[00:00:00] Hi, and welcome to the Scary Goals Club. I am your host, Hazel Robertson, and I believe that to make the impact that you know you are called to make in the world, it requires setting bigger, scarier goals and then becoming the person who creates them. That is what I am here to show you how to do. That's what we are diving into with mindset tools.
Tricks. Really simple, practical, actionable steps you can take and start applying straight away. 'cause whatever you believe, we have this one life that we definitely know about. Start making the impact, you know you wanna make in the world. Fear is not a reason to stop. We keep going. We work through the fear.
That is what we do in the Scary Goals Club. So come on in, come join, hit subscribe, and let's get started.
Hi, and welcome to the Scary Goals Club podcast. I am your host, Hazel Robertson, and I actually just realized I don't have a crystal in my hand, but [00:01:00] this is. This has been new over the last like few months. I actually do you know what, it's not been that new. When I was a kid I was like obsessed with like collecting rocks and finding like crystals and gemstones.
I think so many kids are. And I had this rock collection and I was up in the, my parents loft like a few months ago and I found it and it's so amazing and I, I've got on the windowsill, I'll bring it over actually. I've pulled out like some of my favorite ones and like laid them all out and I've bought like a couple other crystals.
But like, honestly, when I look at this, it like brings me so much joy because there's some, so many of these I remember like as a kid, I can't remember exactly where I found them, but whenever we'd go on holidays somewhere, if there was a crystal shop or like local gemstones, I'd go and feel them in my hand and pick one and like take them out and look at them and they're just like.
I just find them really grounding [00:02:00] and I think what I really enjoy is having, let me see and then I'll go over, so before I do like a podcast or before like I did client session, I'll go over to them and I'll like have a look and just whichever one I'm drawn to, I will just grab it and like have it there as something to like fidget with.
Right. Which one I was going for, this little quartzy one here. Something to just like fidget with or have there and like. So many of them, like I have not here actually right now, but like a rose quartz one that's really nice and smooth. I've got this one here that's like rose quartz as well. Again, this I had from when I was a kid.
If you're watching a video and rose quartz is associated with like love whenever I hold a rose quartz or like think about it. Even just having that association, it reminds me to open my heart more and be more loving to my family.
My friends like the world and just like they kinda ground me with different things. What's the other one? Let's see. I bet you didn't, I did not expect the tangent at the start of this one to be [00:03:00] about crystals, but I've got this awesome, um, it's like amethyst and amethyst is, if you get into like crystal meanings is about your intuition and trusting yourself.
So whenever. There's like a period of change or uncertainty and there's a lot of that stuff going on right now in the background. I love having an amethyst and I'll just like when I see it in the purple, it reminds me to trust myself. It reminds me to connect with something bigger than me to surrender, to just like let stuff go to trust and.
That everything is working out like better than I could ever have imagined. And like even if things are not how I thought they would be or like, it's not exactly how like my vision has been or how like my visualization has been, that there's always some reason that I will look back on as actually chatting to a friend about this the other day.
And it's like I have so many, most of this I can think in my life, but like [00:04:00] where. At the moment, like something doesn't work out as you plan and it can feel really disappointing and it's like, oh, this thing that I was wanting, like it hasn't materialized how I had been imagining and been moving towards and been hoping for.
And actually then looking back in hindsight, it's like, oh, not only like was it always supposed to happen that way, but like I'm so glad it did because something even better has like come along or something. Even better has like. Happened. I could ne it's almost like I could never see, I was so focused on like this one way or this one thing that like when that doesn't happen, how I think something even better has come along after.
And it's just having these examples of that and like feeding your brain evidence with that. So like if you find your like attached to something, actually do you know what? I'm gonna completely change what I'm doing today's podcast on. This was something that came up with a friend that I think will actually maybe be [00:05:00] quite useful as well.
I, I'm gonna go into, like, I don't often do this, normally have a bit of an idea. I will record another one and I've got like, my, like questions I was gonna ask and like a bit of a structure, but I'm gonna change tact. Here we go. We're going for this. This is what, this is what this podcast is gonna be because a lot of you have, so I was having this conversation with a friend.
