, this, this, this. Able to like do a podcast recording, which like I would not have been able to do yesterday at all.
I would've been sitting like this, like, oh. [00:22:00] So yeah, it's just like giving yourself rest and permission to rest and like it's okay to rest. It's safe to rest. Like it's what your body needs. That's when the ideas, the inspiration, the creativity, like that's when that will come. And then the other piece is like, yeah, if you find that you're working towards your goals and things are happening and things are changing and things are moving quickly, even if it's what you want, you might find like some feelings of sadness and feelings of grief coming up.
And that's totally normal as well. It's almost like, and it can feel, excuse me, it can feel a little bit like. Not disconcerting. What would the word be? Unusual, I guess, because again, it's like, but this is what I wanted and this is what I've been like moving towards and working towards and creating. Why am I feeling this way?
And again, it's like feelings aren't right or wrong. Like they're just signals, they're just information and it's just your body's like, okay, there's change and we're letting go of this like [00:23:00] old way of being this old identity. There's old things around us. It's like letting go of the familiar and like this less familiar.
Thing that we're stepping into. Even if it's what you want, like there is that anytime there's like that transition, that shift there can be that grieving process for what was, even if ultimately what was, isn't what you ultimately wanted and like the vision you had for your life. It's okay. And it's just knowing that like however you feel is okay.
Like there's no right or wrong way to feel. It's just your body giving you information. It's a signal. And when you can just be present with how you're feeling. It's just the most without having to change it, without having to be like right quick, I'll just feel my feelings and then I'll feel better so I can get on and do more things.
It's like, no, when you can just allow yourself the space to just be with whatever it is. It's like you just have to, you just feel like you don't have to run away from them as much or like they're not as scary. I remember anytime like an uncomfortable feeling or [00:24:00] quote unquote negative feeling used to come up.
I'd be like, ah, how do I get rid of it? Or it was like. In my brain, it was like something has gone wrong, It's like I'm feeling anxiety, I'm feeling stressed, I'm feeling something that means something has gone wrong and it's like, no, it's okay. Like feeling sadness, feeling grief, feeling anger, like I.
All of these are okay. They're just trying to tell you something. It doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. It means your body is working just fine. Your brain body connection, your nervous system's working just fine, and it's just reminding you of something or helping you look out for something that's maybe happened in the past.
And it's like nothing has gone wrong. And it's when we can just be present with them and not ignore them. Push them away and resist them. Like that's when they just start to ease and that's when it's like the uncomfortable feelings come up. And like to be able to be just present with them and it's like, okay, this is okay.
Like, it's okay to feel this way. It's such a gift, such a skill. So anyway, there, [00:25:00] there's today's episode. So be, be present with however you're feeling. Just like give yourself permission, like however you're feeling is okay. If you're not a robot, give yourself space if that's what you need and rest and just allow yourself to step away like, and a reminder, you're not what you get done.
Okay? You are infinitely, infinitely more than that. You're infinitely more than what you get done. You've just been conditioned through society to believe that your worth is tied to your productivity and how much output you have, and it's just not, you are so much more than that, and when you can like rest and just realize like it's safe to rest.
Like, I am worthy even when I'm not producing something right now. And one thing that like really helped me, like again, when I was on holiday and like took a few weeks off and like just yesterday when I was like, okay, I thought I would do this thing and I'm not, is it was like it, how, how [00:26:00] would I frame it?
But it was like almost the belief that like. What the stuff I have created in the past is still helpful. So like for example, yesterday, one of the things that I had wanted to do was like create a social media post and like put it out and it would be easy, and especially in the past to be like, oh no, I've not put out a social media post, therefore I'm not gonna be like helping someone today, or I'm not gonna be, whatever the thing was.
And what I was able to do is it was like, no, every social media post I've ever put out, every podcast I've ever recorded. Is sitting there and is useful to someone right now, like, I don't need, I am still helping people. Also, my worthiness is not tied to that, but like I'm still helping people, even if right now I am like allowing myself to rest, allowing myself to just like sleep and allowing myself to just like process through whatever's coming up.
And so it's thinking like that with, for you, it's like how you have been, like the interactions you have with people, like the conversations you have, [00:27:00] reports you've written. Like ideas. You've had social media posts you put out, like podcasts, you put out whatever the things are, they are still working away in the background even while you're resting, like you don't need to be doing and producing.
To still be like impacting and helping people and like making a difference. And so it's just thinking about that. And often what al what also happens is like when we do allow ourselves to step away and to rest, that's when the bigger ideas come of like, oh, this thing, or like, oh, this other piece. And again, I had a few of those, not yesterday, but this morning because I had stepped away yesterday.
I was like, oh, this. And suddenly it was like. Something that I'd been like working away on. It was like just slowed into place and was like, ah, IF like this is what, this is the next step for that. And so like the resting, the stepping away, the like, like that's where the ideas come, that's where the creativity comes, you know?
It's like so many of my ideas I have like out on a walk or like in the shower [00:28:00] or like get up to get a cup of tea and it's like, oh, this thing, this idea, like this download, this inspiration like comes in. It's because I stepped away. So it's just remembering that like. When you're doing, it's very like you're, you're producing something.
When you step away, that's when the like crazy connections and the possibility and like all the ideas will come. It's in those moments. So it's like, how can you create, even during your day, like more of those moments where you step away, you're not on your phone, you're letting your mind wander, you're going for a walk, you're having a cup of tea, you're just like daydreaming.
And that's like, that's the juicy, amazing, fun stuff that will come, that will be like the most impactful, like sure, it's amazing to go and like create things and like get things done because it's very satisfying. But it's like in those moments, it's like that's when we figure out better ways of doing things, different ways of doing things, ways to make things even better or help more people or like change the world in a more [00:29:00] positive way or whatever.
Whatever it is that resonates with you. So. Give yourself permission, it's okay to rest. It's okay to have off days or off moments. That's okay. Like everything is temporary. You will move through everything if you allow yourself to just be with whatever you are in that moment is so much easier to move through it.
So sending you so much love. I hope you have an amazing rest of the day and amazing week ahead and I'll see you. Bye.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goal making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you wanna take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note, and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, Ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys, and I'll see you next time in the Scary Goals [00:30:00] Club.
