[00:00:00] Hi, and welcome to the Scary Goals Club. I am your host, Hazel Robertson, and I believe that to make the impact that you know you are called to make in the world, it requires setting bigger, scarier goals and then becoming the person who creates them. That is what I am here to show you how to do. That's what we are diving into with mindset tools.
Tricks. Really simple, practical, actionable steps you can take and start applying straight away. 'cause whatever you believe, we have this one life that we definitely know about. Start making the impact, you know you wanna make in the world. Fear is not a reason to stop. We keep going. We work through the fear.
That is what we do in the Scary Goals Club. So come on in, come join, hit subscribe, and let's get started.
Hi, and welcome to the Scary Goals Club podcast. I am your host, Hazel Robertson. And if you have been watching the last two on video, [00:01:00] you will see behind here. And if you're listening on audio, I will describe what is behind me. I have put some shelves on the wall, the same ones that I had in the other office, and some plants, and my favorite.
One of my favorite prints, my favorite quote, which is, oh my gosh, I can't even about random read. Yeah, it's Einstein. Creativity is intelligence, having fun, and it's just, I just love it because, well, not only if you're watching this on video, it's like the print is like neon pink and like the writings neon pink.
But it's also, it's just a reminder for me that like. When I'm having fun, when I'm just like in that flow and everything just like feels. It's just when it feels easy and fun and that's when all the creativity comes. So it's like reminding myself not to take life too seriously and not to take work too seriously as well.
How are you this week? I am sitting down. It is six months into being pregnant. I've just entered the third trimester, which. Like I [00:02:00] was having loads of energy and feeling amazing, and then it's almost like, I don't know if it was psychological or literally my body knew it was like, boom. Now we've entered the, the third trimester, like a week or so ago.
Suddenly it's like trying to get past parked cars and like squeeze in between them. I'm like, oh, I actually don't fit in this space. Or like upstairs there's like the ladder that comes down to the loft and like when that's down and I'm trying to like squeeze into our room. I can't fit past the ladder anymore.
It's like this bump is bumping and sticking out. Even just like picking stuff up off the floor, like all the stuff that literally a week or so ago felt okay. Now suddenly I'm like, oh, okay. This is like, baby's been growing.
We're getting a bit bigger. So I'm sitting, which. It's actually really nice. Normally I stand up for calls and for podcast recordings and for a lot of the work I do, but I'm having a little seat and it's actually really nice and I'm gonna have a drink of water. So today I wanted to chat through something that I've got some really fun like recent [00:03:00] examples to chat through, but it's something that can come up a lot when.
You are, you've either like created a goal, so if there's some scary goal that you've been working towards and then you've actually achieved it, you've created it, or you're on your way to achieving it, and you're having like these wins and things are happening and things are changing, and that is that we can self-sabotage ourselves.
So this is from, or what I'm going to talk through comes from a book called The Big Leap, which is by author Gay Hendrix and. He, he talks about,
what he calls upper limits. And again, this is, so the way that he describes it and think about how this might be true in your own life is we have this thermostat. If you imagine it's like a thermostat of how much good, how much success, how much love, how much abundance, whatever the words are, like money, goals, [00:04:00] things happening in our life.
We have a thermostat for how much good we are almost used to having used to receiving used, used to. So it's like we have this, we have a financial thermostat, we have a success thermostat, a love thermostat, an abundance thermostat, just for how much good we're able to allow ourselves to feel. Then if it goes beyond that, then our brains and our body starts to freak out.
Like, oh, there's, it's like, uh, too many things are like good things are happening, and we can get into really sneaky self-sabotage behaviors where we can our, our, like unconsciously, subconsciously, this is all just like our subconscious at work. So we're not even aware of it consciously until you are aware of it, and then you can catch some of these behaviors.
Like our subconscious is like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We need to kind of tone it down a little bit and we will often self-sabotage any success and bring ourselves back down to what we are comfortable with, what we are used to. It doesn't mean, so [00:05:00] whenever we're talking about like our thermostat and what we're used to, it doesn't mean it's what we want.
It just means it's what our brain and our body is most familiar with. Especially if you. Are, you know, like going after bigger goals and really like changing your identity and becoming a different person and changing loads of different bits in your life at once. Your life will start to look very different.
You'll start to act very different as a person. You will create things you'd never created before, like you'll be creating your dreams and your goals of like all of these things that you at once had on your vision board will suddenly be there. And this is ultimately what you want, but to our survival brain.
So like the amygdala part of the limbic system in our brain, like this at the back of our brain, the center of our brain, like that part of our brain is wired for survival. So anything that is new, that is unfamiliar, that is unknown. You it like we are wired for that to equal a threat. It's like something [00:06:00] could go wrong.