About attachment to some kind of outcome of like really wanting this thing. And I get it, like I have felt that a lot over the last like few months with a few big goals that I'm like working towards. I've been so attached to, I've like noticed myself getting into feeling really attached to them and like having to almost like mentally drop back and be like.
If this thing doesn't happen, like in the way I think it will happen. Like it's okay and it's because something better is coming along. And also there's, thank you also for everyone who like gives me comments back [00:06:00] on the podcast. It's so nice and like loads of you have been like messaging and reaching out about the episode about surrender, like going from the overthinking and the like problems going round and round to.
Actually releasing it and like surrendering it up to like something higher, like nature, the universe, whatever resonates with you. And yeah, I was, I was sitting to like, someone had message on Instagram and if you're listening, hi, you know who you are. And, uh, I was like, oh, sometimes it's so weird, like I'm literally standing in my spare room chatting away.
I mean, I feel like I'm chatting to you. Like I do feel like that. But at the end of the day, I'm like speaking into like my computer screen by camera, and then it goes out into the world. And like sometimes some of you will be like, oh, I love this bit, I love this bit. And then sometimes it doesn't and that's okay.
Like I don't expect the comments. It's like everything's a bonus. But it is really helpful and it's so nice as a reminder of like. Oh, okay. This bit, these bits were really resonating or [00:07:00] like, oh, this bit you really liked. And so thank you for everyone that has ever commented, rated, reviewed, messaged me or like anything.
Honestly, it means so much. It is literally the most bizarre thing doing podcasting like, 'cause it's different than an interview, I guess, where you're like having that rapport with someone, like I'm having the rapport, but you're listening and I can imagine you listen, I'm doing that right now, but like, you're not there.
And it's different than like on a coaching session where if I'm asking questions or I'm seeing like body language or like what the client's saying and it's like there is a back and forth, or if I'm doing a workshop, it's like I can sense in the room if the energy shifts and I need to change tact or if I wanna like bring in something differently or I'm like, okay, cool, this resonated.
Let's keep going on this thing. It's on the podcast. I don't have that feedback. It's like, I think this works. I think this resonates. I put it out into the world and then I hear if it does or not. And that's all good. It's all good either way. Like [00:08:00] for me, I love doing this anyway and I just like, I absolutely get so much outta this podcast.
So like I don't need your comments, but when you do send them and your reviews and everything like they mean so much. So thank you. So the, the, there was quite a few of you reached out saying like, how much this particular episode, I can't remember which one it was maybe from like two weeks ago. And it was on shifting from overthinking to like knowing and trusting and surrendering and like getting to the place where it's like when you're just like overthinking about a problem and it's just going round and round, you're like waking up and it's like, ugh.
When it gets to the place. Like you're not gonna ever solve it from that. And actually by surrendering and releasing it and letting it go, that's when you shift into a more relaxed, open state. And then that's where all the creativity comes, all the ideas come, and it's so much easier to then solve the problem when you're not like gripping onto the problem.
And there was something that I was chatting about with this friend recently, and [00:09:00] it comes up a lot in coaching as well, especially when we're working on goals and that is being really attached to them and like. We have this idea of like, there is something I wanna create. I have, I mean, I'm looking at my vision board now.
I have my vision board of like the life that I am working towards and creating and dreaming and like breathing into life. And it can be easy to then get really like grippy and attached. So like this previous episode was on. Getting attached to a problem, we can also get really attached and grip onto an outcome that we're working towards.
Some kind of goal. And the reason that we do this is we think when we have this goal that we're gonna feel differently. Lemme say that again. The reason we get so attached, like, okay, lemme step back As humans, the reason we do anything. Any, any action we take, we do or don't do [00:10:00] any, every single thing we do is because of how we think it's gonna make us feel.
So we're like moving towards feelings we want, and we're moving away from feelings that we don't want. And so when we have these goals, ultimately, like the reason that we want any of these goals, if you think about it, what is the reason you actually want this goal when you strip it down? It's always because of how we think it's gonna make us feel.
We think when, I'm just trying to think of examples of goals, like when I start the launch the podcast, then I'll be confident and, um, trying to think of what other feelings there might be. Confident and creative and connected. When I get the promotion, then I'll feel confident, then I'll feel secure when I.
Get a raise or create more income, then I will feel secure. Then I will feel safe and stable. When I go on this like [00:11:00] dream vacation, then I will feel at ease and energized when I, whatever. Fill in the blank of like any number of like goals or things that you want to create in your life and every single one of them.
The reason that you wanna do it, if you actually strip it back is because how you of, how you think you will feel. When you're experiencing the thing, which is why we get so excited, it's like, oh, holidays. Oh, and we're like imagining it. It's like it's gonna be so restful and chilled and like, oh, and here's the thing.
When we believe that the only way we can access that feeling is by creating the goal. So like if we believe, for example, the holiday example, the only way we can feel like. Relaxed and restful and chilled and like having fun is if we are actually on holiday, that's when we become more attached to it.
Spoiler alert, you can choose [00:12:00] and with practice you can literally feel any way you want at any point. Like you could feel. Easeful and chilled and relaxed and like have fun right now. Even if you have a project deadline, even if you're interviewing for a new job, even if you are starting a podcast and it feels really scary, even if you are stepping up and like going for a promotion or whatever these things are, you can still play, have fun, feel easeful, like you can do all those things now and what, but what our brain.
Often tells us is like these thing, we won't feel that way until we have the actual result. It actually works the other way around, that we generate that feeling first and that's how we create the result. Because you could go on holiday and if you are not in. A place where you can generate feeling at ease, feeling relaxed, having fun.
Like if you can't generate that in your day-to-day life, you're gonna be on holiday and you're probably gonna be stressed about like, oh, the power car is the wrong size. And this thing happened. And [00:13:00] like, you know, the whole thing's happened on holidays and it's like if you're not practicing feeling ease and peace and calm and fun right now, there will be, and you're like stressed and rushing and like.
Like that will happen on holiday. Like you're not gonna suddenly change your brain and everything's different. You'll be like worrying about the things you didn't do or like the handover notes you didn't quite send or what's gonna happen, how many emails you'll have when you get back. Unless you can actually practice those feelings of ease and fun and joy and like connection and all of those things that you wanna feel first.
So we think as humans, when I have the goal, I will feel differently. Like as soon as I get the goal, I'm gonna change how I feel and it actually works the other way around. We practice the feelings, practice being differently, like a different person first, and that's how we create the goal. And so we often get really attached because it's like, I can only feel this way.
If I have the goal, and I think I try to put this on like a past podcast episode, so we're renting at the moment, like we sold our house in Edinburgh [00:14:00] and we're looking to buy up here. And we, if there was like this, I think, I can't even remember when it was, but there was like a broken tap in the house, in the kitchen and like it took longer than we would've liked to get it repaired.
And it was just this, like I just found so many things about like wrong with the house and it was like all I could think about was like, I just need to like. We just need to live in our own space and we just need to have this, have our own house and have our own this and dah, dah, dah. And it was like the feeling that I was wanting was like ease and things just working and like calm and just spaciousness.
And that was actually the feeling that I was craving. And so then when I caught that, I was becoming so attached to being like, oh, I don't wanna be renting anymore. I wanna like find somewhere that we can live. And it was like, we have to find somewhere. And I was like, trolling through this site, or like doing this.
We're like, why isn't this happening fast enough? And the reason I was so attached was it was a feeling that I was craving. So when I could catch that, I could be like, ah, okay, how can [00:15:00] I create a feeling of spaciousness and ease and just like, ugh, feeling like that right now. And I remember the other like example of that.
It was when, just before like I gave birth to like my son a few years ago. I was just like, and I dunno if you've ever had this, I actually remember it before COVID as well, where it's like you crave. So with my son, I was just like wanting to go into labor early just so that I didn't have to finish up like.
Things at work basically, like it felt a bit intense and I had like quite a lot of like coaching sessions back to back and I was really knackered and I was like, wait, I am wanting, I'm wanting to go and give birth like too, way too early, like too early. So that I, what is the feeling I'm wanting? It's like, oh, I'm wanting ease, which I don't think necessarily in hindsight now comes from giving birth and then having a newborn, but it was like, oh, I'm just wanting to not do these things that feel really tiring right now.