What is gonna happen? And that's when we can get into two sec. Just kidding. I have it up on Kindle the bit. So I was gonna read out and that's when we can get into like self-sabotage mode so we can, our subconscious is like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Too many changes, too many amazing things happening. Let's just tone it down a little bit.
So almost like. If you think of a thermostat where I've got the heating on at the moment, because suddenly like Autumn is like very much here, it's like end of October. I'm like, oh, so the heating on, I've got my cozy socks on, fleecy trousers on, big jumper on, and so I put the heating, like the thermostat.
It's like you have a certain amount you set it to, if it drops below, if the temperature drops below that like. Your body, the thermostat will kick in to get you back to that. And then if it goes too high, then it will like cut off to bring it back down. So it's kinda like a thermostat. It regulates like your brain body is regulating you to keep within this familiar band familiar zone of what you're used to.
It doesn't mean ultimately it's what you want 'cause you're [00:07:00] evolving, creating new things like going after bigger goals. But it's what is familiar and. So some here are some of the self-sabotage behaviors, or as he calls 'em, like upper limit behaviors worrying. So if you notice yourself worrying about like, about something that is a sign.
That you're at an upper limit. You've like reached the capacity of what you're used to at the moment for how much good, how much success, how much abundance, how much like things going well that you have in your life. Blame and criticism. If you start blaming others or like criticize, you're finding and critical of others if you get sick or hurt.
So if suddenly you're ill or like suddenly you hurt yourself, like have a, a bit of an accident, it's like that's a sign that you have been at this growth edge, you've been growing, you've been evolving, something's been shifting, and your body's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's just like bring it back down a little bit.
Squabbling, like bickering about like small things that actually, if you're honest, don't really [00:08:00] matter. Hiding significant feelings. So if there's something like some truth to share and you're kinda like keeping that hidden, not keeping agreements or like agreeing to something and then reneging on them, that could be an agreement with yourself, with someone else like.
Basically not showing up as you, not speaking significant truth to the relevant people. So it's like if there's something you need to say to a specific person, not actually maybe speaking it to them or deflecting. So this could be like brushing off compliments. Like maybe someone says, wow, you did amazing at that.
Or like, oh, I love the whatever. And it's like. Oh no, and you, you basically are putting yourself down. That's like almost a way of, rather than feeling the good of the compliment and like allowing yourself to receive that and be like, yes, actually I did do really well at that. Or, this is an amazing dress I have on her.
Whatever. Rather than like accepting and allowing yourself to receive the good from that compliment, it's deflecting it, minimizing yourself, putting yourself down, being like, oh, well it was just this. It was just that. [00:09:00] So like how you're talking to yourself as well out loud and with other people. So these, these are some examples of upper limit behaviors and it's been so interesting.
Like I've, even some of the ones like the worrying piece, I'm not someone that worries like I'm really. Not, which is great. Worrying also by the way, is just a habit. Like we can get into it and we can get addicted to it, and our brain thinks it's trying to solve something, going to the what ifs and the worst case, and they're like, oh no, what if this, what if this, what if this?
But it's actually just habitual because when we're worrying about something, we're not actually solving it. We're just going around in these thought loops. And I'm not someone, luckily that worries a lot about stuff. Like I can bring myself back quite quickly. And it is just a habit. Like if you are someone that worries, you can also just decide to drop it as a habit.
But again, that maybe that's another podcast episode, but it's so interesting is like when I have been. Creating. So there's two. Just if you haven't caught up in this and you're listening to this podcast, the first two episodes of this series, series three, I talk about two big [00:10:00] goals that I've been kind of working away in the background on, which is creating our dream house and becoming pregnant.
And there's been, there've been quite a journey over the last few years of both of those. And so interesting noticing as I have created those goals or been like close to creating them. All of this self-sabotage has, has come in of like my brain basically freaking out going, ah, I know this is what you wanted, but like, ah, here are all the things that could go wrong and here's the reason that like, you have to worry about this thing.
And what about this other thing? Oh, two sec. I just made this screen really big. Oh no. Two seconds. Hang on a sec. This is not gonna make sense. If you're not watching this. Be edit this but out. Or maybe I won't. Anyway, I don't need to see my big face on the screen. I'm just gonna make it smaller. There we go.
Okay. We're good. So like one of them, even with the pregnancy, like earlier on this year when I found out I was pregnant and then we like all was [00:11:00] good and we had like a scan and early scan and all was good as well. I noticed so many thoughts coming in of, yeah, but it might not last this time, or it might not this or it might not.
This like, and I didn't get caught up in them, but I was aware of them. It was like, oh, this is so interesting. It was almost like I had this amazing, amazing gift, amazing thing that I've been working towards that I. Had not been able to create over the last like year and a bit. And then here it was, I was pregnant and it's like the baby was healthy.