And so I was able to be [00:16:00] like, well, I'm just gonna change like the situation and just stop work early and practice rest and just rest and just like give myself those feelings now without having to have a newborn to like somehow give me those feelings. The other time with that was, um. Which we didn't actually need to change anything COVID happened, but I remember just before, before COVID happening, there was like a lot of stuff going on.
We had like changed careers, changed jobs, trying like a new different thing like Luke and I, and there was a lot happening. It was like things were packed in, things were like. Quite intense and it was like we were gonna have to go here and go there and go to these places and do this training and do these, all these different things.
I remember just being like, oh, I like even thinking about the next few months ahead. I was like, I feel exhausted thinking about it. And lo and behold, COVID came and literally everything was canceled and it was, again, that wasn't changing. We didn't end up like something changed externally, but the same thing, it was that like.[00:17:00]
That feeling of ease and feeling of peace, and it was like that's what we got. But that's what we were craving was the like not having to have these like back to back to back to back things. Because it was like, if we just want these things not to happen, it's like, ah, then we can just like chill a little bit.
It was almost like we were doing too much so. Noticing that anytime you're really wanting something or really like not wanting something, it's always because of a feeling. And when you know that, you can then decide, okay, how can I like bring in more of this feeling now? Like if it's fun you're craving or like confidence or whatever these things are, it's like how can you be more and like feel more of that now and practice that feeling now.
And the other thing, and this is what I was chatting to my friend about is like. When it, it's like we can get into the overthinking as well when we are so attached to a goal and we can like, I'm trying to think of like specific examples, but when we're like really attached to something working [00:18:00] out a certain way, we can get into the overthinking as well.
So it's like going around in our heads, we we're interpreting situations to be like, maybe this means this, maybe this means this. It's basically like, again, like the washing machine, like going round and round and round. But it's like. About our goal and about our goal. And we have to have our goal and we have to have our goal.
We have to have our goal, and it's like, you can tell because you're using up so much mental energy, so much emotional energy, so much time, it's taking you away from like doing other things. Gripping and being like, I have to have this goal because then I get to feel a certain way and feel differently and like, or there's, we can attach our worthiness also to a goal of like, if I have this goal, then it means I'm good at this thing or I'm good enough, or I.
Like have been approved in some way, like it's almost like an external measurement of like our own worthiness, which by the way, you're a hundred percent worthy exactly as you are. You don't need to do anything, be anything different, just be you and go do, go do goals because they're fun, not because they're gonna make you more worthy.
[00:19:00] And so if you find yourself in this, a really helpful practice is, and again, you can do this like closing your eyes. Taking some deep breaths. You can do it. If you notice the like mental chatters just going around like you're overthinking about this goal, you're maybe like researching stuff, doing stuff, trying to like find out all the information to be like, is it happening yet?
Is it happening yet? Is happening yet is I almost imagine like there's me and like the goal or the thing or whatever it is that I'm like really attached to. And I imagine there's this like chord in between us. It's almost this like energetic. It's almost like an umbilical chord. That's what I can think of.
It's just like, it's this really thick, meaty chord that's like, I'm giving so much of my energy to this thing and it's taking so much energy for me. And it's this like we, it's like visually I am attached and tethered to this thing, the goal, the whatever. You can use this also. Well, I'll explain it and then [00:20:00] I'll, I'll explain another way that you can use it.
And so I imagine. Again, there's this card and I'm just like literally taking a pair of like massive scissors and I'm just cutting it and just letting it go. So it's like I can see the thing, the goal, the whatever it is that I'm like so attached to, and I'm just like, snip, no thank you. You go over there, do your thing.
I'm bringing this energy back to me and just again, leaning is like. Whew. No, I'm not. I'm no longer putting my energy, my mental energy, my time into turn control. Is it gonna happen? Is it gonna happen like this? Is it gonna happen like this? What if it's this? What if it's this? What is this? Like, nope. It can go.
And then leaning into that, like the trust of like if it doesn't happen how I think it will, it's because there's something better coming that like I can't even imagine right now. And actually, if you do any manifestation work. One of the fun [00:21:00] things with any, like when you're writing down your goals or like thinking about that, is to write down, so you're like, you know, getting clear where your goals are, writing them out.