Like everything looked okay and it's almost like my brain and body wouldn't allow me to just be with that. It was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This like, basically it's like, and something might happen. So putting in all of these worries of things that could go wrong, what about this? What about this, what about this?
And then even when I kind of could notice that and bring it back and allow myself to just like feel the like. Really positive feeling [00:12:00] associated with being pregnant. It would still go to, yeah, but this is gonna change and this is gonna change and like this is gonna change. And like basically all the worst case stuff.
And so just thinking like for you, I've got another example actually as well, but like thinking for you, are there times when you notice something has gone really well and then you find your brain coming in with all of these worries or all of these like. Yeah, but what about this? What about this? What about this?
So I mean it could be anything from like you get a job offer or you, I'm just trying to think. Start a goal or like create a goal that you really wanted or you get pregnant or you move house, or whatever the thing is, you do use something that you've been like really wanting and really working towards, and you have it and suddenly it's like, like all the worries come in from your brain.
That is a sign that you're at your upper limit of like what your capacity, what your emotional capacity is for how much you are used to allowing things to go well and have success in your life. [00:13:00] The other time I noticed it recently, just with the house piece, which was the other big goal that we created just in the last few weeks, was we were on holiday when we were getting all the final legal stuff done and getting that over the line, and my brain was worried, like I could s see it.
And again, I'm not someone that worries, but it was going to the like. What if we can't sort out this? What if we can't sort out this? and just so focused on like some of the legal stuff and the nuance and the this and what about this and what if this doesn't work out All the what ifs basically when going round and round and round and it just like when you're in that place, unless you can catch it, it's exhausting.
It just uses so much mental energy and again, I was able to catch it and the, the feeling that was underneath. The key thing with all of this is like whenever we're doing some of these behaviors. Self-sabotage or upper limit behaviors. There's always some amazing feeling underneath that we're not allowing ourselves to feel.
And actually the amazing feeling underneath was like, we've [00:14:00] done it. Like we have found this like dream house that we've just been couldn't, it's like beyond what we had like imagined over like the last few years and where we would be able to end up. And like it's just, it's just amazing. And rather than allowing myself to really sink into that, and of course I did at moments, but.
My brain was like, yeah, but it might not happen. Yeah, but this, yeah, but maybe you won't figure out this. Yeah, but what about this? Yeah, but what about this? Like all of that stuff, and again, was able to catch it and like bring myself back and. I get this a lot like with my son as well, where if I'm like snuggling him as he like falls asleep or like playing with him and just like having so much fun and just like, just so, just like having the best time.
Or like if he's out on his bike and I'm just like watching him like so determined, like try new things, try new things, and just feel so much like love and joy and like gratitude that he's here and he's in my life. Like I can notice my brain will sometimes be like going to worst case or like. [00:15:00] Even maybe other parents will just at that point, it's like at some point he's gonna leave home or at some point this or like, what if this or what if that?
Like just all of these things and it's like that. Or like, this isn't gonna last or at some point, you know, it's like just going to almost this place in the future where I. I don't need to be thinking about that right now. All I need to be focusing on is just how amazing this moment is right now. How much I love him, how amazing it is that like he's in my life and like I'm so lucky to get to know him and be his mom and like allowing myself to feel that.
And that's the thing with all of this. Upper limit behavior when the worrying is coming in or we're getting sick or hurt, or we're like blaming others, or we're deflecting compliments and kind of putting ourselves down when someone is, or maybe someone's offering help and we're being like, oh no, no, it's fine.
Like any of these things where there's some, like all of it means all of these [00:16:00] self-sabotage or upper limit behaviors mean is that there is some good that has happened in our life or is happening. We're like blocking ourselves from feeling it. We're not a, it's almost like too, it almost feels too much.
And there's this phrase, I think it's an American phrase. I hear it a bit, but I, I'm not sure if there's something in the UK where it's like people can, it is called like waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's almost like, and, and maybe there is a phrase in the uk, which is almost like. Yeah, but it's not gonna last.
That kind of piece where it's like, yeah, this is good, but like it's not, it's not gonna be this, like, it's not gonna last. Or we like diminish what is and how amazing things are right now because it's almost like, yeah, but don't enjoy it too much because it's gonna change, because it's gonna go. And so just this whole, even like culturally, this whole narrative around don't en don't allow yourself to like feel this good and don't allow yourself to enjoy it because it's gonna [00:17:00] go away.
We then don't own ourselves to enjoy it and experience what is actually good and amazing and just wonderful right now, in this moment, right now. And so every time we're kind of doing that and shutting it down or being like, oh, well I can't enjoy this now 'cause it's gonna go away or it's gonna change, we're almost like crimping the amount of good that we're having in our lives.
And we're allowing this more like negative self-talk. This Oh yeah. But it's not gonna last the worry, like the putting ourselves down the deflecting. To come in and keep us at this lower level of just of, of how we're feeling emotionally on the day to day. And it's been so interesting just, and again, our brain is wired for that.
Like it's wired for negativity, it's scanning constantly looking for danger of like. What is unknown? What could change? What could go away? And we have this thing as humans called loss aversion. It's like when we have something, we then have quite like this, this fear of actually losing the thing so we [00:18:00] can get into this, what's known as like scarcity mindset of like, sure, we have the thing, but all we can think about is losing the thing.
And so it's almost, it takes us away. And it's the same with the goal, with the whatever. It's like, oh, but this won't last. I won't be able to do it again. It was a fluke. I can't keep doing this. It almost detracts and takes us out of like, no, this is amazing right now. And allowing ourselves to just fully appreciate our life and our goals and everything that's happening as well.
So the key thing is with all of this is if you notice some of these behaviors coming up as, and it's often like something will go really, really well, and then you'll notice that almost something will go terribly afterwards where it's like you have some success and then you get ill, or you have something goes really well and then you have a, like a really big fight.
Or if something goes well. Someone says something kind and then you're like, start beating yourself up for not being it like all of these things, or you're worrying about it could go away or it could be lost. So that's the kind of, that's the sign that you are at the edge of an upper [00:19:00] limit. There's been some growth, some amazingness, some good is happening, and you're not actually allowing selves to feel yourself, to feel that good, to feel the goodness and the abundance and the love and the success.
So the key thing with all of this is noticing when some of these behaviors come up. The worrying. So these self-sabotage behaviors, the upper limit ones, the worrying, the deflecting comments, the kinda brushing them off, the minimizing yourself, the squabbling, the picking, like picking fights, getting into arguments, the blaming or criticizing other people or like not you not doing what you said you would do, or like not doing what you said you would do for someone else, like for yourself or for someone else.
When you notice some of these things coming up, it's always, always, always a sign. That there's some amazing feeling underneath that you're not allowing yourself to feel because your brain's like, ah, it's too much. It's too much. And if you can just notice it and catch it and allow yourself to just like even just close your eyes, put your hands on your [00:20:00] heart and take some deep breaths and just feel all of the love, all of the gratitude, all of the just like, oh, this is so amazing.
And it's like allowing yourself. To know that it's safe, to feel that much good. 'cause again, this is where you're, where your brain's freaking out. It's like, whoa, whoa. This is too much. This is too much good. I need, something's gonna go wrong. Something's definitely gonna happen, and it tries to pull us back down.
It's like, no, actually it's okay to feel this amount of good. And the more that you can just practice sitting in that and expanding that, the more it just starts to percolate and becomes a bit more of your day to day. So it's just noticing what are some of those behaviors? That's a sign that there's something amazing underneath.
So like for example, again, with the pregnancy piece and me worrying about it could go away, it's like, well, the amazing thing underneath is like, I'm actually pregnant and I have a healthy baby. Like this is amazing. And allowing myself to actually feel it and enjoy it and [00:21:00] celebrate it in that very moment.
And with the house thing, worrying about the legal stuff, it was like, no, the amazing thing is like, we have found this house. Like how amazing is that? It's like. And just sinking into that, like, ah, yes. So thinking about what it's for you, and if you've got any questions in this, just reach out and I will very happily answer them.
But just being onto your sneaky brain, if it's starting to put in some of these self-sabotage behaviors, keeping you playing small, keeping you not fully experiencing all the amazingness of. Life and of your goals and just knowing that it is safe to, to really sink in and just appreciate what's happened.
Appreciate where you are now and just be like, ah, okay, this is good. And the more that you can do that and be in that place, the more you're going to what's called expand your capacity, your emotional capacity for how much good you're willing to let in your life. So the more that you can do that, the more good will flow in.
And again, your brain might freak out a bit, but you can [00:22:00] catch it and then just sit and expand and just be like, ah, this is good. Right. I hope that was helpful and I hope you have an amazing week ahead and I'll see you next day. Bye.
Hey, thanks so much for listening. If this was helpful, please hit subscribe and leave a review. This helps get this work in the hands of more purposeful people. That is more people creating bigger, scarier goal, making an even bigger impact in the world. And if you wanna take this work deeper and work with me directly, head to the show note, and I put all of the information.
If you've got any questions or if there's anything you're like, Ooh, I'd love you to talk about that on the pod, please just get in touch. I love hearing from you guys, and I'll see you next time in the Scary Goals Club.