It's like this or something better for the highest good of all concerned, which is such like when I started doing manifestation, like leaning in more into that work, it's like I didn't really understand. I was like, yeah, yeah, cool. There's just something there with the highest good, all concern, but like, I really want these things.
Now I really understand that. It's like I want these things and I think this is how my amazing dream life is gonna go and these are the things I'm working towards, but like there actually could be something else that's even better for everyone. And I have no idea how that will unfold and how that will be.
Now it's even better than I imagined, but it's, it can be hard when we're like in the place where we're like, no, but I want this thing specifically.
And it's like even thinking if there's something you're really attached to, like is there evidence in the past? 'cause it can be useful to feed our brain evidence. Of like where has something that you really, really wanted, you [00:22:00] didn't get, and when you look back you're like, oh, I'm so glad that didn't happen how I thought it would, or like, I'm so glad that didn't actually work out because this thing, like almost it not working out created space for this thing that was even better and like you wouldn't have been available for it if you were having this thing over here.
Like, I'm trying to think the example one of the like. For example, say you were like applying, like applying for a new role somewhere and you didn't get it, and it's like, no, but I really wanted it and it was this and this. I loved the organization. And then actually like months later or you, you find out, you either find something new that you're like, ah, this, this is amazing.
This is like exactly right. Or you realize, oh wait, that organization actually started having redundancies or like shifted something or something changed and it's like. Oh, actually you could never have seen that. What's the, um, I'm gonna like give this an example and then, [00:23:00] I don't know, the, like, full, I can't remember like the sliding doors where it's like, have you ever seen that film with Gwyneth Paltrow?
And it's like one, she misses the train one day and then she gets the train and it's like the, it splits like her life, how it's different if she misses her train versus if she gets it and it's, I can't remember which way round it is, but like for example, if you are like. Miss the train and you would be so annoyed, but actually it ends up panning out that your life is so much better because you missed that train because you missed a something and this didn't thing, and then this didn't happen and this happened instead.
And it's like, versus getting a train. And so it's like you never know how not getting what you thought you wanted actually is an amazing thing in the long run. And it's like, it can be so hard when you're in it or you're really attached to something, but it's like once you cut that cord, it's just, imagine.
It's just like. Of stepping back and being like, if this doesn't work out, how I, I'm like how I think it will, that's because something more amazing is [00:24:00] coming and like just really believing that the universe is working for you. Like everything's happening in your favor. And even if things feel like they're not working out, it's because something better is coming along that you maybe can't see right now and it can feel hard when you're in it.
You're like. No, I want this there. Like it has to be this way. But that's when it just uses up so much mental energy. And it's exhausting when we're like we, we think we have to control the outcome and it has to be a certain way. So when you can just let go a little bit, it's actually way more fun. 'cause then it's like, oh, what?
Like other stuff could appear that like I can't even imagine right now. And the other like final piece of how you can use the cutting the cord is if it's with, so not only being attached to a goal, but like you can use it with problems as well. So there was the previous example of almost like. I imagine like letting it go, like letting the problem up or like the birds out or whatever it is, and surrendering it up.
You can also, like, if the, if the problem, you can visualize that and cut the cord. You can do it with Yeah, a goal, anything, but you're overthinking [00:25:00] even a person and it's like if you find you're getting into the like. They said, they said, dah, dah, dah. And it's like, well, this and this. And it's just like going round and round and, and round and round in your head and you're like, this is not a good use of my time.
This is not a good use of my energy. Like I wanna be focusing here on creating these things, moving my life forward and getting, like, putting all my energy into this thing. And it's not even solving it, it's just going round and round. You can just imagine that person and just like cut the energetic cord and it's like, okay.
You do you, you're over there. I'm focusing on me, taking my energy back to me, focusing on where I'm going, making my life amazing, and just like nourishing myself, taking care of myself and then moving forward in that way as well. So there's loads of different ways you can use it. But anyway, let me know if you play around with it, if it's helpful.
I'd love to hear and I hope you have an amazing rest of the day and an amazing week ahead. Bye.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and [00:26:00] leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goal making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you wanna take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note, and I put all of the information there.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, Ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys, and I'll see you next time in the Scary Goals Club.
